SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

She is going to a marriage counselor individually. I would think that is a positive?

Are you certain she is really going.

Is it positive, hard to say. When you say she is going to a MC, does that mean you and her are going.

If just her, there is a damn good chance she is rewriting history and lying. She could be manipulating this MC into saying what she wants to hear.

I dont think it is great she is seeing a MC alone.

There is not one word from your wife you can believe at this time.

Can you talk to the MC and find out what your wife is saying. You are involved in a very serious situation, and you need to take it seriously.

If your wife is lying to this MC, you need to know. You need to know the entire truth, and that means full access to everything.

I do know the other guy a little. I know he is in his mid 30's and never married. My wife did go to counseling yesterday. We talked about it last night. I guess a lot of it was stuff from our marriage earlier that bothered her. She is going again next week and right away the following week. This counselor did come highly recommend.

[This message edited by Baseball24 at 2:56 PM, April 24th (Friday)]

Right now you are behind the curve. Your WW is about five miles up the road ahead of you, outmaneuvering you at every turn.

When she gets home you tell her she has one chance to save the marriage: She calls him tonight or writes him an e-mail telling him to no longer contact her. If she refuses, you have her move to another bedroom and tell her the marriage is suspended and that you will be seeing a lawyer within the week.

You have to play hardball my friend or you will lose her and your family. Waywards don't respond to niceness. You have to knock her out of her fog, and you do that by showing her a divorce petition and keeping your word.

Baseball24,

You have gotten a lot of great advice, but I will say it once again. NO CONTACT, a marriage cannot recover if the AP is still involved regardless of if it is a EA or PA. It needs to stop.

You might even consider buying you and your wife a copy of Not Just Friends by Shirley Glass, insist she read it.

I invite you to read my profile, and you can see that when the EA is not delt with appropriately the next stop is a PA which can be even more challenging to save the marriage after.

Best of luck, this is not a pick me dance. She chose you when you said your marriage vows. Be strong! We are here for you!

We talked about it last night. I guess a lot of it was stuff from our marriage earlier that bothered her.

Her therapist could be enabling your wife's lying and rationalizing.

Get into a MC where you can be there also and defend yourself for God sakes.

Your marriage had nothing to do with her having an affair with some other guy. And it certainly should not enable her to continue lying to you today.

Take control!

Talk to the therapist, stop taking your wife's word about everything, or you will be sorry. Believe me, stop believing what your wife is telling you, without at least confirming everything.

I guess a lot of it was stuff from our marriage earlier that bothered her.

ALL ABORD THE BLAMESHIFTING EXPRESS>>>>TOOT TOOT...

RUBBISH.

The IC should have started with, what can I help you with.

Your WW: I am cheating on my husband and I am not sure what I want.

not ^^^^ what you said they talked about.

Baseball

I have to say I am totally amazed . After all the responses you have received from people trying to help you and you have basically totally ignored it all. Your only response is to tell us she has a good therapist. It's obvious YOU are still in a deep for I am sorry to say and am really really feel sorry for what is going to be the result here.

So this may sound harsh , and I apologize for that , but YOUR WIFE is fucking another man and has been for probably a while. A single man who may actually be trying to take your family from you , and it has been going on for six months while you have allowed yourself to get an "A"'for baby sitting for her .

And to make it even worse , she is really not even trying to really hide it from you.

Now, you came on this forum and I think most of us thought you were trying to figure out what to do . If letting her continue what she is doing now is acceptable to you, there is no advice

Anyone can give you here that will help you. Only you can do that.

Most of us have had to deal with a WS that was trying to hide what she we doing . It is absolutely astonishing to at least me that your wife is looking you in the eye , telling you she refuses to stop seeing him, and your only response is to be happy she has a good therapist.

You are going to be very sorry you are not listening and Truly hope you can snap out of it soon

For heaven's sake Baseball, listen to what nononsense is saying. You've let the affair go on for 6 months and haven't realized you're plan B.

BTW - How can you be sure that her councilor isn't discussing her affair with her and trying to help her choose between the two of you.

Baseball. Under the members names that post a comment is an icon. That icon indicates whether the member is female or male. Most threads are filled with empathetic betrayed wives offering support to both men and women. Your thread has 6 comments from women, over 40 from men. This doesn't happen often! There is something about your story that is SCREAMING out to all of these men.

All these men are posting for a reason. I, like them, have lived what you are going through. A lot of men become DESPERATE to save their marriage when they find out their wife is having an affair. I hate to speak for others but these guys are all posting because your story is familiar to us all! I wish I would have found this site 2 years ago when I first discovered my wife's affair. IT WOULD HAVE SAVED ME FROM THE MOST HORRIFIC 2 YEARS OF MY LIFE!!

Unlike you I didn't have this site as guide on how to proceed. I didn't have a support network in real life. I didn't really have any guidance on what to do!

You cannot trust your wife! Not one word! She is playing you for a fool. She has been and is fucking another man!

Marriage counseling and individual counseling is not going to fix your marriage. It doesn't work like that. I'd be willing to bet your marriage counselor has told your wife she needs individual counseling because most therapists WILL NOT PROVIDE MARRIAGE COUNSELING WHEN THEY KNOW AN AFFAIR IS ONGOING! I would actually bet everything I have on that, however I have nothing left after I ALLOWED MY WIFE TO FOLLOW A SIMILAR PATH AS YOU ARE DOING. It's a pattern. This shit happens everyday, over and over again as betrayed men everywhere try to fix their marriages while their wayward wives CONTINUE TO FUCK ANOTHER MAN!

Your wife doesn't give a shit about you, about your family. Do not believe the lies she is feeding you. All she really cares about right now is fucking this other guy while you take care of the house and raise your kids. This other guy is not going to go away. He doesn't give a fuck, you take care of all of your wives needs, while he gets to fuck her, FOR FREE!

Your wife will do this for as long as you allow her to. You can't control her actions. Only yours. Take charge of your life, do it for yourself, do it for your kids!

Ask yourself this question - are you willing to do anything to save your marriage? If the answer is yes, ask yourself this, are you willing to allow another man to continue to fuck your wife in that marriage? If the answer is no....well I'm sorry to say bud but, that is exactly what you are doing right now!

If you'd like to hear my story and how I unknowingly allowed my soon to be ex wife to fuck with my head for 2 years. I will gladly share it with you. All you have to do is ask.

I am sorry for being blunt. I'm sorry for what you are going through. Sadly, I've read all the comments so far and it seems the message isn't getting across to you. So we will try every angle we have to until you realize what is really going on and how you should proceed!

I do hope a member by the name Bigger comes by. If he does please really think about what he is saying!

[This message edited by LonelyLucas at 12:10 AM, April 25th (Saturday)]

Baseball, we all get what is happening to you. Each and every one of us has listened to your story and posted something that we think might help you. We care about you and your family, in large part because we have been right where you are sitting now.

If you do nothing else, get yourself some counseling. Find someone with experience in infidelity. Call them up and ask right over the phone. Please please do this for yourself and your children. You would call a doctor if you were having a heart attack, right? This is exactly like that. Your kids need a healthy dad.

Baseball,

Stop trying to analyze, support, and understand so much. It is time to act.

This is your WIFE admitting she is interested in another man. That is not a part of marriage. She is the mother of your two children, for crying out loud. If she is so muddle-headed that she can't grasp how this behavior is wrong, you're going to have to illustrate the situation for her.

As in, confront the OM, tell him to bugger off. What kind of man dallies around with married women? A shitty, immoral one. A man that's looking for a black eye.

Tell her family she is acting outside the best interests of her children, your marriage and family.

Baseball,

Either accept that you are in an open marriage or move on.

My wife lied her rather large ass off throughout the entire process of MC and had us all fooled. Your wife is telling you to your face that she is going to continue to suck and fuck another guy and there is nothing that you can do about it.

If you get off on that then stay. If you cannot stand the thought of that then get moving now. Kick her ass out to the curb and tell her to hit the road.

Well I guess he got what he came for.

Shellgame and Jcanada are correct, OP.

In fact Beerparty is too. You haven't been back in a few days, hope all is well and you report back that you decided to take actions to defend yourself

Looks like you are right Beer Party . Unfortunately, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.

Baseball might be back but it will I am sorry to say it will be when what is really going on becomes clear to him and his wife starts to openly date her boyfriend .

We all know what is going on here . It's a shame . All we can do is hope we are wrong. But I doubt it

Ok I am on board. Will let everyone know how it goes.

Great to see you back baseball! I was really worried we scared you away!

Please keep posting. We're here for you brother!

Baseball

Ok man. You are back. But so far you still have a wife in an affair with another man and you are the baby sitter .

Now that you are back I hope that means you are starting to realize that some of what you are doing is not helping your situation and that you are ready to take some steps to end her cake eating

Hi Baseball

Check the post from MrHealed on this thread. It really spoke to me.

http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=555735&AP=1&HL=

"Just Let Them Go The end result? The end result is to respect yourself in the end, let go of the people that don't value you or respect you."