SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I wish I had not confronted him right away when I found out I had an STD. I wish I had investigated instead. I would have found out a great deal as he was not really hiding yet.

I wish before I found out about the STD I would have trusted my instincts. I knew there were many things that didn't make sense. I always asked about them instead of investigating. He lied.

I wish I had relied on myself instead of him. I can trust me.

I wish I would have trusted my gut.

I wish that I would have suppressed my emotions and gone into full-blown investigative mode. I'm not too shabby at researching-- I can only imagine what I could have been able to accomplish if I hadn't freaked out and immediately confronted him.

Great thread!

I wish I tossed him out after I confronted him. In the beginning he looked remorseful. Maybe if I did that he would have seen things differently and tried to work on us. Instead, I was a pathetic, hysterical mess and now he's nasty. Now, all I want I want is a divorce.

I wish I had found SI earlier. Instead, I found it just I've a year after my first Dday.

Who knows if things would've been different.

I would like to offer all the new members big (((HUGS))) We are all here to help. You will get through this. I have faith in you.

I wish that I would have suppressed my emotions and gone into full-blown investigative mode. I'm not too shabby at researching-- I can only imagine what I could have been able to accomplish if I hadn't freaked out and immediately confronted him.

Yeah, this. I was naive, it's that simple. I trusted her too much, and the evidence I had was bad, but holy shit was it a lot worse than I thought initially. I should have kept cool and went full on investigative mode, packet sniffer, keylogger, var, hidden camera, everything. But I panicked and confronted too quick - gave her time to delete all the secret e-mail accounts and most of the evidence. I wish I hadn't trusted her.

I wish I was a citizen of Saudi Arabia when I just found out.

Honestly, I wish I had gotten a divorce right away. There's no rule you can't reconcile after a divorce. I doubt we would have ... I guess you live with doubt either way. If you divorce -- could we have made it work for the kids? If you don't -- would I have been better off?

It's just, forgiveness is a pretty tall order for your average human being. If it was such a huge deal for God, how can I manage it? I do what I can, but as the wise Lady Gaga and Beyonce said: "trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it's broken, but you can still see the crack in that M*f'ers reflection."

"What did you wish you should have done when you jfo?"

I should have packed his crap and told him to get out and immediately went NC!

However...if I did that, I might not know what kind of heartless narcissist I am dealing with. I guess I had to go through all of the in-your-face disgusting behavior to really understand that I was dealing with someone with ZERO empathy, remorse and no willingness to change.

1) I wish I had found SI or some other site online right away.

2) I wish I had kicked her a$$ out of my house when she allegedly came over to surprise H for his birthday

3) I wish I had told her flat out that the party was over ( we DID have a party) and she needed to leave right there and then.

4) I wish I knew there was something called 180 and not have been too forgiving

5) I wish I had compiled a list of my boundaries for him to sign.

The second time he befriended a new lady, as soon as I saw the first eyebrow-raising line, I confronted, wrote up a list of boundaries, started doing the 180 and HE is the one now to do the work to win me back. Period.

I wish I had nipped it in the bud when I thought that it was merely an inappropriate friendship. I wish I had thrown him out and divorced him on D-Day #1.

1) that I didn't beg for love. He had a choice- in the M or out. If he didn't want me, I didn't need him.

2) that I consulted a lawyer sooner. He had me so scared about custody.

3) I wish I had filed for D, maybe even D and made him earn his way back into M instead of living in limbo.

4) nothing I could've really done, but I wish I had one IRL friend I could've poured my heart out to. Just one person I knew I could call with my confusion and pain at any time.

I am only four months out from Dday, so here is what I wish for -that I could stop feeling that it was somehow my fault and that she had something that I don't have. Still struggle with that.

Wish I would have listened to my gut and refused to sign the temporary stipulation because it has come back to bite me in the butt. If something doesn't feel right that your attorney asks you to sign and the explanation of why you should sign it, doesn't sit well with you, don't sign. Glad I found a different attorney now.

2. I wish I knew that when he said it only "happened twice" it was code for "we did it more than twice a week"

THAT'S WHAT MINE SAID

And she still sticking to it

It was a 24 day affair

What do you think the real number was?

Numerous calls every day and texts

I'm betting between 10-12

His place was on her way to work and they worked at the same place

I read somewhere that once full on PA's start they have sex every day for the first week if they can.

[This message edited by Betrayed444 at 11:59 AM, April 7th (Sunday)]

I wish I had gone through his email and texts before he erased them all. I would have printed them and made a file. I wish I'd known how easy it it to get information from cell phone records. I wish I had waited for him to respond to her desperate email to reconcile, I would have liked to have known where their relationship was going.

On dday 1: should of ran into the bathroom with the laptop and close the door.

There was no lock

Dday 2 : pretty proud of how I handled that.

But I did the worse things softer dday2: did not know about archives so I destroyed his Facebook. I didn't check his phone logs to get a history. And I had the worst mc.

Haha a lot to regret.

[This message edited by lauren123 at 7:18 PM, April 7th (Sunday)]

I wish that I would have immediately filed for, aggressively pursued, and completed divorcing her.

I wish I had not believed in fairy tales

I wish I would have left on D Day and never looked back

I truly wish I had respected myself more.

I accepted far too many "crumbs" thrown at me.

[This message edited by moonview at 8:03 PM, April 7th (Sunday)]

I wish I had found SI sooner

I wish I had taken the time to get my thoughts together and formulate a plan prior to confronting him.

I wish I had outed their affair to OW's family & friends.

I wish I had held onto NC instead of trying so hard to save our marriage.

I wish I had realized he was screwing my friend, I could have so busted them early on.

I wish I knew how to use the phone he was using,,, I'm sure there were texts I could have looked at at night when he was sleeping.

I wish I could have kept my cool, put a VAR in my house so that when they were in my house I would have it recorded because his family STILL doesn't believe me.

I AM glad I read the book Love Must Be Tough by Dr. James Dobson. He 100% agrees the 180 is the ONLY way to wake these people up... that they have crossed the line of respect many many times with us and our good nature lets them get away with it.

I wish I would have taken his clothes and dumped them on HER front porch and said YOU CAN HAVE HIM!!!!