SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hopeful77, that's one of the things that does puzzle me about H's AP. She has read many of the books I have and still doesn't get it. She still clings to the promises FWH made to her and is devastated that he dropped her flat when I found out about them. Like you said, if he hadn't left me by then, what made her think he ever would?

Also, in her case, she has an H who loves her and is trying to R. I wish she would give him the respect he deserves and forget about my H. If she were truly "alone", I would get it. But she isn't. If I were her H, my heart would be breaking, watching her pine for my H like she's doing...

I have read that most men who have an A, have no intentions of ever leaving their wives. (Men affair down anyway), but most women having A's do so planning to leave their husbands! My H AP was still trying to get him to resume the A after it had been over for 10 years! (Yeah, unfortunately the bitch was still around...see my profile story for more details).

These OW seem to think if they offer our H's a F*&#@ in any form, they'll just jump at it!!!??? Okay....whatever.....

I'm sorry you are going through this. His employer needs to block email coming from her IP addy and/or her email address. Get an attorney to draw up a cease and desist letter and have her served. It's time for her to scram.

On a side note, I hope so badly that your DS is getting help for his abusive behavior towards his GF. It's not okay and it's time for him to break the cycle.

Trying2LoveAgain, I did read your profile. My goodness. I'm sorry for all you have been through. Plus, OW was apiece of work - still is it seems.

What your OW and mine have in common is that they were both married and still pursued their AP, who ended it with them and went back to their wives.

I have concluded that people like that must be pretty empty inside - hollow - to have such utter disregard for other people's feelings.

If a WS chooses - with no one putting a gun to their head - to go back to their spouse - that should speak volumes. Especially if they maintain NC. That is essentially saying, "Not only is it over, but there is nothing - nothing more I have to say to you." But they still harass and pursue and try to tear families apart. They imagine it was true love, and that they now have lost their soul mate. But at best, what they had was an escape - a secret life, a fantasy world they could escape to. And I admit that fantasies can be pretty exciting. But I wonder if they'd really be happy with our spouses if they had them 24/7. If, instead of getting them ONLY when they are hot and horny, they see them when they come home from work grumpy after a long day, or they have to deal with them when they are sick. Or how they think they could juggle a family or a full-time job day-in-and-day- out and still give them and receive from them all the attention and passion they experienced during the A.

OW admits there was nothing more than sex and talk of sex during their LTA. Is that enough to build a life or a real relationship on? I don't think so. But maybe I'm the clueless one? Just wondering here...

Determinata, thanks for thinking about my son. I worry about him every day.

Needsfriends

The AP divorced her H early on in the A...he had a MOMENT of panic.....the REAL panic set in when I found his phone and saw a few emails.....

she really thought they had a future...a future based on lies???

My future is not based on lies.....what does that make MY future???

My future is based on faith and forgiveness

AND acceptance ....

Hopeful77, it makes your future one based on reality with a foundation that is solid.

My H's OW banished her H to another state (she's rich and could do that) but did not divorce him. I think she was waiting for my H to leave me first. Which makes me crazy when I think of it. What in the heck kind of marriage do they have? If your S banished you to another state to carry on an A, wouldn't YOU file for D?

These relationships which are based on lies and deceit are also full of so much darkness and unsettling details - I hate with all my being that our marriage has been plunged into this 7th layer of hell.

Faith, forgiveness, and acceptance, as well as the firm belief in the seriousness of vows and promises made before God and witnesses, is what my M is based on and is why I am here.

Hope you are having a good one!