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cactusflower ( member #57437) posted at 12:34 PM on Wednesday, January 10th, 2018
I've heard Esther Perel speak plenty of times. I think she makes a lot of sense. I disagree that she "coddles" the cheater. Plenty of times she explains what the infidelity has done to the betrayed and how crushed they are.
Whether we like it or not - she does explain how infidelity can happen. She's just being realistic. As to the top ways we can recover from infidelity, the 3 things initially listed by the OP are dead on.
northeasternarea ( member #43214) posted at 2:06 PM on Wednesday, January 10th, 2018
I would put myself in the Rebuilder category.
The only person you can change is yourself.
deephurt ( member #48243) posted at 9:34 PM on Wednesday, January 10th, 2018
ugh Ester Perel is a quack IMHO.
I agree with what you said though. You need to let go of the "fix it" mode and just live. Let it be. You can't control the outcome. Just live and let him live. He will either live up to your expectations or he won't and you decide what you want to do after that.
I will say that while you are both letting go of the outcome, you need to talk to each other. Communicate your feelings, good and bad.
My advise would also be to stop listening to Ester Perel.
me-BW
him-WH
so far successfully in R
W3IRZ ( member #48882) posted at 11:53 AM on Thursday, January 11th, 2018
I don’t know ester pearl, but I think if you were trying to make 3 categories these would be accurate. I feel we go back in forth between rebuilders and explorers and I’m perfectly happy with that.
BS - me 42 on DD
FWH - him 44 on DD
Married 21 years on DD
DDAY- 6/30/2015
8/29/2016 update - Reconcilled and completely happy
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