Baseball,
Tomanyregrets is right, if she balks at no contact, you have a real problem.
That said, I think many of us on here have a tendency to go overboard based on our own feelings and experiences. Not to say they are all wrong, but maybe a little harsh when we are so removed from your situation and dont really know all of the dynamics.
What you need to do is slow down, and take a breath. Youve got to let the emotions settle a little before you can map out where you are, and where your going. Your lost in the woods, so STOP and take a moment.
Firstly, whats happened has happened, and its water under the bridge. you cant change the past, and you more than likely had nothing to do with it.
Next, figure out what you want. Do you want to reconcile? What do you consider a deal breaker? How much detail do you want to know?
OK, now the truth, and you have to acknowledge it, your wife has been deceptive. She is a liar, and has been living two lives. You have to realize that, and also realize that she is not suddenly going to turn into Mother Theresa, if ever. She did it to save her fantasy world, and not to protect you. She will use that line about protecting you, so don't believe it.
From here on out, know that she has to earn her trust back. Every single thing, you must verify before you trust.
Foremost, "Trust Your Gut", and little else.
Start the 180, nuff said.
Do you want to know more? Ask her in a non threatening way. Make her feel safe, and despite what you hear, don't blow up. That's a tough one.
Insist an 100% transparency, no hidden passwords or email accounts. No secret texting app's.
Log on to you cell bills online, and check the call and date logs. Note the numbers and times.
Learn about her cell phone, and find out if you can read the sim card or deleted messages.
If her phone has a tracking app, use it.
Install a VAR in the car, or bathroom, or anywhere she uses the phone.
Consider a logger like eblaster, on the computer and phone.
Look at you bank accounts and transfers for irregularities.
One thing not mentioned here, is look in her underwear drawers. Women would never suspect we would look there for cards and letters.
Look in her purse for notes, numbers and cards.
I. like many of the others, insist on a No Contact letter. She writes it to your satisfaction, and you verify it is delivered.
Sit back and watch with your mind and gut. I mean really watch. Notice the way she reacts, and see if you FEEL the remorse. No regret, but REAL REMORSE. you should feel it in your soul.
After doing these things, along with some others, your gut will tell you if there is something more. If that happens, and I hope it doesnt, then come back for more support.
And remember, Don't make her a priority in your life, when your nothing more than an option in hers.
Fire
