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Oh I WILL have revenge on the OW and my FWH's BFF who kept the secret!! I will indeed!! Kharma can be a Bitch and so can I!!!

I get that still sometimes. It is hard to know she got the fun and I deal with the aftermath.

Where is the Karma ?

As you have read, wanting it is normal.

I have found the key to getting through this mess is finding the line between "controlling your emotions" and "your emotions controlling you", and always staying on the "controlling your emotions" side.

Revenge is very short term gratification in trade for a lifelong feeling of "why the hell did I sink to that level".....

Let the karma bus take care of your revenge! VROOM VROOM!!

Perfectly normal response.

I've always believed the best revenge is living well, but that doesn't mean I didn't want to cause a little devastation of my own. I've got a good imagination, a working knowledge of medieval tech and an ex-crook's understanding of forensic procedures. I could cause a LOT of devastation and probably get away with it. But this would be inconsistent with my faith, so I put that bit of Anger's advice aside.

i agree - i think it would have to be weird not to want to get revenge, either on the WS or the OP. I have thought about it! TONS - it consumes me right now (still very fresh for me - only 2 weeks now). I am going to write the OW a letter - not sure if i am going to mail it yet or not, but i have to get it out on paper; out of my head somehow. I have a way of asking questions, getting things out to my WH, but i don't to her (she knew me, knew we were married, came into my home as a guest of mine, watched my child, came into my home for a PA) so i feel that i need a way to get out to her "How she ruined me - not just my life or marriage, but me." I have become a bit crazy thinking about it all and it affects everything i do and all my memories of the last two years - so do i want revenge HELL YEAH! but i can't do that to my son and unborn daughter. She may just find out one day soon though - because i may be sending this letter (scarlet letter "A") to her - SCUM BAG!

I want revenge on OM and all XW's enablers.

XW herself though? No. I loved her but I sure as shit never loved any of those other fuckwads.

XW I wish would just move away so I wouldn't have to deal with her anymore.

Yes, I think the better question would be "who didn't".

After D-Day, my husband went & hid under a rock for awhile. My thinking was that he 1) had just blown up his family and was too much of a coward to face the music, or 2) was with the OW.

Mind you, I was still reeling and in shock to find out that much of my life and my reality had been lies. I threw everything I could find that belonged to him and had a bonfire. That was not my last act of revenge.

It's normal to have vengeful fantasies when you've been betrayed and you feel like your life has spun out of control.

Most of my vengeance was kept in the realm of fantasy. Some of it wasn't, i.e. the bonfire.

I am not going to tell you to take the "high road". I will tell you not to do anything that will hurt YOU in the long-run. I'll be brutally honest here: I've never felt a moment of guilt over burning my WS's possessions. In fact, I still get a little smile out of it.

YES. Though I cannot decide whether or not to act on it.

I did get some revenge, I guess. I haven't posted my whole story yet, but when I learned about my husband's few-month-long-affair, it came as a COMPLETE shock- I went a little nutty.

I hired a sitter, went to the local bar by myself, told my sad story to anyone and everyone who would listen, made all kinds of new friends, and got drunk. Then I happened to meet one of my H's military students- I recognized his name from my husband's work stories. Basically, I picked him up, made out with him in front of everyone there (many of whom knew my H), and took him home. Ordinarily, I NEVER would have done something like that.

Nothing ended up happening, sex-wise (thank goodness), because when I brought this poor young guy home, who should literally jump out of the bushes but my WH! I'd kicked him out and he'd been staying with the OW, but apparently he decided to check up on me on a Friday night at 2AM. When he realized I'd hired a sitter and gone out, he waited to see if I'd come home alone! He FREAKED OUT- he charged his student like an angry gorilla, and the poor guy jumped back in the cab and took off. WH and I ended up having a rip-roaring fight that night.

Two days later, he came home, bags in hand, BEGGING for another chance. I did let him come back, once all of my conditions were met and agreed upon.

So yeah- I guess maybe that counts (making out with his underling)...?

As for the OW- I did call Child Protective Services on her. The day I found out, I Facebook messaged a good number of her friends and family members (I tried to pick people who I thought would disapprove of homewrecking/child neglect/etc- like grandma, great aunts, her father, friends with husbands who might want to know that she liked married men, etc).

I also added her picture and phone number to a few Facebook groups devoted to dissing homewreckers- LOL. She has no job and no spouse, so I couldn't do anything there. Oh, and I ordered her lots of magazines- like, tons and tons of weird magazines with 'bill me later' options. I have a couple other little ideas, but it might be better if I don't cop to those here- one plan very dear to my heart involves a wee bit of property damage, so.....

Did any of these things make me feel better? Not really. Okay, maybe a little.

[This message edited by Spilledmilk at 5:16 PM, January 11th (Tuesday)]

Yes and I did a little. I called her out and sent her pictures to thedirty.com. They posted it. I felt a little better but it's like putting a band-aid on a gash.

Really, the question should be: Has anyone not wanted revenge?

The only thing that has kept me on the high road is that from up here, I have a good view of the low road. Everyone has seen me up here on the high road, and would likely not believe if I decided to make a brief foray down to the low road to cause some damage.

For OP, I want him to suffer a long slow excruciatingly painful illness in palliative care. I want to visit him every day there and talk about how bad it looks and how much pain he is in, with a smile on my face while I kink the IV line on his morphine drip.