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She is wife #4! She has to compete everyday with 3 other ex-wives memories. You don't think that she wonders if she is being compared to all the others? How about wondering if he will cheat on her, if he will kick her to the curb just as easily as you.

As far as thinking killing yourself would ease your pain. Sure, but what about everyone you leave behind to have to live with what you have done. No one, and I mean no one is worth killing yourself over.

Think of the pain he inflicted on you while being married to you. Do you really wish that you were there again, really. She now lives that life. Facebook life of "pretending to the world how wonderful everything really is(not)".

Facebook is not reality. How has he moved on? He is still there, just a different person's life to ruin. No matter who he is with, what house he lives in, how much or how little money he has, he is a pathetic excuse for happiness.

Putting a photo and spewing "love you" on Facebook doesn't equal happiness. It's for show when you have stolen another person's spouse. They know people look at them and judge them. It's guilt and trying to prove to the world that "it was really meant to be"!

Like everyone else said, STOP looking. We all want to know that the Karma bus has run over them. However, their bus arrived, they are together and no matter how unhappy they are, the world will never be told and they will have to pretend to keep up the "soul-mate" lie.

Imagine telling people you are wife # 4. He is 38, FFS!!! I'm 38 and I only just got rid of the first one.

2nd wife - OK, it happens. 3rd wife - er, Houston, we have a problem. 4th wife - AYFKM?????

At 38!!!

Elizabeth Taylor was a hot mess and she only managed 8 in 79 years with 7 different men.

(((Cayc))).

You and I have exchanged PM's when you helped me with something and I know what a kind and sincere person you are.

I know you live outside if the US. I have lived in a foreign country also and it was difficult.

Is this compounding your loneliness and isolation? I know it helps me just to chat to my neighbors or get their help with something. And although I live in a rural area, I'm 30 minutes from two cities. Just a thought.

I'm not really supposed to be in NB but I saw you posted this and I had to offer ((((())))) as we struggle with the same self worth issues.

I know you'll logic it away as me not really knowing you, but I have to say I think you're a beautiful woman inside and out. I envy you that. I envy how much you've accomplished in your life despite the selfish idiot who has done his best to derail and damage you.

He's the damaged one or he, as others have pointed out, wouldn't be on wife four. What's posted on FB- we know it's a front. I don't know of anyone that is completely honest when they post for the world to see. Especially when they have it all open with no privacy settings. She knows damn well you might be looking at her FB. She's baiting you.

Why would someone who is happy feel the need to do that? You were M to him, you know the prize she won. Constantly cheating. Subtle and not so subtle abuse. Steroids IIRC and we've all heard about not only roid rage but what it does to a guy's nads.

Sometimes when we make mistakes we have to prove to others that we didn't. Mom did that when she left dad for OM. Got her tubes untied so she could have more kids (that she abused and neglected too). She cheated on him and left him too. Out of her five kids she has fully rejected me. You have been such an encourager in not letting me dwell in rejection from those I love. For me, you can see that their behavior doesn't define my worth.

Please, please see that for yourself. You're worth so much more than two broken people. It pains me to see you're feeling like this. Especially over two people who are so selfish, thoughtless and cruel. I wish I had the magic words. I don't. Just my shoulder and prayers for you to see the truth of who they are. I would consider myself blessed to count you as a friend.

I really appreciate the 2x4s, hugs and advice. Just knowing that I have friends who understand makes a big difference.

I wish I could say this was just a momentary glitch in the matrix, that I bounced back better than ever but ... no I've only stopped the downward spiral. I've righted myself somewhat. I feel better.

But in thinking over things, I think what I feel most now (or rather what underscores most of my meltdowns) is fear. I am so afraid. So full of uncertainty. So unsure I can cope. Disaster seems to lurk around every corner. No one can be trusted etc etc etc.

xWH, the *only* good thing I can say about him is that with him the fear abated. I didn't worry about the future, my future.

But now I feel in free fall. Completely unable to survive.

I also feel stuck. That all I have is this job that pays for everything, that if I actually had to provide for myself I'd wind up homeless.

I have no idea what any of this means. Just that it's exhausting. And depressing. Maybe life isn't supposed to be rainbow skittle shitting unicorns and fairies granting wishes, but surely it's also not supposed to be this constant dirge of fear that no effort drowns out. Because the latter is what it is for me right now.

[This message edited by cayc at 7:16 AM, February 23rd, 2014 (Sunday)]

I also feel stuck. That all I have is this job that pays for everything, that if I actually had to provide for myself I'd wind up homeless.

Um, I'm pretty darn familiar with your skillset and resume, and my friend, you would not wind up homeless. You'd get a job quick as a wink in any of a handful of cities you wanted to choose from.

No more speaking lies about yourself. I won't stand for it.

Oh, and ETA... the job's not all you have. You have a strong network of friends who love you deeply, an adorable little Dude to whom you are the world, more discipline and dedication with that crossfit nonsense (says the squishy girl ) than anyone I've met who isn't a professional athlete, an empathetic and caring heart, an enormous intellect and sharp wit, and a family who deep down love you even if they don't understand how to show it. You've got a lot.

[This message edited by Amazonia at 7:59 AM, February 23rd (Sunday)]

Just curious, have you seen a doctor to see if maybe ADs would help? Sounds like you could use something to help you get to a less dark place. There is no shame in that.

Jesus fucking christ, if you wonder why I can't get over this shit, I'm sitting here listening to my colleague who sits right next to me call my xWH on the phone and be pleasant to him. FUCK.

Everybody is happy on FB. In reality? Not so much

^^^^^^^^^^^ this from TG is spot on

I'm now 47 and I feel that same fear. It is easing a bit but for a while it consumed me. And what sucks is I used to be a competent, secure woman. I don't know if this applies to you but I learned that the overwhelming fear can be a symptom of menopause. I have been in menopause for several years and should be coming to an end any time now. Thought I'd throw that out as one possible explanation.

Just the fact that she is wife #4, I mean SHIT! Who the hell gets married 4 times????????

You think they are all happy and wonderful over there in fantasyland? They aren't.

Jesus fucking christ, if you wonder why I can't get over this shit, I'm sitting here listening to my colleague who sits right next to me call my xWH on the phone and be pleasant to him. FUCK.

Why is your colleague calling your xwh?

Why is your colleague calling your xwh?

Because we all work for the same agency, and I'm currently serving in a 6 month LEO rotation that means the work I do is the same he does, just in different locations. It's fucking awesome let me tell you to listen to my colleague specifically ASK to speak to xWH. Ugh.

I really hope that the whole married 4x by 40 is proof of an impending mushroom cloud of karma. And I know I'm not supposed to care, but my life was practically ruined by this guy so I can't help it. Just to see that he has slotted her into my role, using the same language he did with me ...

[This message edited by cayc at 3:56 PM, February 24th, 2014 (Monday)]

Just to see that he has slotted her into my role, using the same language he did with me ..

That's because this is about HIM, right? Nothing about you. He's the same person he was when he was married to you. And to #2. And to #3. And now to #4.

Don't worry, it's probably all sunshine and roses at first for every woman he chooses to propose to. YOU found out what kind of man he really is. So did #2. So did #3. Just wait. Eventually #4 will find out as well.

Don't feel jealous of any of these women or pine for a man you think is giving the best parts of himself to THEM and not you. He is who he is, therefore the shiny romantic stuff is going to wear off.

Meanwhile, move on with YOUR life and know that he's using that same language (of false promises, loving actions, whatever)because that is what HE does..... and it's likely not going to last.

2nd wife - OK, it happens. 3rd wife - er, Houston, we have a problem. 4th wife - AYFKM?????

At 38!!!

^ This! I mean, seriously? AYFKM?? 4 times? FOUR!

His game has NOT changed. He's only changed the players. The outcome is always the same. People don't change really, and those that do have to have some major soul searching, and he obviously doesn't strike me as the type to ever think anything is wrong with him, it's everyone else, right?