SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Never allow anyone the "privacy" to stab you in the back.

You did the right thing.

You were searching for the truth.

I checked and used every resource I could to find evidence I would need.

The trove of evidence I have was leverage I was able to use in preventing my XW from likely moving her and our children into her adultery partners home after I filed for divorce and refused reconciliation.

You do what you need to do in order to protect yourself and your children.

She reverts to the "invasion of privacy" bit for one reason only - she's angry because she got caught and exposed for the lying, deceitful backstabber that she is.

It has all been said but I just want to agree, fully.

I went through so much guilt and sickness over checking up on him when he said there was nothing going on. But I kept catching him in a lie.

You cannot let someone else define for you what is real and what isn't. I was killing myself trying to fix all the problems HE had with our marriage. And he was just carrying on, indulging in anything and everything that he could to make himself believe that he was being treated unfairly. That he was not the problem.

You asked. She lied. She was wrong, end of story. If it had turned out to be nothing you would have apologized for invading her privacy, but it wasn't, so why should you?

If she needs to be proven a liar in order to come clean, that's just more wayward thinking that got you into this mess in the first place. I wouldn't even indulge those conversations. Just tell her she is free to decide whether your marriage or her secret life is more important to her and leave it at that.

It is the height of cruelty to pretend that someone is acting crazy when they are right and you're lying to them. Until she understands this, your progress in reconciliation will be stalled.

In our vows, I remember "forsaking all others, be faithful only to him, for as long as you both shall live". I never remember agreeing to privacy or lying or to secret relationships with other men.

Don't tolerate this moral equivalency crap. That is what it is, crap. Don't feel bad about being forced to find the truth when your spouse was not truthful. It is all on her.

My WH absolutely refuses to admit to an affair. I know he is having one based on the GPS tracker in the vehicle (he’ll say he’s at his parents house when he’s not, etc). Before I file for D, I want to make sure. I have a PI doing an investigation as we speak. It will make me feel better knowing 100% that an affair is happening before I file. I don’t feel bad about hiring a PI because I gave my WH chances to come clean and he hasn’t.

[This message edited by HopeToHeal811 at 4:30 PM, November 13th (Monday)]

Yeah!

And burglars and bank robbers hate surveillance cameras!

Yeah!

And burglars and bank robbers hate surveillance cameras!

Yeah!

And burglars and bank robbers hate surveillance cameras!

The only thing wrong here is her for cheating and secondly being upset at you over her privacy that she chose to abuse.

The only thing that would be wrong to me is that you take that crap honestly.

My ex (yeah, ex) was FURIOUS that I had collected so much dirt on him! He declared that he didn't trust me and that my actions were as equally bad as his. I laughed at him!

He was being sexually, emotionally, and financially unfaithful. He potentially risked my health and/or life because he wasn't using condoms. I was able to document his misuse of marital funds and that later benefited me in the divorce settlement. I was able to figure out that he forged my name in order to cash out his retirement fund and I used that as leverage to get a better settlement in a no-fault state.

So, what you did was absolutely right and NECESSARY!!

You had reason to look.

Not looking wouldn't have changed the reality of what she was doing. You just wouldn't have known. In this world of STDs, you were protecting yourself.

You were well within your rights.

If you didn't do anything illegal, you're all good.

You may still feel low for doing it, but in the big scheme of everything you're going through, try not to let that phase you. You did nothing wrong by confirming the truth.