SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

he is still at the house and sleeping on couch but things calmed down. i had a medical issue the other night that could've killed me and it freeked both of us out. so we have been sort of in shock while i heal.

because of this he is extremely appologetic, doing his part at the house and still looking for work.

Im not sure I can get past all of it but thinking about it alot.

i think what scares me most is when I look at him, I wonder how I could ever be intimate again. its like I dont really recognize him. but when I close my eyes, I remember... sex is pretty important to me, to be passionate and connected because my 1st marriage had no affection or loving words. it was terrible.

my husband is the opposite, very affectionate and touchy/feely.

I just dont know how to get past all that happened to be healthy again, even if we wanted to. yes, I have called to get into counseling, even if its for me to go alone. but they are booked for a few more weeks :/ so one day at a time here till I decide what I want.

Please don't mistake the calmness for everything being okay. He sounds hateful. He's probably trying to pull you into a false sense of security.

oh he was hateful. he wasnt getting what he wanted so he reacted badly every single time.

weve talked a couple times and I said every time there was a bad situation you failed. you didnt walk away, you pushed me and pushed. then i got angry and scared and you refused to walk away. i said that doesnt make people want to be with you. nor is it showing love.

I said, i havent called you XYZ. i remained calm until you push me so far Im yelling and now bottling everything up.

the calm is because he is cohabitating w us and just doing what he must to live. hes going to school, doing homework and applying to jobs everyday.

im working, keeping busy w kids and my own reading and alone time. that alone helped me to just breathe. its also let the dust settle. even tho I know whats done is done. I dont forget. i rarely forgive.

I'm lost here. Is there such a thing as a legal annulment? I thought they were pretty much strictly within the Catholic church, or perhaps Anglican, too. I also thought that you can't get an annulment UNTIL you get a legal divorce.

How would an annulment remove him from your house if you're still legally married?

My first marriage was annulled.. I've never heard of a legal annulment .. Mine was done in the catholic church. I initially took it to our priest & he & the clergy lawyers did all of the work, I paid $500 & it was granted pretty easy.

I had several grounds ( I think they were all religious tho) my EX had an affair, was infertile & abandoned me & all of those were enough to get the annulment pretty quick but like I said, I think it had more religious grounds than legal

[This message edited by philly172 at 5:33 PM, February 7th (Thursday)]

oh you certainly can get an annullment. depends on state and reason tho. I am not catholic and never married in a church but yes you can get annullments thru them if you are of that religion.

Kim Kardashian is trying to get an annullment right now LOL.

I would be needing to go thru the court to be granted one if they feel i can prove fraud, cooersion or mental instability at time of marriage.

things are better tho and I am just in it for the time being. I have no major connection tho and if I feel threatened or that hes not doing his part, I am ending it. he knows this. I will not jeopardize myself again in a relationship if im not getting anything out of it.

Legal and Religious annulments are completely unrelated to one another, besides the fact that they share a name, and they both recognize that a marriage "never happened" - although in different eyes (the state/federal govt. versus a religious body, typically the Catholic church). Discussing them together is like fruit salad.

bump on this for update:

although we never could find a counselor to get us in, we started to do really good for a while, but it never lasted long. its constantly up and down. more so than my ex who cheated.

I am still married, and he still doesnt have a job. and we are still living off most of my income because his disability mostly goes to child support and then rest goes to fly daughter here.

during a vacation last week, of constant fighting and me doing everything for kids and myself while he slept, I said yep this shit keeps adding up, then I found him smoking. he was to have quit a yr ago. and there he was hiding it. i said, i will file for divorce at the end of the month... I should have said next month tho cause i really need to get a few things done for work first and filing is very stressful and draining.

he is looking for apartments. and I am mostly excited about that.

he has a child who he sees every few months, IF the mother allows it, even tho he has court orders, she constantly causes issues and the stress of that alone and all the money is too much for me. today we had 14 hrs of fighting w ex and calling airport to see if we can cancel flight. i see I'm already checked out on his child. I used to really like her but now i just make no effort because getting attached seems silly.

reading baggagereclaim really helps me. im at the point where I have to be told over and over in my head that making decisions to better my life is what I need to do. stop feeling guilty. stop having hubby tell me im wrong for feeling this way.

honestly, I was way less depressed when my last hubby was cheating on me. I was devestated and such but at least I loved him and was attracted to him, we had sex often and it was good.

I want no form of affection from him at this point and its been 7 months since I have said I love you or felt love for him.

(just as it started to come back he screwed up to make me not trust him again)

we just make better friends than lovers and partners. I need a man who gets up at 8 or 9am to take his dog out while I take care of the kids. I also need that same guy who doesnt have a job to mow the lawn and put his clothes away and help clean WITHOUT me asking.

i just need more. and i see no point in being married to fight about obvious needs and things that have to be taken care of.

praying he has an apartment by July 1st. we have no kids together and married only 7 months so im hoping there isnt anything to split and we can do it ourselves.