SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

As someone whose kids knew before I do, I can say that if he does the work, the relationships will improve.

At least mine did. Of course that included family therapy, a lot of work on his part and my being a neutral party. It was hard on me bc I wanted to fix it - but I didn't break it - HE DID.

In the long run, I do think my kids learned some valuable lessons - adults do fuck up, and when you are truly remorseful, you take responsibility for your actions - and that forgiveness is a great thing.

Saying that, it sounds like we are perfect but we aren't - and if he ever cheated again, he would be very sorry bc he'd lose all of us. My kids are a lot like me, once I forgive - twice I'll burn your butt and leave you in the ashes. Please keep your eyes and ears open, and be prepared for more truths to come to life that he "forgot". I hope it is not case, but I'm a prepare for the worst be surprised by better.....

Your kids aren't babies. Your cheating spouse created consequences when he was running his agenda. You lie, cheat, violate marriage, gaslight spouse = consequences.

Let them work out their relationships with him (or not).

Promise you it was the lying. My father lied about something important to my brother when my brother was 13 and a straight A student wound up barely passing high school or college. He was in his late 20s before he pulled himself together but he never forgave our father. They had an iffy relationship until our father died. People don’t realize how destructive lies are.

Are your kids coming home for Xmas?

Consider some sort of face to face meeting where the purpose is for your husband to apologize. Your husband can leave immediately afterward and then you guys can vent and discuss it.

Your husband needs to apologize - and your kids need an opportunity to express their disappointment/anger.