SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

DD#1 9/2007 - Looking for hookups onine

DD#2 10/29/2009- Trying to hookup and meet with 3 old HS friends on FB

DD#3 7/13/2010 - making plans to meet with 4th HS friend that was in 

You are targeting the wrong person. Don't continue to stoop to this level. It will only come back at you.

These are adults who knew full well what they were getting into. Mess with a bull, sometimes you get horns.

That's why I'm torn. I posted the information in a moment of rage. I confronted her via email and she showed absolutely no remorse towards me at al. (the dialogue is one of my older post).

Oh. NOW I get it.

When she had the opportunity to show a little COMPASSION, a little human DIGNITY, and some common COURTESY to you, it wasn't worth it to her because she didn't BENEFIT from it.

Piece of shit.

But now that she actually BENEFITS from it, she's suddenly all apologetic and just full of remorse..is that it?

Too bad. I'd leave it.

If I were you I would deal with her for the complete truth. She reveals everything and you will remove it.

Yes, I've been tempted to put Perv and OW on there as well. I haven't yet, because I don't want anyone thinking that I spend any time thinking about either of them. You all know that I do, though not as much as it seems. But I don't want them to know-most esp. her.

Anyway, my gut reaction is that you have a bully here, Chef. OW in Perv's case is a bully, too, out protecting something that's not even hers.

I agree with the posters who suggest leaving it there and going NC with her, but I know how hard it is, like trying not to make noise in an auditorium and open a candy...lol.

My two cents is that if anyone saw it, they already had information or at least ideas and yep, what was daddyo doing trolling the cheating pages anyway? I'd be very curious there. Clearly, she didn't keep her "activities" as hush hush as she hoped.

And, if her children have any serious chance of seeing it, chances are that they could be old enough to have half a clue of what mommy dearest is up to or capable of...do you know what I mean?

For instance, DD here is simply not allowed on various sites if she gets to go online at all. She has her own nook and doesn't use grown ups computers that I know of, so it's my opinion that if those kids are monitored, there would be no issue in them seeing it. Unless she left a trail open and lets them on without her present, like Perv when DD found dating sitex on his and he had a cow.

One more little bit from my head is that Perv can't stand in the worst way, boundaries and labels and such and absolutely denies himself the role of a cheater. On a page like Cheaterville, there is simply no way to deny what a person has done-there it is, black and white, crystal clear for all the world to see. So she could be similar and sounds like she's canoing down the Denial River somewhere nearby and may pass Perv...maybe she can whack him on the head. Not trying to make fun, just trying to be a little light hearted.

If you write to her again it may also pump up her ego and she could get excited at upsetting you or 'engaging' you in a back and forth, where right now the ball is in your court.

Not easy and I wish you well in what you do.

In this case it was FB and some of the others that they went on and though he was pretty excited about DD not finding out his "activities", he and she put up scrapbooks, so to speak, including DD in their fantasy, so they actually did their own outing, though Perv will say, "No one found out from me!!!!" Whaa?

I would leave it, too. OW is trying to play you. What a lot of unremorseful OW's do so well is manipulate people. OW is trying to manipulate you.

*Crickets* to her e-mail, do not delete.

Consequences are a bitch!

Don't remove it.

I agree with confused615. She said she is worried about her children seeing it. How? How old are the children? And why would they be on that site? Unless they are old enough and think something is up.

To elaborate on that comment. It seems WS are worried about the children AFTER the A. Had they thought of their children BEFORE the A, they would not be there. That would have given more time for playing, doing schoolwork, making dinners, and such with their kids instead spending time humping some other person. Then, WSs would not have to worry about what their kids think. They would know, because they have a relationship with them. DUH!!!

But wait, sorry, that would make sense. Sorry, I forget sometime I have to dumb myself down to think like a WS still living in the fog and in living in the Bob Ross painting. "It's your world...Happy Trees."

Don't remove it.

You're an interesting species, an interesting mix. You're capable of such beautiful dreams and such horrible nightmares. You feel so lost, so cut off, so alone, only you're not. See, in all our searching, the only thing we've found that makes the emptiness bearable is each other. - Contact

[This message edited by Linus1968 at 10:53 AM, May 13th (Monday)]

I don't think I would remove it. I don't really know how her children would be able to see this unless someone in her family or who knew her was looking for it to expose her and she has already been exposed so I can't see them being hurt any further. As for her, her sister, or her father, "Who cares!". It's her problem.

You say I"m not remorseful - I am. You say I'm callous and mean - I think the same things of you - any sympathy I had for you has gone out the window after seeing this. Not that it's your concern, but to set the record straight - Yes, true I was still married when this started, but....

Wow. I could pick this to pieces - but what's the point? We all see the same thing anyway, don't we. She's about as unremorseful as it is possible to be.

What you do with the listing going forward is your choice, but I just can't help but be glad that she was forced to insert a *small* 'I'm sorry' in that message - even if it's very small and buried in amongst the rest of her telling you how bad *you* are (and I don't think she means it for one second) but at least she's been forced to write the words ..... and I do believe that it must have been like pulling teeth for her.

Anyway what you do with the listing is up to you. She already made her choices affecting your life, now it's your turn. Do whatever you think is best for YOU and your family - but she 'could' put your husband on the site, and your kids could see that - that's the only thing I would caution you to think about.

If there IS something you want verified - you could always use it as a bargaining tool first and then take it down after. Your choice. At this stage, I think you should do what makes YOU feel best and what is best for you and yours. You don't owe HER anything.

The OW could post both Chef's WH and, in fact, Chef on Cheaterville. I don't think there is anyone at that site asking for the proof of cheating. Taking down the OW's profile doesn't guarantee OW won't do something like posting WH or Chef. imo

I posted both OM on that site... one of them threatened legal action against me. Crickets. When that didn't work, he called and begged. That didn't work until I got to talk to his BS - I needed to know that she knew what this was all about, and that she knew what a POS she was married to. His BS called and asked me to take it down, and I did, out of respect for her.

I never have heard from the other OM... he's still up there with a police arrest warrant if he ever tries to get in touch ever again - so the die is cast in that case.

That said, I would leave it up - a previous poster said it best "Welcome to cause and effect!"

But then I read her attempt to ask me to remove it and she STILL doesn't get it and will NEVER get what she did to me. She just tried to contact WH 2 weeks ago via linkedin. She talks about her girls!! What about mine and the possibility of their family being completely torn apart??? She acts like she's the victim in all of this....

Don't remove it. She made her bed, now she has to lie in it. That's called consequence. I would just text that part you wrote back.

Tell her, you don't like it? Tuff, should have thought about that before you messed with my family. I don't need your sympathy or remorse. Tell her you don't have everything. You will never get back the intimacy she stole from your marriage. That will never come back, so-it will never be over for you. She is sorry? She can't change anything? Should have thought about that before hand.

What a bitch.

Actions=consequences

Crickets

I'd leave it.

IMO if her kids or kids friends are old enough to find it, they're old enough for her to explain it.

I wouldn't delete it.

In fact, I'd add a few juice tidbits of information.

Every time she sends any form of communication, she gets an update to the Cheaterville profile. Even date stamp them with the dates of her contacts.

Make it clear who's in charge here.

No damn way would I take it down after her pathetic e-mail, but I am a vendictive bitch like that. So she has consequences to trying to destroy your family?? Who cares??? She did it to herself by lowering herself to screw a married man while she was married. She screwed up her own life and as far as her kids go she didn't think of them when she was dropping her panties for your WH, so why think of them now? I would give it no more headspace, it's her's to own now.

If there IS something you want verified - you could always use it as a bargaining tool first and then take it down after.

OR NOT!

I had to chime in...

Who cares about a whore and her spawn?? What an entitled twat!?! Like you should care about her family when she nuked yours???

Delusional Much?

I would get more info out of her and NOT remove the listing, in fact I would update it after she spilled the beans!

Let her twist in the wind!

It's only an issue now that her life has been affected. Where was she before this? Did she ever try to make amends? Think about your kids?

That said- if you have to turn to the OW for information, your WH isn't doing all he can for R. The lies kept hidden tend to fester because it means the WS isn't doing their self work. Prepare for another d-day if he doesn't change.

If the posting is factual, fuck her, leave it up and give her crickets.

She should have worried about her daughters/family and such when she was frolicking with another women's husband. What about your family? Hmmm?

After she's gotten the crickets, I wouldn't post anything further however...you don't want her whining about "harassment".