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I just thought it wasn't PC to use certain words for people with learning disabilities.

It probably is. Did I mention I live in a back woods, backwards, southern town. It can be kinda scary 'round here sometimes. The tooth to tattoo ratio is pretty even.

Oh crap! Was that un-PC?

tooth to tattoo ratio

Up here it's the tooth to pickup truck ratio

tooth to tattoo ratio

That's high class there. We've got a few towns where they don't even have a tooth.

What do they put in those hemp smoothies?

I used to know, but after the smoothie, I don't care!

My flat forehead moment of today:

I ordered some vinyl flooring yesterday so I could pick it up today. While talking to the woman on the phone she said the flooring I have bought in the past is $6.99. I asked her if she could have a 20x12 roll ready for me for pick up today. “No problem.” Last night at work I started to try to figure out how much the roll would cost me due to budgetary constraints(contrary to popular belief, not all of us landlord types are rollin’ phat. ) 20x12 is 240 square feet multiplied by 6.99 comes out to $1677.6. “Crudsicles” said I, “gunna have to scrimp somewhere to make it through the month.”

Today, I had my lil’ sister with me when I went to pick up the vinyl. The nice lady I talked to yesterday was there today(with no wedding ring on btw) and told be the bill was $202 and some change. With my lil’sister standing there I explained to the nice lady (without even a ring tan line) that SHE had made a mistake in the bill, I had it figured out to be over $1600 before taxes. The nice lady(who is the original owner’s daughter and signs her name exactly matching the original owner’s last name) explained to me that I could give her an extra $1400 if I needed to get rid of too much money in my wallet but that the price for a 20x12 roll was $202 and some change. I wrote a check for the price she gave me(missing the sign that said they no longer take checks because I was too busy trying to surreptitiously checking out her ring finger ) and loaded up the vinyl. My lil’ sister(who is as honery as I am about losing an argument) whipped out her handy dandy smart phone and did the calculations at least 12 different ways to try to figure out where the nice lady(who I now believe is not married and might, possibly have any interest in a dude who flunked math and drags his lil’ sister into a losing argument) made a mistake. I was so distraught thinking about the fact that I shorted the company(that is partially owned by a nice lady with no wedding ring) that I dropped my lil’ sister off to meet her husband for lunch and drove back to the floor store. I meekly asked for the nice lady(with no tan lines) and was told she was out to lunch. I explained to the gentleman helping me that I was afraid the nice lady(who still uses her given last name) undercharged me by quite a bit and I need to keep my conscious clean. The gentleman looked at the receipt and explained to me that the price I paid was the correct price. I countered with 240 square feet at $6.99 came to over $1600. He quietly pointed out that the vinyl was $6.99 a square yard.

I hope the nice lady doesn’t snort any beverages through her nose when she is told….the…rest…of…the…story.

Oh Jpapa.. that kind of makes you the opposite of stupid. It makes you honest and kind.

Units matter. So do tan lines, apparently.

A came home to a bird in my house. Right after I went for a walk with DD and found a stray kitten that I didn't keep.

The bird was in the den and armed with my bike helmet, ski mask and a broom I walked in there all brave and stuff and opened the window. It was 70% humidity and 90 degrees yesterday here. shut the door, hoped for the best and had hubby see if that worked when he got home - 8 hours later. No bird in sight and the house was a hot mess.

It probably is. Did I mention I live in a back woods, backwards, southern town. It can be kinda scary 'round here sometimes. The tooth to tattoo ratio is pretty even.

How about the first cousin-to-spouse ratio??

The bird was in the den and armed with my bike helmet, ski mask and a broom

How big was this bird??? and I think he was up to no good....

bird - small

me - wimpy

sorry rachel. When I read your sentence late last night, I read it that the bird was wearing the helmet and ski mask and carrying a broom. It tickled my funny bone. I guess I am the only one who "sees" it that way.

t/j - Association for Retarded Citizens is the official name of that organization. It is a national not-for-profit. It is a similar situation as the NAACP - National Association for Colored People. At the time of the inception of the organizations, the verbiage was acceptable. The official names remain.

A few weeks back, I was having one of those Yoplait go-gurt things. I pushed the yogurt up too fast. Yogurt shot out of the damn tube and flew everywhere. My hair, my face, my clothes, the couch, over the side of the couch and onto the floor. DD laughed her butt off at me.

Left my Starbucks on top of the car today. Frappuccino all down the back windshield. Husband seriously unimpressed, kids thought it was the funniest thing EVER.

Started to prepare for a drivng trip to Canada. Went to the 'safe place' to get my passport and it's not there! I always take such good care of it and it's POOFED *** GONE. Then I remembered my sister had asked to see it about two months ago and I got it out of the 'safe place' to show it to her ... and do NOT know what I did with it after that! Stupid! Stupid! I know it's in this house -- somewhere but I can't find it. So I applied for a passport CARD since I'll be driving over the border ... so here I sit, waiting on the passport card to arrive 5 weeks after applying.

And STILL searching for that passport.

I recently got up, showered, got ready and went off to work. Got to the subway but it was not running. I thought perhaps there had been a bomb scare or something, so I asked a passerby if she knew why the subway was closed.

She replied, "Well, it's only 8 o'clock."

I guess I had a "so?????" look on my face because she followed that up with, "It's Sunday?"

Yep, I'd gone to work on my day off.

Old age? Love of my job?

Hey you weren't going to be late.