SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Daily? People still think about this daily, after years have passed?! I'm 8 months out and have been holding out for the day that I will go an entire 24 hrs without thinking about this. Some days I feel like there is no hope, that I will never have any peace :(

Oh God, I don't think I can cope with this pain for YEARS!

I expect it to hurt for a good while but not years. These people have no idea what they've done to us and most of them don't care, they must think we'll get over it in days or something.

A friend asked me if I'd stopped thinking about HIM the other day. It was a week after D-Day FFS!

Almost two years out and I still think about it daily. There are probably a lot of variables - the length of the A, the length of TT, how you found out, how long it took your spouse to get out of the fog, plus a million other intangibles. There are rules of thumb, such as 2-5 years to heal from the A from the last hurt (note that I didn't say get over it, the key word is heal). Everyone is different though.

I have no idea how long it lasts no idea if it will ever go away for me.

I still think of my husbands previous emotional affair and what was going on almost daily and that was three years ago. Today I am consumed with the current one.

I did find I was not obsessing over the other person and looking them up online after several months ( the first time). I did however think about it daily for a long long time.

Although my Dday was 4 yrs ago, I feel that (thanks to SI) my "healing" didn't begin until last year, with MC.

It blips on my radar every day BUT when I am involved with something it quickly fades into the far background. I am also back to being able to immediately distract my thinking.

So although you may have daily glimpses of it, it may just be fleeting.

Strength to us all.

I am TWENTY THREE YEARS out from her betrayals.

I regret not divorcing immediately. We both would have been better off by moving on.

We have a marriage of "politeness" that has no purpose. We are too old to go our separate ways. Not financially practical.

To answer the question "How long does thinking of the affair last?"

Forever

[This message edited by leakingheart85 at 10:18 AM, October 29th (Tuesday)]

Four years here and still thinking about it.

I am also about 5 months out and have been having pretty good days up until this morning. I just lost it and screamed at the top of my lungs, and basically threw a tantrum like a little kid would. It was so primal and raw and my throat hurt afterwards.

What started it? Just allowing myself to think about everything that happened. It's kind of scary that 5 months later, I still have that much rage inside.

I'm clocking 7 years, and it's still a daily thought. Not on the level of bringing me to my knees, or spiking my heartrate, but it is, and will always be, a permanent part of our/my history.

It sucks bigtime.

Almost 4 years out and I still think about it often. I think the big problem is that WH still works with OW and he brings up her name about once a month or so. This past month has been much more often.

There is still phone contact so I'm now thinking I'm not a good one to actually answer this question.

well, I see it as thinking about it every day if married to him or divorced. would probably be the same.

I am 20+ years and it is there daily but nothing like it use to be. I don't think about what I should of could of would of! Atleast maybe once a year if that. It is what it is. I didn't do it.. OMG I would of died of I touched something so damn nasty!!! Ewww..That is all on him!

Oh it gets comical as they age Seriously.. Of course I get older too but I look good(I get compliments all the time)them ummmm Ewwwww.. Yeah I know a little vain but that is ok...I have earned my stripes

All I can say is honey live life well..Don't concentrate on them and what they did. Think positive and positive things happen..It is hard those first 2 years I choked on it. Now it just is. I am glad I am me!

I pray your heart hurts less and your mind focuses on the positive in your life..

19+ years since D-Day 1 and 17+ years since D-Day2 and it still comes to mind each day, but there's a big difference between then and now. I heard a pastor once say that the pains of the past are like bees that buzz around you but they no longer have stingers.

I am TWENTY THREE YEARS out from her betrayals.

I regret not divorcing immediately. We both would have been better off by moving on.

We have a marriage of "politeness" that has no purpose. We are too old to go our separate ways. Not financially practical.

To answer the question "How long does thinking of the affair last?"

Forever

18 years since dday here. I think about her LTA many times a day.

But the pain that goes with those thoughts has dulled. Yours will too.

4 years on and still think about it every day

I am a little over 3 years out, and while I think of it daily, it's usually because the OW is now my children's stepmother and I still have to deal with ex and OW so much.

However, there have been stretches, particularly in the summer when I have my kids for a couple weeks with no interference or last spring break when I took my kids away, that I probably went an entire 36-48 hours with NO negative thoughts. I can see that once my kids are grown, I think it will be MUCH better.

I've done a lot of therapy, though.

Daily. Yep. DD#1 Jan 2010.

Sometimes, when I'm feeling strong it just gives me a wry smile and I feel superior. Other days it takes hold of me and pulls me down.

I now feel a great deal of peace in the sure knowledge that I can survive just about anything and remain steadfast in my values.