SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

5 years out here, the serious digging, snooping, checking ended around 1year. Still snooped quite a bit for another year. The thing is when you see the changes in your spouse, and things start to reach a new normal, the need, the urge to snoop goes away. Do I still look, yup occasionally but nothing that is over the top, or seems weird.

I can tell you that when he is having a tough time with work, he will become distant, and that results in me getting uneasy, and I will check things. I am 99% certain nothing is going on, but hey if it eases my mind why not.

If she is saying she feels like she is being baby sat, or complaining in any way, that would make my red flag go right up. He has not cared one iota, and gets why I have to sometimes. It's just the new normal of our M. If she is getting ancy about it, you may need to pay even closer attention to things.

Once bitten, twice shy!

I dream of the day when I don't feel like I need to check. I NEED that day, but it isn't here yet. 9 months and that day isn't anywhere near. My WW has been very good about it, except when I point blank ask her if she's heard from, talked to, seen, or anything with anybody she shouldn't. Then she says it hurts her when I ask. She should have thought about the hurt when she had sex with someone that wasn't me, her husband, and sexted to multiple others. The day I don't snoop or check up on her is the day I,I,I,I feel it's no longer needed.

You will stop checking when YOU feel ready. Honestly, if my husband asked me to stop checking for me that would be a red flag.

We are so comfortable with it, that I have a funny story... my FWH opened another email account for a hockey pool. He asked my permission and gave me the passwords. we did it together. The other day he was trying to log in, he called out to me...what's my password for the email again? I yelled it back. Obviously I knew because I had been logging in. Meh, it's a small price to pay to get your family back....My FWH doesn't mind at all. He even has me go into his email to find stuff all the time.

Stillhurt, I can relate to your story from the other side. About half the sites I visit that require a password, my H set up for me. The rest, I gave to him. I had to change my Yahoo password (they were bugging the crap out of me about it) and I immediately told him what it was. And most sites I stay logged in anyway so no real need to remember the password anyway.

Checking on XWH was a daily, hourly thing. I was obsessed. I tried to stop, but it was like a drug addiction. I am 3-1/2 yrs out and recently divorced. I quit checking when I realized the LTA was a dealbreaker.

Stop when YOU feel it is the right thing to do. Just don't let it consume you, like it did me.

((hugs)) everyone

My WW gets angry when I check but she doesn't want to R at all. I stopped checking just because it was too much effort since she doesn't want to R

I think that you stop checking when you start forgetting to check. When checking no longer matters.