SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

She is controlling this to make it go her way or to what she wants, and I don't understand if this is normal for a counselor.

It is not normal. It is not ethical. You may not be able to influence someone else's choice of IC but you do not have to accept that person in the MC role.

There's nothing special about counselors as compared to physicians, clergy, or auto mechanics. Not all of them are good. Some of them are terrible. You usually don't just go with the first one you come across. If you find a bad one and don't make a change, you (or your car, depending) will regret it.

A counselor is not someone you should have to figure out. They should not be causing you stress. If the one you tried isn't helping then find another. Don't waste time trying to figure anything about them or their motives.

My WH IC won't see us for MC. I love his IC even though I've never met him and he still won't see us for MC.

He is able to explain basically everything on this site, everything I need from WH, everything WH needs to do and I'm not even there. He's told WH that he has immature thought processes and on and on. I can't say enough about what WH IC has done for me and I have never gone. IC needs WH to feel that he's on WH side even though he's on my side and if he becomes our MC he can't really do that anymore.

Keep looking! I hope you are able to find a better IC and MC!!

In my country, it is considered a breach of ethics for someone to be both IC and MC in the same couple. It would be extremely difficult, if not completely impossible, to find anyone who would do it. For good reason.

I don't think I need to post anything....the answer is clear from everyone here....

First find out if they are a member of the American Psychological Assoc. APA, which most are and then file a complaint.

This is a breach of ethics clear as day.

Find a reputable marriage counselor. My wife and I have been seeing a counselor specializing in Emotional Focused Therapy and good heavens it has brought out stuff we didn't even know was inside us that relates back to our childhoods...really bizarre how we behave is based on early early things that we don't even think about.

I'm sorry you are here, but a lot of great people and advice on here....best of wishes for you.

MusicandWine Members of the APA have doctorates in pyschology and the vast majority of therapists we go to for counseling dont have those qualifications. If they do individual psychotherapy they are very expensive and often not specifically trained in sexual betrayal trauma.

There is a wide spectrum in the USA of those who are considered "counselors" and most do not have Phds in psychology.

Many have "counselors" Masters Degrees. Some therapists are psychiatrists and they are MD and members of the AMA.

As far as counseling goes, "ethics" issues unless falling under some general legal violation, are probably best handled by quitting any counselor that we don't feel is helping.

If she's a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, the NASW or its local chapter is interested in monitoring and sanctioning its members.