SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I have cried so much and for so long, I now have a dry cry, I am out of tears.

Just the crippling pain.

I've been crying on and off all week. The holidays are hard. We are bombarded with pictures in magazines, commercials on TV, Christmas movies or loving families on Christmas. We get triggered with FOO issues from our past. Now, our memories of Christmases with our WS are tainted because of the A. It's not only Christmas present, but Christmas past and future that seem to be forever changed.

It's normal to feel this way.

The only thing we can do is try to stay in the moment and enjoy the company of the loved ones we are with right now. It's difficult, because triggers are all over. Know you are loved by family and friends. Try to remember a GOOD Christmas memory or tradition and make new ones.

(((((Everyone)))))

Had a mostly numb and sleepless night. No tears yet, the sting and out of body feeling keep them at bay

I cry at some point everyday. Sometimes they are happy sometimes they are sad.

Not yet today but it's still early.

Hugs and prayers for everyone!!!

I still cry at the drop of a hat, seeing a photo, hearing a story, etc. But now it's not for my M, it's for my parents. I lost Dad last year to Alzheimer's. Mom's been gone for 13 years now, and I miss her more than ever each year. I miss my parents and I miss the life I had with them when I was younger.

Well last night ended up not too bad. Yes So many triggers yesterday and the days leading up. I was getting in a morning run and afterwards I do some stretches and an work on the bench. I think inlaid there for an hour crying. I texted fWH that I was upset and triggering. He tried to console. Then I realized I need to get started on the roast and pick up some things at the grocery store. I had cried the day before since I was shopping and triggered thinking how he showed the OW his iPad. How me talked to her Christmas Eve. But he picked up around the house tried to help me get ready for family coming over. Overall we had a good night.

Merry Christmas to all.

I still cry every day! Just not always outwardedly with tears. My heart will always cry now for this great loss and horrible betrayal.

I've felt that way. Please remember that while we were hurt (major understatement) by infidelity, it doesn't define us. It doesn't take away all of your wonderful qualities, that someone out there will fall in love with. I think one day you will be ready for a new relationship. Only you will know when the time is right. Until then, I'm sending you strength, hope, and wishes for a brighter 2014.

If there was a LOVE button, I would press it ten times.

I remember the first christmas after Dday and impending separation. EXWH had the boys, so I travelled to the states to visit my family there. After I went up to my room at my sister's house, the tears would not stop flowing. It was absolutely the worst pain I've ever experienced. I felt so utterly alone.

There with me, was God though.

Life is so much better now, I can't even begin to explain.

Yes, in the shower.

I have been crying off and on all day, along with DGD.

She is upset that I couldn't afford a better gifting experience for her.

I suck.

I cried on and off all day yesterday, my first Christmas Eve without seeing my kids.

I thought last night I would literally die of a broken heart.

Today a bit better, my 3 adult children came for brunch and surprised me with a new computer. I had an IPAD and really didn't like it. I sobbed like a baby after I opened it and now I am totally spent.

Wishing you all happier tomorrows. :0)

I've lost track of how many times I've cried today. I will be so glad to put the holidays behind me. I don't think I can bear many more commercials showing blissfully happy families, or running into all the cheerful people around town with their well-meaning questions and Christmas wishes. I hate feeling like this. I want my life back, but it's not going to happen, so I want to fast forward through this nightmare!

Well considering we just had this huge talk where I cried through most of it add me to the list. I found out new info, loving someone else is not an A and he could have been friends and been in love with OW because he would not have crossed any boundaries.

Me: you don't think loving someone else is crossing a boundary.

Him: no I could have had a platonic friendship with her while being in love with her.

Me: that's impossible you already loved her a boundary was already crossed.

Him: I disagree.

Me: why because you would have never gotten physical?

Him: yes I would not have crossed lines.

Me: but you already did how do you not see that?

Add tears throughout all of that and tears as I type this about my actions and we have the worst Christmas day ever. Sorry if I t/j'd just having a horrible day.

((((Everybody))))

I hope the tears have been cleansing and recuperative for you, and rejuvenating, they usually feel that way to me, quite calming eventually.

Yes, this morning.

Somehow, the family get together last night was not so bad...even somewhat fun. Although alcohol was involved and the kids and their cousins were very entertaining so, that helped tremendously!

And my WH was very, very good last night and today when I did break down and that meant a whole lot to me.

He understood my somewhat non-loving Christmas card and has been the best he can all day today.

Pretty much still the worst Christmas ever but, I've made it through quite well I think.

the oldest girl is coming over shortly and I'm looking forward to her and her boyfriends company. They both know of the A and have been super supportive of both of us in our R.

I hope everyone can find even a small piece of happiness or solace today and always!!

Merry Christmas and God help us all :)

Last night. Instead of going to my parents, I stayed home and cried. Talked to my mom on the phone, crying and dropping the 'f' bomb like it was my job. Usually very easy to not focus on XH, but not last night. My father suggested I drink a bottle of whiskey. Instead, cried some more & snuggled w/the critters.

Today is a different day, next year will be a different year. I can stay here & die here on the carcass of my dead XM, or I can keep walking away. All these tears wash out the bridge to the past & eventually there is no way back, as if it never existed in the first place.

(((Everyone)))

Yep...cried this morning. I have to do some wedding stuff for his nephew's fiancée on Friday, and I really don't want to. WH is an expert with his smart phone, and although I think it's over, I will never be 100% sure. So this morning I realized that I am still doing things that I don't want to do, just like I always did when he was having his A, and I got angry. I had to do all the work while SHE got the very best of him. Why didn't he man up and just leave me for her?? I could be spending Friday doing things I want to do. So I cried.

I hate this for all of us!!

I held it together all day. Now I'm sitting on the bathroom floor crying uncontrollably. First time going to his dads house since Dday. He slept with OW2 for first time on Christmas last year. OW1 was his tango dance partner when he went to Argentina last year. Hanging above his dads kitchen today was an Argentina tango wall hanging with a picture of a couple tango dancing. Big trigger, but I kept a smile on my face. Got in car to go home later, and I shared it with him. He said I'm sorry. I told him I needed more, that I needed what and why he's sorry. He said that he couldn't do that on the spot. I lost my shit. Started screaming at him. Crying. Now I feel like I've ruined our Christmas. Like he's probably thinking about how last year having sex with her was so much better than my drama. I hurt. I feel sad. I feel broken. Sometimes I wish I could just turn my heart off. Stop feeling anything. I love him, but I hate feeling like this. Like the day being ruined is my fault. Like I'm not good enough. Right now sitting in this bathroom, I'd do anything to just make the pain stop.

I did really good until now. Nothing bad happened, it's just the fact that WH is not doing what it takes to R. He puts in very little effort.

I doubted he would give me any gifts and I was right. Pre cheating he gave great gifts and I felt loved. It makes me cry to see a man who has been given the incredible gift of hope to save himself and our marriage and watch him basically throw it away. So sad.

I am quite sure I cried much less than last Christmas, so there is that.

I am tired of crying and too want to know when does this nightmare end?