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I'm not seeing it. Perhaps I'm merely blind or just thinking that the guy deserves a chance, but isn't that what happens when you garden? You get hot, sweaty, dirty. You also get hot, sweaty and dirty when you work out.

I don't think it was anything more than in the context of the subject he was talking about. In my experience, people are a LOT less subtle than that if they're meaning to make a sexual come-on.

Especially in this day and age of "sexual gratification is okay", etc.

Gently, but I think you're reading more into this than what it is.

I've been thinking about this some more. And it's rubbing me the wrong way.

Wait. Is that innuendo?

All jokes aside, I think that everyone is going to have a different opinion about what is appropriate or inappropriate because everyone's threshold is different. It's all very subjective here.

Idk why you wouldn't respond. Sure, I get that my opinion doesn't matter, and that if you felt uncomfortable then those are your feelings to have regardless of how I feel. However, since there are so many opinions about this, I'd draw the following conclusions:

1)it's not blatant. He didn't say, "when are we going to f###?" As such,

2)it sounds like you guys have had perfectly innocent/appropriate interaction up to this point. Which leads me to:

3)if YOU feel it's inappropriate, then you should watch closely. Time will tell if he is fishing or testing the waters for taking things to a sexual level with you. But, imho, this may or may not be innuendo is not reason in and of itself to NEXT! this guy. Just be vigilant. And finally:

4) if your vigilance reveals a sexual intent, then talk to him about it. Call him on it. Then, I see a few potential outcomes:

a) he immediately acknowledges your

feelings, is genuinely contrite and slows

his roll

OR

b) he downplays it

without acknowledging

your feelings (RED FLAG)

OR

c) he barely acknowledges your feelings,

mutters a false or forced apology

and fakes contrition until he tries it

again, completely disregarding your

feelings. (RED FLAG)

I guess what I'm saying is that this doesn't have to be a dealbreaker. But remain vigilant and go from there. Time will tell what this guy's true motives are.

[This message edited by abbycadabby at 1:02 PM, December 5th (Thursday)]

I didn't see the innuendo in the original post but after his email this morning talking about sex, yep.

WTH, you haven't even met him and he is telling you how he views sex. Way too early for that type of talk.

And one more thing.

I know that the word dirty can have a sexual connotation. But it also has a specific denotation as well, simply denoting something that has become soiled by dirt. Which your hands would have done if you were planting in your garden.

The fact that it was 65 degrees and not 90 means nothing. If you're out doing work in the yard, sometimes that involves different things. Lifting heavy bags of topsoil, hauling things around in a wheelbarrow, raking, etc, can cause you to get sweaty. It's physical exertion.

Idk. I'm just not seeing innuendo. But if you do, refer to my post above.

but after his email this morning talking about sex, yep.

There WAS no email this morning discussing how he views sex. As I'm reading it, the only thing she received from him today was what she posted in the OP.

I guess I am either completely clueless, or it takes something as brazen as a penis pic to offend me.

I'm pretty literal. You can get sweaty and dirty when you are gardening - or when you are doing any outside work.

Bottom line is that if you are feeling uncomfortable, you should pay attention and NEXT him. You don't have anything invested at this point, so move on.

NL

Apologies

I misread and thought he had emailed this morning after OP Thursday, re-reading I realise it was Cmego's view that was stated.

Its Friday morning here, does that count

I guess I am either completely clueless, or it takes something as brazen as a penis pic to offend me.

Before I jumped into the wonderful world of OLD, I wouldn't have given it a second thought either. Basically, guys bait women to see what the response will be. They can't be blatant about it though. That way, if you call them on it, they can just say "I'm sorry you misunderstood. I really was talking about gardening." and then they make you feel like you are the one who did something wrong. However, if they get just the right woman, she will respond the way he was hoping for.

Before I jumped into the wonderful world of OLD, I wouldn't have given it a second thought either. Basically, guys bait women to see what the response will be. They can't be blatant about it though. That way, if you call them on it, they can just say "I'm sorry you misunderstood. I really was talking about gardening." and then they make you feel like you are the one who did something wrong. However, if they get just the right woman, she will respond the way he was hoping for.

Yep!

XWH was an expert at this sort of thing, so I've become a lot more tuned in to this type of thing. The guys that use this approach always leave themselves an "out" that you misunderstood, but if you take the bait, trust me, they WILL happily go with it.

Idk why you wouldn't respond.

This is why...

Basically, guys bait women to see what the response will be. They can't be blatant about it though. That way, if you call them on it, they can just say "I'm sorry you misunderstood. I really was talking about gardening." and then they make you feel like you are the one who did something wrong. However, if they get just the right woman, she will respond the way he was hoping for.

If he is baiting her and she calls him on it she won't know if it was an innocent miscommunication or an intentional innuendo to elicit one of the above responses. If he is baiting her and she doesn't acknowledge it, it forces his hand.

Basically, guys bait women to see what the response will be. They can't be blatant about it though. That way, if you call them on it, they can just say "I'm sorry you misunderstood. I really was talking about gardening."

Hmm, I don't know. I've never met anyone while I was doing OLD that was actually that subtle. They'd have to be pretty damned clever to be that subtle about innuendo - and most OLD candidates that I ran into tended to have the tact of a box of bricks. They just didn't really have it in them to be THAT clever, know what I mean?

Agreed, though, there isn't that much invested in the situation right now, so if cmego were to "next!" him at this point, not much lost.

I'm just not picking up innuendo here, especially after cmego's description of the guy - he doesn't seem like this would be his M.O. As I said, most people who are hell-bent on sex talk or whatever don't have the patience or the tact to wait it out. At least, in my experience.

If I received this message:

"Hope the gardening was good, dirty, and sweaty. I find gardening very therapeutic, cleanses the mind and the body (well after a nice hot shower to wash the sweat off)."

I would reply after I was done gardening with the result... "It wasn't too bad today, I got all of the weeds pulled out. It looks great!" Or something to that effect and carry on with the rest of the conversation.

At the end of the day, cme, it's not what any of us thinks that matters.

The fact that this set your Spidey Senses off and you've not felt good about it since says it all.

Stick with your gut.

I would reply after I was done gardening with the result... "It wasn't too bad today, I got all of the weeds pulled out. It looks great!" Or something to that effect and carry on with the rest of the conversation.

There is nothing wrong with this response. But to offer no response at all to someone you have a date scheduled with and who up this point you've been interacting appropriately with? Idk.

If you sent a response like the above and the dirty, sweaty comment was intended as innuendo, he would persist.

Again, it's not my opinion that matters. OP has to make up her own mind. I just personally do not feel that this is a big deal, and if it's sets off spidey senses, then it should be watched closely.

Well, there are probably some small things that have my spidey senses tingling.

1. His very first email to me ended like this: "Your soft complexion and stark eyes are beautiful, and I would like to learn more about you should the interest be mutual. " It felt slightly….dunno. Off.

I responded because it WAS a nice email, but declined. He handled it well. I contacted him back about a month after that email. It did stick in my mind.

So, the past week while waiting for the date has been..formal? but ok communication.

2. He was very polite until last night when he asked me if he can "let his hair down" around me..which I questioned his choice of words. I commented that could mean..anything. His reply, "Letting my hair down, a reference to just being me with full disclosure. Let's face it, we're imperfect, and sometimes what one perceives as a fault, another perceives as a virtue."

I didn't really respond to this…I've been chalking it up to "email" vs "in person" communication, which is a horrible form of communication.

3. Then the email this morning about getting "dirty".

So…there are small things that are bothering me, but…it is also entirely possible that I'm looking for a reason to not like him. I wasn't that interested in him from the beginning. BUT, I'm trying to go out of my comfort zone and date different kinds of guys. Sometime I don't trust my own gut. I'm still learning.

I just wondered how other people perceived this exchange.

Inch by inch...

I still stand by my earlier post. Subtle, but the innuendo is there.

You're the frog in a pot of water. He's turning up the heat slowly but you wont know the water is boiling til you're already done 'fer...

I should add that my view on OLD and some of the 'treasures' found on those sites isn't all rose-colored. After dealing with an oversexed XWH and his various...vices, I lean toward very cautious.

No matter what other people think, if someone feels off to me, I dont question it, I move on.

If that means I miss out on someone "great", so be it. But that also means that I'm not dealing with someone else's bullsh!t either.

Ain't nobody got time for dat!

Ain't nobody got time for dat!

Amen Gaby!

I personally don't see anything sexual in his remark, but what matters is how you see it. If it offends you or puts up red flags for you, I say you should pass on the man. It means there's something about him that you don't like.

Gardening...good, dirty and sweaty. Well, that's my gardening experience. No inneundo to me. Maybe he's just being chatty.

I'd ignore and proceed on.

Now if he'd have said "I can come over and give you a hot shower." then there ya go.