SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

the guy using his student loan money for trips is being stupid. If the other people have parents who want to finance their lifestyle, well, more power to them, I suppose.

His are med school loans, so I know he assumes he'll be making plenty to pay them off soon enough. He's probably right, but dang, I'm jealous of his every month trips to Boston, San Diego, Portland, Chicago...

As for her, she's also fortunate to be super close to her family, and most of the trips they pay for are family trips (she's my age...) since she, her parents, and her brother all live in separate states. It's interesting, her parents pay for her, and she pays for her boyfriend to go along about every other trip. We are obviously quite close that I'm in her financial business (info she has volunteered, and she really is my best friend)

Amazonia, what you said earlier about finding someone with your same mind frame in terms of money really struck home for me. My ex was terrible about spending money. He had to have the newest cars, cameras, gadgets, UGH! it drove me insane. When we would discuss savings I cannot count how many times he said to me "What is the point of saving if you are not going to spend it?"

Now my fiance, is 100% different. He is a frugal bug. His mom has told me that he has always squirreled away his money. He has never... IN HIS LIFE... paid a penny in interest with credit cards. Us being on the same page when it comes to money has been gratifying, to say the least.

Also, when it comes to travel, vacation, etc. We are big into travelling. It is, what I would consider, a priority for us, especially since both of our families are out of state. But we have never put any travels on a credit card that was not paid off in full the following month, and we carefully plan our budget.

For example, November of 2014 we are planning a trip to the Galapagos. We already know how much it is going to cost. Everything we purchase, from gas to groceries goes on a credit card that is paid off at the end of the month. So far, we have about $150 in miles. On my credit card I have $100 cash back, and that is not counting the money we have been putting away in savings every month for the actual trip.

Taxes, Christmas, birthday moneys... everything has been into our savings! It sucks not having the coolest purses, or going out to eat every night... and clipping coupons is such a pain! Looking for the best discounts takes so much time... but dammit, when we are taking pictures of the giant tortoises every penny will be worth it. Especially knowing it is all paid for. ;D

Oh, I budget, too. I am the queen of budget, lol, but I don't use spreadsheets. I am so old school, I use the registers you get from the bank. Keeps it simple. xD

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 7:06 PM, May 28th (Tuesday)]

I think I need to think long and hard about this.

Please do. I am a saver...like I would be okay with having money in savings and not doing anything extra every month saver. Do3K is a spender...like if he has a dollar in his pocket, he thinks he needs to buy something. Needless to say this has resulted in many fights and much frustration for both of us. There have to be realistic expectations for both people, or it does lead to a lot of frustration that could be avoided by simply finding out what the other person finds important (in relation to a budget).

Ama -- for budgeting and general tracking, I use mint.com, which is a free service that links directly with your accounts to give automatic updates. I love going in there to see my progress on net worth, tracking where I am on spending, etc.

I also use and love mint. It categorizes downing so you can make budgets really easily and you can set it to let you know if you've gone under budget.

I also agree that financial responsibility isn't very common with our age group. I notice the same things where people just put it on a credit card, they will pay it off later.

Xwbf was an extreme spender. If he got paid on Friday, he'd go shopping Friday amd then wonder how to pay car insurance. It took me years to get him to start paying more than the minimum payment on his maxed out credit card. I think I'll have to remember the spending priority discussion whenever I start dating again

I have always been a saver but XH was not. He would rack up our credit cards and I would take out student loans to pay them off because I couldn't stand having the debt, only to have him rack up the cards again. It was like I was in a state of constant panic attack because we had debt that I didn't see an end to. I am now in the process of slowly paying them off. I even have an excel spreadsheet that will tell me the exact day I will be debt free.

Current SO and I both grew up in very similar financial upbringings. Our parents paid for everything in cash, they planned for every purchase they made. Typically we only went out to eat for special occasions.

One of the things I love about SO is that we do have similar financial views. This weekend I had to spend a bunch of money fixing my car and SO understood that it made me uncomfortable and that I would have to be frugal for awhile. He has helped by suggesting cheaper meals that we could make using things I already had in the fridge.

You are NOT too uptight about finances. As badly as I would love a cool car, I have a perfectly functional hand-me-down car that came to me for free and in excellent condition. The money I've had to sink into it for repairs here and there is less per month than a car payment.

I buy as much as I can at consignment/used/thrift shops or ask my family if someone has an extra "whatever" that they don't want! I furnished my house that way-- taking what little STBX let me have and then taking a bunch of cast-offs from family members.

I also have no debt, pay off my cards every month, sink the maximum into retirement every year, and used the bulk of my D settlement to buy my little, affordable house outright so that I don't have a mortgage. STBX thought I should get a bigger house with a mortgage. No thanks-- bigger meant higher taxes, more debt, more house to care for. I downsized quite happily.

My parents also lived that way and taught me to live that way. Yes, I'd love to travel more. Yes, there are often items of clothing and jewelry that I'd love to splurge on. Yes, I'd love to buy a certain type of car instead of driving the one I have. But... I like knowing that if I lost my job, we'd be okay for a while. If the car does break down, I could easily afford a used one. I also have money to do fun, local things with my kids and not feel any guilt, and that's what is important to me. I'd rather have quality time with my loved ones on the cheap than spend it on all sorts of fancy items that will put me in hock.

Keep doin' what you're doin'!

This thread makes me SO HAPPY!

I come from a very poor family; WH comes from an extremely wealthy family.

Living with him and becoming close to his family has really opened my eyes... for the first part of my life I thought everyone struggled, or those who didn't were just "lucky" or "cheaters." (My mom had/has extreme jealousy issues... EXAMPLE: one of my friends lived in a $300k house and my mom talked endless crap about how his family cheated and stole to afford that house...in reality his dad owned a successful business and his mom was a teacher ) Now I've really seen what financial security looks like -- to never have to drive to a local coffee shop to use their bathroom when your water gets turned off; to never get locked out of your own house because it is foreclosed upon; to actually save for your children's education(s).... and I am obsessed with spreadsheets and calculations and "if I get this Master's degree I will earn X and pay off my loans in Y years and save Z and retire at age ##." I use mint and am a member of Experian and use their "score adjuster" (a sliding scale that lets you see what your score would change to if, say, you paid off only half of your credit card) obsessively. I'm in my mid-20s so I consider myself lucky to have a husband who thinks along the same lines as me!

I have a lot of trouble dealing with my family though. Ugh. My mom lives rent-free, makes $50k/year, and is filing bankruptcy. (But wait -- she has to save up until December to do so. Don't ask me. I ask for her budgets so I can help her and she's just not interested in writing out her expenditures ) My genius sister, who is 3 months behind on her car payment, bought her a Tiffany's bracelet for Mother's day. It kills me.

[This message edited by mysticpenguin at 10:26 PM, May 29th (Wednesday)]

I use to use Mint, years ago. But at the time (I think it was new) there were a lot of quirks to it, things that annoyed me, especially when it came to reconciling with my check book. I did eventually stop using it, but I still get notifications for it from the accounts that I use to have (that are now closed or little used).

I have PNC's Virtual Wallet, which has spoiled me when it comes to online banking. There is no way I could go back to the other peon online bank interfaces, unless it has an interactive calendar on my homepage, moneybar, and a pig I can punch.

[This message edited by Dark Inertia at 8:08 PM, May 30th (Thursday)]

I too get upset to see people file for bankruptcy. Who do they think pays for that stuff? I am lucky in that at least my fWW and I have the same view about money. Nothing makes us happier than to see our net worth increase. We both make modest salaries but earn commission. We have learned to live off of the salary (after maxing out 401k), and then banking the commissions. Every once in a while, we pull from savings to use on vacation or something, but each year it must grow.

It doesn't hurt that managing money is my business.

We live in a modest house, to the point of sometimes being a bit embarrassed when certain friends come over. I have to admit I am self conscious about it. I have to bite my tongue sometimes to not blurt out....I know the house isn't great... but we saved $XX last year. I am petty like that a little. Both my fWW and I were given a college education so we plan on passing that down to our kids. That is going to hurt!

I think "savings" is a very subjective word. What kind of savings - rainy day, retirement, saving for a specific item, college education or just to watch it sit there?

I also think it depends where in life you are. When I was younger I enjoyed my money, I put things on credit (like vacations) and paid them off to do it again. As I grew and took on more responsibilty, I banked money to "get by" if anything happened - layoffs etc..

Now I am a few years from retirement, I have cut back on direct savings to do things like pay off my house, do my renovations & repairs. When I retire my income will drop & I don't want to have these things over my head.

My father always said he was spending my inheritance & I am glad he did, life is too short to die with a big bank balance & no wonderful shared memories with loved ones. Go on vaction - you can always make money.