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rambler ( member #43747) posted at 8:36 PM on Saturday, March 9th, 2019
I realize that you are not an old shirt but you did not treat her like an old shirt either.
The decision tat move on is more about the pain caused and not wether there is joy.
IRL too often the BS is blamed if they end the marriage. People will say it was only a mistake. Think of the children. They get the affair, you get the pain.
Affairs are being normalized. The sex is bad. The feelings are not real. No big deal. Just ego kibbles.
You did not cause this situation. You did not deserve this to happen.
I am going to try the Marie London myself.
[This message edited by rambler at 4:44 PM, March 10th (Sunday)]
Cule ( new member #65714) posted at 11:01 PM on Saturday, March 9th, 2019
@waitedwaytoolong. Is your ex in a relationship? What's her life like?
Notmysoulmate ( new member #66420) posted at 4:12 AM on Sunday, March 10th, 2019
I actually thought about the Marie Kondo method today for my marriage. Does H spark joy? Not yet.
DestroyedWife80 ( member #66005) posted at 2:46 AM on Monday, March 11th, 2019
I think you really hit the nail on the head!
After D-Day...I just feel like that 'something special' has disappeared from my relationship with WH.
In fact, I have dated people and when it felt like this (ok but 'flat', fun but only on a superficial level) , I always chose to end the relationship. I wanted something 'more', something 'special' with my husband.
When he chose to act out with other women (and men) he destroyed much of that trust, my belief that what we had was special, that I was his 'one and only'.
He also removed my right to choose to marry him based on all the facts. He withheld BIG transgressions that would have led to me to NOT marrying him. That's like me knowing he wants a lot of children, but I wait until we're married to tell him I've never wanted kids & just played along to 'trap' him in marriage. It's SO deceitful!
One of the hardest things to do in life is letting go of what you thought was real.
Married 4/2018
D-Day #1- 8/2018
D-Day #2- 1/2019
DD#3 October 2019
Me: 38 BW, I am broken
Him: 47 WH, sex addict/sexting/escorts: lie & deny everything! Gasl
gutted2018 ( new member #69998) posted at 4:00 PM on Monday, March 11th, 2019
I am a BS - DD was June 23rd surviving EA/PA of 4 mths btw WH and former assistant
I have been able to find moments of joy with my husband while we work through R. It is not easy - but I have found that the more I release my own garbage the easier it is to find those moments.
As another poster said - really you have to find happiness within yourself and joy within yourself. Even glimpses work - hang on to them when they happen.
you are free to make any choice but you are not free from any consequence
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