SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hi Sammie. I first want to say I am sorry for the loss of your brother. That must be very hard for you aside from what your WH (wayward husband) has done to you.

Your husband appears to be a serial cheater and with no regard for your feelings. Actively trying to start a family with you and his mistress becomes pregnant.

Please take care of yourself. Visit the dr and get checked for diseases. Ask for medications toncalm anxiety and help you sleep if you need those. Separate your finances so that he cannot take everything and use it for his girlfriends.

Finally, you say you’re alone and cannot trust anyone. Do you have a priest, pastor or clergy you can confide in? If not can you make an appointment for therapy? This is a traumatic time for you and you cannot manage alone.

Post here for support, take some time to read in the Healing Library. Most of all, take one breath at a time.

(((Sammie)))

Welcome to SI. I’m so sorry you’re here but you find yourself in good company.

I too have lost my brother, in the last few years also, so know something of what you have been through. For your husband to cheat on you whilst you have been mourning lost pregnancies and your brother is doubly despicable and cruel. I am very glad and impressed that you moved so swiftly to denounce him and get rid of him on your second D-day (discovery day).

I used Dday as a wake up call to myself, to put myself further up my list, in fact to get myself on my list altogether. I hope you are able to be very kind and loving to yourself, you have been through a rough time, and it sounds like you don’t feel able to share your feelings with anyone irl. I hope you are not keeping your feelings in too much, that anger and sadness can turn against yourself and lead to depression. So it’s good that you have found your way here, to be with others who understand what you’ve been through and where you’re at now.

As Marie said, it’s good to spend some time in the Healing Library (up left), there’s lots of invaluable information there.

Sounds also like you need to let the joy and wonde back into your life, so I hope you can begin to pursue things irl that will bring back enjoyment and relaxation into your life, and where maybe you can meet and make new friends.

Sending you a hug. You sound very resilient, I’m sure you will be fine. You clearly understood that your husband’s infidelity was toxic and you got yourself ‘ out of infidelity’. Well done.

Keep posting. We are here for you.

[This message edited by Edie at 5:13 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)]

double post.

[This message edited by Freeme at 9:40 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)]

Sammie, I am so sorry for what you've gone through. Please know that none of it is your fault. I know the stress of going through IVF and lost pregnancies and that in itself is traumatic enough. To deal with the death of a family member and a serial cheating spouse on top of that must be devastating. If you are not ready to talk to family about it please consider talking to a counselor. You need to understand that none of this is your fault. That you are not Stupid. You can claim up to 50% of the problems in the marriage (sounds like much less) but the affairs were 100% on him. It sounds like your WH is a very broken man. You have been very strong in asking him to leave immediately after catching him that last time.

In as much pain as you are in you need to go to the doctors and get checked for STD's. Do not believe anything he says. Start separating your accounts if you have not already. Baby steps, you sound like a very strong person, you will get through this.

You need to understand that nothing you have done gave him the right to cheat on you. You are not to blame for any of this. Trusting him was not being stupid it was a part of being in love and marriage.

Keep posting until you are ready to share with family. Eat and drink plenty of water.

Sammie my heart hurt reading what you've been through.

So glad you found SI as this will certainly be a place where you can find guidance and more importantly to be able to speak about whatever is on your mind.

Your husband has shown he isn't capable of being someone who can treasure you and shower you with the love and affection that any wife deserves.

When you should have been grieving after losing your brother you have to deal with his massive betrayal!! Shame on him and how pathetic.

As for your brother, so sorry to hear this Sammie, losing a loved one (especially one you're close to) is extremely tough. You have so much you're dealing with right now but please allow yourself to grieve. Try not to bottle it up.

Please continue to share whatever is on your mind Sammie, and again so glad you found SI and had the courage to share your story.

Hang in there my friend.

Sammie, you've been through hell.

I know you didn't come here looking for sympathy, but you're going to get it anyway.

You deserve it!

You put way too much stock in thinking that you need to carry this burden alone.

You did the right thing in posting as well. So many people are probably in your shoes and you may be helping someone else decide to post.

I can't finish my thought right now because I've got to go into a meeting, but I'll be back later to expound on my thoughts.

Again, I thank you for posting!

[This message edited by Wool94 at 9:07 AM, June 5th (Wednesday)]

AS others have said welcome.

I am a bit of an old timer here, and have seen many stories and instances of infidelity that the Betrayed Spouse (BS- that's you) feels like no one else in the world has been through what you have, but you have seen already that several people here have dealt with the IVF and losses, and loss of siblings too.

We know the grief that if felt when our Marriages (M) also die, or are murdered by our Wayward Spouses (WS). It's also a stunning realization for those like you that have serial cheaters that were never really the person you believed them to be. There is a fair amount of grief that accompanies that, along with dealing with the betrayal and victimization of you.

So to say that your head is spinning and you are lost and anxious is totally acceptable. To say you feel stupid is not. You were hoodwinked (as my gram would say). You married a man that was not anything you believed he was, because he is a skilled liar and manipulator. Probably also good at verbal abuse and jabs to make you feel less than you should.

With all that said we are here to support you.

Please read in the healing library upper left side of your screen.

Please get full STD testing as he has behaviors that put you at high risk (that means a pelvic and blood work).

Please see an attorney to learn your rights, and his obligations.

Please consider going to see a counselor that is specialized in grief and infidelity counseling. You have described that you are isolated and don't really have anyone you feel you can share this with. Counseling is great just to get a 3rd parties perspective and understanding of what you are going through.

((((And Strength))))

What Tush said.... very best and compassionate advice for you!

Hi Sammie,

Welcome to SI. I will try and not repeat what other members have posted.

Please take care of yourself. Stay hydrated with water. Be cognizant of getting the proper amount of nutrition and sleep if possible. If you have trouble with eating, nutrient shakes may help. If sleep is a problem you may need to see a medical professional.

You are not alone. I lost my sister just prior to dealing with my wayward wife's infidelity. Self-care is important when processing such pain and trauma.

Regarding your wayward husband's infidelity, please do not accept any responsibility for his betrayal and immoral actions. He owns every bit of it.

He is responsible for his deplorable choices.

My thoughts are with you. We will be with you on your journey as you heal.

I hope you do not mind a virtual hug.

(((Sammie)))

I am like Marz. I admire your decisiveness.