SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Naïve might be a strong word, but I mean it purely as a descriptive adjective and not as an insult. Of course, in an ideal world marriage would only be about love....and puppies and kittens would dance around and skittles would come out of a unicorn's ass.

But in that ideal world the whole thing would be moot because the cheating wouldn't happen in the first place.

I agree that honesty about reasons should be the best policy in reconciliation discussions.

I agree that honesty about reasons should be the best policy in reconciliation discussions.

I have been completely honest with my wife about my reasons for wanting to reconcile, and money isn't one of the reasons. We both know and acknowledge we'd suffer financially if we were to split, but we both would be okay, and I'd make sure she'd be okay. I'm taking care of her right now, so she doesn't have to worry about money.

@Taledo - Trust has to be earned. When my husband and I were separated for 3 months and we decided to reconcile, it was difficult for me. Financial reason played a part because my husband was already paying child support for his child from a previous marriage. If we would of divorced he would be paying child support for our child together as well. So what she is feeling or thinking was on my mind as well. We can decide to forgive but trust is earned with time. Please know someone out here is praying for your wife and your marriage.

Taledo, just wanted to say I think you are doing a fine job, you are doing and saying the right things. Just be patient. Sometimes it takes awhile for the message to sink in. Stay on message, keep re-iterating, and be prepared to be patient.

For some reason this marriage has caught my attention today and I've read back stories and see I e even posted -lol-

But I'm wondering Taledo - what have you done to find your why of the A?

If felt good - the 29 year old was cute blah blah -- what keeps that from happening again for you? Six weeks of IC does not a safe partner make.....

I get your separated and the trauma of what you're dealing w day to day is a game changer - believe me when I say I understand you don't want it to/it won't happen again - but since wife isn't responding to you necessarily - she needs more.

Did you write her the letter of affirmation?

Did you take th cooking class?

Liven it up for her - you have 30ish years of marriage hum drum on top of infidelity - make her want you again. Or at least try it out and let us know how it goes.

I completely agree with the OP's wife.

I don't want anyone staying with me or being 'loyal' to me due to a fear of losing most of their assets in a Post-Nup. I don't blame her at ALL for feeling that's unacceptable.

And OP, I have to be honest and say I don't believe that finances played NO ROLE WHATSOEVER in your desire to reconcile. As another poster said, it's a bit naive to think that married people stay together solely for love and for no other reason.

JMHO, of course.

Finances play less of a role when there isn't financial pressure.

OP was honest about that. He's taking care of his W.

Am a bs. For a long time after dday, part of me wondered if my husband only wanted R out of guilt or for custody reasons.

There was no particular reason for me to wonder. Just that after the devastating blow of dday, I wasn't really into any kind of romantic buy in, still wasn't sure who this man was, was wrestling with the false beliefs and realities of the A, and really wasn't ready to let my guard down completely on any front.

What helped were consistent actions and choices, long term, that continuously demonstrated he wanted to be with me.

This post is two months old.

We haven't discussed this in over a month. My reasons for wanting to be with her are still the same. I love her and working every day toward moving back in and reconciling. We had made great strides and progress in the last few months, so there is hope.

didn't realize the thread was old

[This message edited by Iwantmyglasses at 10:21 AM, April 29th (Saturday)]