SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Thank you, guys, I was thinking the worst. You've allayed my fears. What would I do without you?!

Knowing. I keep watching for updates. I know when I was contacted by OW husband I was thankful and we felt kindred in a way since we were both deceived. Also thankfully realized beyond one or two exchanges that was enough to let us both move onto our own paths of healing and dealing w our spouses brokenness on our own.

this might not be his WW's first time around the block. Might not be as devastating if she is a repeat offender. FWH's BH knew of at least 4 other A's his WW had. The one she had with my FWH was the straw that broke the camel's back , so to speak and he divorced her. Subpeonaed my H as a witness, too..... that's another story

[This message edited by JustWow at 7:07 PM, June 27th (Thursday)]

You did the right thing. Hang in there. Just stay calm when you do speak to him. He has a right to know about it too.

Tried calling the BH at 8:30 am (my time) which would be the afternoon, his time. No answer, so I bravely left my name and number on his voicemail.

I am out-of-town with my family for the holiday weekend so it's difficult for me to find a moment alone.

When I thought about making this call I wanted someone to be there with me. My nerves are not what they used to be, before the miscarriages and the A. I have terrible anxiety attacks now. When I thought about who I'd want to hold my hand, I thought of my fWH. This being a "trust but verify" situation, I can't do that. It's nice to think that I now consider my fWH my biggest ally.

((knowing)) You've got this. Can someone else hold your hand?

Nope, right now it's just you guys.

I'm travelling with my family right now, so I'm far away from my support network... But I'm feeling much better about this (eventual) conversation. I am less nervous. I've gone from fearing that its some sort of a trap to thinking maybe he's grateful that someone's willing to be honest with him.

I'll be home Tuesday evening, so that's the earliest possibility. I tried calling yesterday morning but the time difference is making it hard to connect.

Good luck and keep posting. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you that it goes well and is empowering for both of you. Regardless, you have done the right thing and should be proud of it.

Finally spoke to him on the phone today! It was very difficult to connect with the OBH because he is travelling for work constantly, different time zones, etc...

He was aware of the A, but not anywhere near the extent that I was. He became aware of the A last fall around the same time I did. They have rugswept it, with a "move on" attitude. He informed me there is no OC and they have not followed through on her plans to purchase a property in the city in which we live. "Not now" he said, as in not in the light of the A.

He seemed eager to just put it behind him, for the sake of his marriage and his child.

Thanks for the update....

I am sure he will be a BS again.

You can't ignore this crap...for the sake of anyone!

Good job on your part.

You did the right thing. And I agree with Karma. We've all seen how effective the rug sweeping strategy is. I bet it is going to eat him alive. *sigh*

I am sure you are quite relieved knowing there is no OC and that MOW won't be moving to your town any time soon.

(((Knowing)))

I am very relieved to know there is no OC, the last time they had sex she said the timing was questionable. Glad to hear they didn't buy a house here last fall (she was looking).

Being a bleeding heart raised by hippies, I had to bite my tongue. I had a moment where I wanted to tell him about real R, SI, about how his wife just wants to replace him... But I didn't feel it was right. He didn't seem to want or have much to say to me. I had several questions ready for him, some of which I forgot because I was in the garden and didn't have my list with me. I did manage to remember the important ones.

Good for you.

I met with AP's BH (he knew) and it was very healing, although sad because he was a friend. We didn't compare notes so much as talk about how we were doing, how to deal with kids, etc.