are you happy?
Today, I'm not. Tomorrow's another question.
when you were living openly, how did it feel?
Good, I loved it. I do love myself, my life, this world.
no one has the magic anything...but you do...
See, that's a kinda sticky point - I did. I was already underway, even before my affair. But then I hit rock bottom and somehow the world opened up before me. I embraced it. I gave it my all. That was my magic potion. There's nothing left. I can't get anything more out of me. If I'm to change this again at this point, I need outside input. I'm all out of potion, for now.
i wonder though how much will you lose before you learn how to live with your own truth....
The stupid thing is I have no idea. I have let many little habits slip, gradually losing some of the gentle things I did in my own life. It's all connected - but not all is lost.
i think we have the power to learn at any point in time, the desire needs just to be there...and then the decision would need to be made and a personal contract made with yourself on what to do....and then stick to it...no matter what you fear stick to it....
I agree, even though my actions show weak spots in my sticking power. Also, adaptability is a highly prized quality by my view.
Anyway, I'm leaning toward giving myself a stay of execution. I need my routines tightened up just a tad, they help clear my head for more important things. Nothing new is coming together in my mind, anyway. That's not to say that I can't keep my mental ears open, of course. I'll keep gathering notes, and improve my thinking circumstances. Then, in about a month, I'll make another concerted effort and see what I can come up with for long term. No smoking of course, in this time 
. That'll help my peace of mind, too.
i wish you well leftoolate
Thank you. That helps.
~L.
