SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I just need to figure out how to make that happen without ex going into a rage in my face...

Or what if you decide not to live with this fear anymore? What if you decide to be like Gandalf? Stand up for what's right and keep your fear in control? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V4UfAL9f74I

Let your fear mix with motherly anger and don't let this jackass arbitrarily yank your chain whenever he feels like it. No, he doesn't get to take your daughter away from you. No, he doesn't get to be alone with her. Call the State Department and put your daughter's name on a No Fly list (if one exists). Have YOUR relatives in your home when he shows up and be a united force. Let him know that he's not just f-ing with you, he's f-ing with your whole clan.

How old is your dd? I'm not trying to freak you out completely, however, white slavery is alive and well in many parts of the world. He is not interested in YOUR money, he may be looking at pimping her ... sounds like he may have already done so. Document as much as you can about the last time he took her. Mention the uncle and the state she was in when returned. That is abuse.

When they came back she didn't talk..had a fever..was no longer potty trained...had bites and bruises all over her. He just dropped her off at the door ...said she was sick, and left. I later found out he left her with relatives and she was passed from house to house while he went off with OW. I don't think he did that to her..but he left her with folks who did. Apparently she had been passed off to some creepy "uncle" ...

Excuse the fuck out of me? Seriously? This happened? No way in hell does she leave your sight ever again. Let him rage. Call the cops. Not fucking happening.

Umm, don't want to freak you out, but did you get a doctor to check that she's still a virgin?

You just cannot let this man have her.

Contact the State Dept and Customs and Immigration so that your DD doesn't leave the country without notification let them know there's a possibility that your X got her an illegal passport from another country.

When they came back she didn't talk..had a fever..was no longer potty trained...had bites and bruises all over her.

You said that she's had therapy. Has this been examined? Seriously and thoroughly examined? These are humongous waving red flags of abuse, specifically sexual abuse. I wouldn't be surprised if many of your DD's issues stem from that time. Who knows what horrible things could have happened to her.

If he must see her, please see her IC first and get it on record that the visits need to be supervised. I may be making monsters out of shadows but it's better to be overly cautious in a situation like this.

NatureGirl, thanks for the wee two by four. I am a lot more in control today and not fighting the PTSD as much. Would love to be able to be Gandalf for a day with a troop of dwarves and furry foot midgets..but my clan is lacking in size. I came back here to take care of mom.. She died within three months of my coming home. Dad passed two years later. I have an eighty yr old aunt here and my 8 yr old Dd ..and a cat.

If it comes to it I will just hire some off duty Marines from one of the nearby bases to be my house guests for the weekend he chooses to visit. They wouldn't have to do anything other than watch tv, eat home made baked goods and look menacing on cue. Would be more than enough to erase any inclination of violence or underhanded behavior Ex may have..hopefully.

I am going to answer the questions/statements about the incident where Dd was returned to me in poor condition.

I will never know what really happened, nor will I be able to take legal action against those that may have harmed her. This happened in a country that has little love for the USA .. Where up to recently was considered to be under control of a government that had some of the worst civil rights violations in the world.

I feel horrid that anything happened to her, but I believe the ex did not do that to her.. He just left her with family he barely knew and went off on vacation with ow. I will never know that for sure, either..doctors did see Dd when we came back .. Within days. After hearing my story and examining her they told me they wore "court mandated reporters " ... Weather they're a report I do not know what they did with the info.

I just shared that info so you would know some of where my fear comes from.

He gets her out of the USA, I am also well aware what may happen to her ... My goal by posting this thread is to ask for help and advice how to prevent that from happening, legally.

I am very.. Very glad to say I have an appointment with my lawyer on the 31st! This is the same one that did such a great job for me in the divorce. He put me in touch with the local battered women's shelter.. He told me not to worry he knew how to deal with that 'kind of guy ' and just worry about getting better and taking care of Dd... He was a life saver at one of the darkest points on my life. Thought he may have retired, but I was in luck :)

Thank you all for all the suggestions and advice.. It really does help more than you may ever know :)

Ugh sorry for the various typos .. I am still posting off

My phone ..

Vid card is fried on my PC and am in the RMA process.

Things happen in threes.. ex deciding he wants to visit ...vid card blowing up... And the icing?

I am waiting for a biopsy to come back .. Gyn should be calling me with results any time, now...

Ugh.. One step at at time

Holly-Isis, agree 100% . Dd has not seen her therapist for the last six months since everything was going so well for her. Now a days she is very happy and seemingly well adjusted.

I am worried about the impact this will have on her psychologically..

Will wait on state dept till after the lawyer .. But it is most definitely on the agenda.

Thank you

[This message edited by Selkie at 1:04 PM, January 21st, 2014 (Tuesday)]

Dreamboat, omg that is a brilliant idea about telling Dd what to say if he tries to take her on an airplane! Will only coach her if it comes to that point, though...Thank you..

I would add to this a WHISTLE to wear around her neck and a card giving YOUR address/phone/etc.

Oh crap...he does have copies of birth cert and ssn...I scanned them in last year for him he said he needed them for her health insurance ...since she is still on his plan.

I believe that the copies must be certified, so can't just be printed out from a scan (of course this might not be difficult to get on the black market).

And what Holly-Isis says: Contact the state department. Pull out all the stops with your lawyer and all relevant government officials.

This. Is. Your. Daughter's. LIFE. *NOTHING* is too over the top to protect her.

((((Selkie & DD))))

Ah Selkie. I just can't imagine having to go through all that ((hugs))

I'm so glad you got her seen within days of getting back. Have you got that documented somewhere? Have you told your lawyer? You could use that to limit or even exclude visitation.

BTW it doesn't matter if he did that to her or left her with someone who did. He didn't look after her as he should have and he didn't make sure she had the medical attention she needed. He allowed her abuse at the very least. You are right to protect her.

but my clan is lacking in size.

So, what i hear you saying is an SI get together at your house that weekend??? If there is any group of people that would guard the house, its us.

I can not even imagine the fear you have right now. I wish i had help or info, but all i can do is pray for you and your DD.

@Selkie,

I would not let him anywhere near you or your child. You need to get extremely aggressive about this.

He says he is going to take her for the weekend. SO F'ing what?

You have good grounds for legal supervised visitation. You have sole physical custody, he has not seen her for 5 years, she is at an age where just handing her off to a relative stranger (which is what he is whether he wants to admit it or not) is detrimental to her physical and emotional wellbeing. Add into that his abduction of both of you by trapping you in a foreign country and not allowing you to leave for six months and the incident where he left her to go on vacation and you have a really, really legally good reason to say "You may visit her in my presence here at the house but you may not take her anywhere. She doesn't know you anymore and it is not in her best interests. If you are not willing to see her in my home, you do not get to see her at all!"

Talk to your lawyer. BTW - In your shoes I would never allow my child to go with him. He's an almost guaranteed kidnap and flight risk.

I'd be willing to disappear on vacation with her during the duration of his US visit to prevent it as well.

I've lived in SE Asia, unfortunately, money in the right place will get things done, it is possible to copy pretty much anything well enough to pass inspection.

He may bring documents with him, fake passport, fake ID, fake Birth Cert.. proof would not necessarily be required to get them.

Money in the right hands, or knowing the right people will probably get him through any red tape on his return to CoO if he is stupid enough to take her. Even if he has a problem on his return, he'll be in his home country with her.

I'm not in the US, but would it be possible to let the right authorities know of your concerns and have him and his belongings checked thoroughly on arrival in the US?

If he was found to be carrying documents for another person it might not go too well for him.

Failing that, if your concern warrants it, be somewhere else when he's there, go away yourself, he doesn't have any documented visitation from what you've posted, so he has no rights to see her, right?

Hugs, stay safe.

[This message edited by hard_yards at 2:37 PM, January 21st (Tuesday)]

Also, what on earth is he thinking about?

He has been absent from her life for 5 years, no bond there, no concern for her.

She doesn't even know him, a phone call every 8 weeks just doesn't cut it.

I can't think anything but that this visit will be harmful for her, he's little more than a stranger.

And his motive? Why after all this time. I think you're right, there must be something else going on... hugs

You already have gotten great advice and ideas. Hang in there Momma.

Selkie:

Why is he so effing nervous....ugh

Why? Because he's up to something. But you already know that, and knowledge is power.

Forgive me if this has been addressed, but: why can't you just hide until he goes away?

Please contact the local women's shelter again for help with this. They should have local resources for keeping you and your daughter safe while he is sniffing around.

I would not under any circumstances even let him near your daughter. If he doesn't like it, he can file something with the court asking for visitation. Period.

I would seriously consider moving and making yourselves difficult to find.

I would not talk to him, be found and so on. hes been out of her life 5 yrs. I dont think any paperwork applies at this point. go on vacation somewhere. like tomorrow.

Selkie, when is he coming? you need to circle the wagons around your DD. your doctor is a mandated reporter, there should be a record with CPS about the previous incident. Talk to CPS NOW and get that record. Get the record from your doctor as well give both to your lawyer. Get a restraining order with your lawyer, and speak to the women's shelter NOW about helping you disappear if you need to. do not wait for your lawyer regarding restricting her travel or speaking to the women's shelter. Disappear if you have to.

Here are some links to the US passport office-

http://travel.state.gov/content/childabduction/english/contact-us.html

This link will take you where you can have your child's passport limited

http://travel.state.gov/content/childabduction/english.html

This is more general information about the issue and has information for lawyers and Judges to go by. Your Girl is at enormous risk. I hope you have time, but remember the courts are slow. Start the passport protection process NOW. If he gets her out of the country you may not get her back. I'm sorry he is doing this I live in fear of this and worse. Keeping you in our prayers and sending many many hugs.

I don't know how to quote from another post, but way back there you said you want your DD to have access to her dad.

I don't want to be rude...

But WHY would you want that? I haven't seen you share a single redeeming thing about this man in this entire thread.

He doesn't deserve her, and she definitely doesn't deserve him.