SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Distraut

Send karate man the sex text from your wife.

Ask him if he needs your advice on how to satisfy your wife.

Do it just before she moves out.

And do not let her back in.....

She "thinks" it love?

No, she wants it to be. Desperately wants it to be.

Why?

Because inwardly she knows that she is doing something to someone (her family) that she would never, ever want anyone to do to her. She knows what she is doing is viewed by healthy-minded people as horrible, immoral, and disgusting.

So what does a self-deluded person do in that circumstance?

Try as hard as possible to convince themself that this really, really shitty thing they are doing is something so extroardinarily special that it makes it all justified.

I mean, if it's the greatest love humankind has ever witnessed then it's ok, right?

How do you get over it?

Realize that you don't want anything to do with someone who would do that to you or your children.

Keptmyword

Im slowly coming to that realization.Twice now she has told me she doesnt really know what love is.

The hard part is not wanting her back cause I still do.Even though I know old marriage is dead.I think once she moves out 10 more days it will get easier.I keep telling myself this person is my wife only in body otherwise shes an alien

Distraut

I am going back a couple of posts to the conversation about outing the affair, if he is the owner of the DoJo he has even more to lose. His customers are also parents, husbands and wives just like you. Once the affair is exposed I bet there is a reduction in his clientele. How would you react if you had found this out about him and someone else’s wife? The next unsuspecting husband would like a heads up. Just my two cents.

I'm sorry, Distraut, but there are a few things I don't understand here.

Your WW is with some other guy, planning on moving in with him, and actively talking about divorcing you? So why the hell is she still in your house??? Tell her to let the POS OM support her and pack her bags! Now!

Look, I understand that you still love her and want it to work - but this is your marriage and you did NOT agree to a 3some.

You're still having sex with her? Really?

Dude, I'm sorry to say this but you are being shit on. Stand up for yourself and grow a pair. Tell your wife that this ends, now, or get the fuck out.

Then, when she leaves, go stand in front of the douchebags do jo with a flyer letting all of his clients now that he's fucking one of his student's married mothers. See how quickly his business goes in the toilet.

Again, I'm sorry for the harshness of the post but I hate to see someone who has done nothing wrong get screwed but a WS who doesn't know right from wrong.

Ok, this...

my WW has cheated with me too

...is not true. In order for you to have cheated with your WW that would mean your WW is no longer your W and she and POSOM are in some form of committed relationship. Having sex with your W is generally considered normal. That is how messed up your WW has made things.

I cant wait for her to come out of the fog I know it may takr some time for her to realize what she lost but i believe she will at some point and I dont know for sure if Ill want her back by then Ill just have to see.

You need to start letting go of the outcome. Really. Unfortunately even if she comes out of the fog and realizes what she lost...that does not mean she'll come back to you. I'm afraid that happens frequently. Realizing what she lost is one thing. Being able to face the consequences of her actions and look you in the eye and see the pain she caused...well that another. Some WS just aren't capable of doing the hard work and enduring the shame and guilt. I don't say this to discourage you but prepare you. There have been other BS on SI who thought they saw hope for R when their WS and the AP ended their "relationship" only to find their WS still couldn't/wouldn't R.

Wow Brandon808

You really know how to shock someone into reality.Here Im trying to maintain a glimmer of hope that God can somehow miraculously put my family back together and you give me the 2x4.Im not giving up hope its all I have left the rest has been stripped away from me.

My 2x4 was not intended to say you should not have any hope that things will work out. You can hope for it but you should focus on yourself and your kids. That is what you can control. The advice often given to BS hoping for R is that you have to be willing to lose the M to save it.

I think it is time to look for a new instructor for your son. The last thing you want is your WW to move in with his instructor and have your son find out about the A this way or have the other kids find out or have the A end and your son be treated badly by instructor.

I agree but I cant expose to children until court date 13 days I hope the lid stays on til then

Im not giving up hope its all I have left

"HOPE" is not a plan ... it is a recipe for getting your ass handed to you in D.

I agree but I cant expose to children until court date 13 days I hope the lid stays on til then

My friend ... you are being PLAYED by a vindictive WW.

We've all seen this scenario played out way too often, and we know you will do nothing until you see first hand that your WW has been stringing you along, only to do an about face during the D, when you are least expecting it and completely unprepared.

D is WAR and you are going into it completely and voluntarily unarmed. WW do not play fair in D and if you don't shake up the dynamic, you will roll over and give her what she wants just to make it stop.

It is often said that WW's have a scripted playbook that they operate from ... Well, BH's have one too, and you are following it to a "T". You have zero boundaries ... therefore, no consequences for those boundaries being breached, and WW has a 6 month head start on you preparing for D.

My Rev

your right about boundaries thats a mistake I made.She moves out in just over a week court is in 12 days papers are signed I get house and children so Ill eat crow for 12 more days.Then implement my plan going Dark WW thinks were going to be friends like OM and his Ex.

Im hoping once they are living together fog will lift reality will set in but im preparing for the worst Im gonna take care of me and children and go as dark as I can on her.

For your sake I'm hoping she doesn't have a secret plan in place. I am wishing and hoping everything turns out as you wish. But like @MyRevelations said, D is a war.

If it turns out to be a cakewalk then well...lucky you. Be careful, check her moves ( lawyer visits, plans etc..).

All the best mate!

Im gonna take care of me and children and go as dark as I can on her.

This is the best thing you can do for yourself, your children, and your sanity.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Distraut,

Exactly what is the status of your D?

Your most recent post seems to indicate that all property and custody agreements are finalized and you're just waiting on the judge to enter the final decree in 12 days, but it doesn't seem possible to be at that point that quickly ... what exactly is happening in 12 days?

[This message edited by MyRevelation at 1:07 PM, March 21st (Thursday)]

Well,I don't know how it is for me, but I don't know that I will ever get over the thoughts of my WH with OW.

I know I will get pushback, but my two cents.. the kids need to know. On there level in the simplest terms possible and a few details as possible. I only believe in divorce in cases of abuse, addiction and affairs, so if we were to get a D my kids would not be told that mommy and daddy just can't get along. First of all they know that is not true. We get along great. Second,that would be setting an example that if a marriage gets tough you just get out.

My kids know ( he brought her around them )

I am, however, glad they know. They have learned a lot about love and forgiveness. They learned that we love daddy with all of our heart and we all do stupid things from time to time, but we still love one another.And if I was to have left, they would have seen that it was because no one should be treated that way, not because. Mommy and Daddy fell out of love.

I am sorry you are going through this.

One more thing.. I am sure there is more than one Karate studio in your town. Find it and sign him up.

[This message edited by lilflower1000 at 1:29 PM, March 21st (Thursday)]

MyRevelation is EXACTLY RIGHT. There is no such thing as a congenial divorce. You had better “play for keeps”. It is easier to give back ground after the divorce if you choose to, but you can never regain ground you have lost.

A side note: going public with the affair will put pressure on the AP, who will be her support in the divorce. It will force him to put some skin in the game also.

If she is going to move in with the OM, then the kids will know whether you tell them or not. Once again, kids are not stupid. My 11 year old with learning disabilities really stood up and became the man of the house when this happened to me.

I hope you have a kick ass lawyer who has given you advise. Just remember more often than not, the courts usually side with the women. and, depending on the state, courts do not care a bit about anyone breaking their vows. Under the law your vows mean nothing I have found.

Thanks All

The status of my D is papers are all filled out by lawer waiting on my court appearance before judge I'm the only one going to court it is happening quick but not quick enough for me .

Anything could happen at this point but so far so good I'm hoping and praying it goes well I didn't want the D but I have to protect my children WW wants D there's a thread on here if you love them divorce them and that's basically what I'm doing setting her fee hoping she will realize what she is losing .I admit I don't have all the answers but I post on here and MA I appreciate the posative comments constructive criticism but really negative I don't need my own mind can come up with enough of that

but I post on here and MA

Explains a LOT!!!