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realitybites ( member #6908) posted at 1:31 PM on Wednesday, September 8th, 2010
Lady V has it spot on.
Ditto everything she said. 
Stop expecting loyalty from people who cannot even give you honesty.
He stopped being my husband the first time he cheated. It took me awhile to understand that I was no longer his wife.
DevastatedUKgirl ( member #29109) posted at 4:26 PM on Wednesday, September 8th, 2010
These posts are exactly what I needed today!
I had a dream about OW last night and have struggled to get her out of my head today. I even checked out her facebook page and it's covered in 'like's relating to sex (i.e 'OW likes it hard', 'OW likes it rough' etc)and she really tries to paint herself as some sexual goddess.
The truth is I know she has FOO issues re: sex (as does my FWF - I didn't know about this until d-day - when she told FWF about her FOO issues he told her his too and they developed a 'bond' which eventually tipped their friendship across the line). My d-day involved me finding videos of the two of them having sex on our computer, along with a load of naked photos of OW that she had taken at her home and sent to FWF.
FWF's A was more like 4 ONS with OW and I really couldn't get my head around why someone with FOO issues like hers would film it every time they had sex.
Lady V's post totally makes sense to me and really helps me to understand my own situation! I think OW does see sex as a way of getting attention. The last ONS ended 18 months prior to d-day when FWF told her it could never happen again, however they still remained friends. FWF told me she was more upset when he phoned to tell her that they could never be friends again and that there would be NC, than she was when he told her they could never have sex again!
Thanks all!
Sorry for the t/j! 
Me: BFiancee 31
Him: FWFiance 31
Together 12 years, engaged for the last 5
A = 4 ONS with same OW in 2008 (friends with 'benefits')
D-Day: End of Feb 2010
Fighting2Survive ( member #28410) posted at 9:32 PM on Wednesday, September 8th, 2010
My translation:
"I know your H chose you over me so I'm going to saw something really shitty to prop up my sagging self-esteem and pretend that he didn't leave me in the dumpster where he found me."
Me: BW, 40.......Him: FWH, 40
D-day: 3-22-10
DS1: 11, DS2: crawling
Status: R going well
"When you can tell the story and it doesn't bring up any pain, you know it is healed." - Iyanla Vanzant, Broken Pieces
sullymeishadomi ( member #16305) posted at 2:22 AM on Thursday, September 9th, 2010
My opinion is, if someone is secure with themselves, they do not have to brag about who they are to the world. If a man or woman were secure with themselves, they would not say "I am what a woman/man would want".
If someone was secure with themselves, their actions would do all the talking.
No, Im not secure with myself. I tell people I am a nice person. If I were secure with myself, what negative or possitive thing someone said about me wouldn't matter.
Its the non-self assured who have to announce to the world who they are or are not; who they can or cannot get; what people think or don't think about them.
I say that female is a ws or ow waiting to happen...if it hasn't already. She is screaming broken (imo).
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