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You know what guys? I realized I'm not being true to myself. I generally post on SI when I need to work though something. I'm getting the creeps from this guy, just little things that bother me are adding up.

I've chatted with plenty of guys via email. Very few give me the creeps. The only one that did, I ignored my gut and met him, and it was not a good ending (he stalked and drunk texted for a few days).

So…I sent this guy an email and told him that I was sorry, I have changed my mind and I am not interested, and wished him well.

But, I do firmly believe that there is a reason for a gut reaction…and I will listen to mine this time.

I would be disappointed if someone I was interested in meeting wrote that. I got a creepy feel from it, even if it was innocent. He was testing you, in my opinion. I've had it happen.

It's one of those could be/could be not statements and if you say something about it he might say you "took it the wrong way" he didn't mean anything by it.

I'm sorry but it would be different if you were in a relationship with him already but you had not even met him in person.

It's clearly an innuendo because all those 3 words would normally be used together for sex but not normally for gardening.

So:

We had good sex

We had dirty sex

We had sweaty sex

As opposed to:

The gardening I did today was good

The gardening I did today was dirty

The gardening I did today was sweaty.

Yes, the adverb works with both but it's more usually used with sex. That's why it's subtle.

Crucially, its the way he uses those 3 words together.

Good, dirty, sweaty sex.

Good, dirty, sweaty gardening.

The first one is the far more usual use of those 3 words.

Can you check him out a bit e.g. look up the docket on his divorce. It can give some clues.

I don't know what I think of his wording. (and it's pretty irrelevant anyway since you've already taken action.......but I'll jump in anyway....)

It 'could be' kinda ick......AND also.... There are people that are really, really into gardening and find healing in 'toiling' and 'working the earth'. Maybe he's just really passionate about gardening.

Regardless of *what* he meant -- you need to trust your gut.....

Let's just say it is still unfolding…and I made the right decision.

He sent me an email response with some veiled…jabs. That was 3 paragraphs long.

Two hours later he texted me saying he was sad we weren't talking.

I haven't responded to either.

He sent me an email response with some veiled…jabs. That was 3 paragraphs long.

Two hours later he texted me saying he was sad we weren't talking.

I think you dodged a bullet here cmego.

Your instincts will never fail you.

Good for you for trusting yours.

Late to this thread. Glad you trusted your gut, cmego.

Earlier in the OLD process, I ignored my gut reaction on things similar to this, gave the guy a chance even though it seemed a little bit "too" much...and when I did that, I had an enjoyable date, but when I continue to put the kabash on the sexual innuendo, the guy disappeared. Steve Harvey talks a lot about this in the book "Think Like a Man, but Act Like A Lady" and compares guys like this to fishermen who are fishing for easy fish, not "keepers". You're not an easy fish!

I know that that you've made your decision not to meet him (good decision, btw), but I wanted to say that Jemimapd explained it well.

His comment was, IMO of course, definitely innuendo.

The innuendo would have been a yellow flag for me. The red flag would have been the disconnect between his formal tone, "....should the attraction be mutual" and the overly familiar tone of "good, dirty and sweaty." That's weird to me.

Regarding his hot, sweaty, hot shower afterward, steamy gardening comment, he was hoping for a response from you that connected his comment to sex....something like, "Wow! You make gardening sound like a lot of fun!"

Also, IMO, if you receive an innuendo like this during early communication with a person and then agree to meet, it's a bit of a green light for them. They can conclude that since you didn't respond negatively in any way, and you also agreed to meet, you must have found it enticing.

Good call on your part. I guess he will have to let his hair down with someone else, "should the attraction be mutual."

Thanks guys. I am glad I stood my ground and didn't agree to meet him just because I "am nice".

I honestly had a rough night last night, a dream that he was in my house. I didn't sleep much, got up and checked my doors, etc. I didn't give him any of my personal info except for telephone number, he has no idea where I live. But, I'm still a little shaky after the email and then text last night.

I checked my "closed/hidden" OLD profile this morning and he is still "looking" at it. I'm not sure if he can see anything. Since we did communicate via OLD, even if my profile is closed, I wonder if he can see my photos? OLD shows who tries to view your profile, and it shows it was "viewed" 19 times in the last 2 days. I'm guessing he is just checking to see if my profile goes back up…which it isn't. I'm taking a break over Christmas and just have fun with my kids.

Crap. I hope he just gives up and moves on to someone else.

There are times I really wish you could "rate your dates" on OLD. Leave feedback that only other potential daters could see. I'm guessing it is too much of a liability issue.

[This message edited by cmego at 8:02 AM, December 6th (Friday)]

Late to respond.

I'm so glad you dodged a bullet here!

Clearly I either lack boundaries or I'm just too literal for my own good!

I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm dying to read what some of his jabs were.

Curiosity is getting the better of me!

I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm dying to read what some of his jabs were.

I'm curious as well!

OK, I had to remove a lot for identifying information, but here are some of them:

I appreciate and expect your honesty. Communications are critical at all stages, even though we have not met or been on a "meet". xx To be blunt, only you can figure that shit out.

Now regarding our brief development/correspondence, I could take a defensive approach and admonish you for suggesting to me being in the status of "separated" was not meeting entry criteria

(The first time he contacted me, I informed him I don't date S men. When he D'd is when we reconnected.)

Truth is, only you know what and how you choose to feel. Shit gets confusing when xx It's your choice, and you have made it clear. I have the choice to be persuasive or passive, and honestly I choose to be passive and let you figure it out for yourself. You are xx, and perhaps this is an opportunity to present your own argument for you and put emotions aside for a moment for validation.

The whole thing smacks of passive aggressive control. He wants me to defend myself, and I am not taking the bait. It is all an undercurrent of…something. He wants to control me and is criticizing me.

Definition of "admonish" ~ warn or reprimand someone firmly.

I'm not CHOOSING to feel something. I AM feeling something. There is a difference.

Then, after that email, and I removed probably 1/2 of it…he sends me a text saying he is sad we aren't talking. Then a face.

I have not taken the bait and have not responded at all..and I will probably poof the email after a few hours. I don't want any identifying information out there…

You know, I've had this happen to me, when a guy I was chatting with pulled back before the first date and said he had met someone in real life and he was sorry. You know how I responded?? "Cool! I hope it works our for you. If it doesn't, you have my email address."

He replied how cool I was.

So, to admonish me? Nope. He did not handle this well at all.

Gut instinct for the WIN!

edited to add…I just went to block him on Match…and he is STILL clicking on my "hidden profile". Crap. I'm also changing my FB pic.

[This message edited by cmego at 10:55 AM, December 6th (Friday)]

Okay, there is nothing "passive" about that email - you followed your instincts and sounds like you were right. (Honestly, you are right either way - you have to do what works for you) But the email is definitely weird...

What a tool....

He EXPECTS your honesty? How grand of him.

He admonishes you? This guy really needs therapy. Or a lobotomy. Or a swift kick to the nads....

WOW!

Sir McFreakazoid sure doesn't take too kindly to be dumped.

BIG bullet dodged.

He could have admonished you?!

Oh my gosh. He's a freak.

Oh dear....

There was something about his phrasing that instantly reminded me of my x....

Bullet dodged.....

About three messages later would be the penis pics.

Ewwwww.

Faithfool, you called it pretty right!

So…I sent this guy an email and told him that I was sorry, I have changed my mind and I am not interested, and wished him well.

Good, I concur....would've done the same thing.