SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Just want to say great thread.

I think with him he has always been a liar. I think it started when he was young. I also think it's because he has to appear to be this great guy all the time. And I think part of it is control. If he lies about something it's so he has control of what someone else thinks about what he is telling him. The day to day small lies I think is just because he has lies for so long about so many things that it is just habit now.

Sounds like my WH, along with so many other comments.

At this point, I find it incredibly sad to watch. The constant "I don't know", "I don't remember" or "I thought I told you...." followed by the puppy dog worried look as if he thinks he's losing his memory. Maybe he is, but I don't really think so.... that's the same look I got after each post-dday lie. For the life of me I cannot understand how anyone - esp a WS that's been caught - cannot see how liberating honesty can be. Seems like all those lies would take a heckuva lot of energy.

My husband is a compulsive liar. Our therapist has tried to help me navigate being ‘married’ someone who is. From my experience/understanding it’s something they do subconsciously and automatically and they get themselves so caught up in the web of lies they don’t really know how to get out. The thing to remember is that is their issue and their problem NOT yours. I have learned to accept that but it creates tremendous space between us. I cannot change him - he is responsible for his own inner work and healing.

I hope that helps a little

Why wouldn't he tell me about this encounter?

Because he's not a former wayward. He still has a wayward mindset. Be careful.