SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Sorry you have to be here Under. Please go to the healing library in the upper left corner... read the 180 - no decisions, just read and let yourself think/feel whatever you need to. Actions speak louder than words right now and for your husband - it's showtime.

Fuck Snapchat!!!! Another poor soul suffering because that shit made it easy to hide. I know that the WS is the main issue here, but what the hell?! I am so sorry Undeserving, I have been where you are. I found out through the Verizon app and Facebook Messenger. The funny thing is that my WH used to complain about people being on their phones all the time. He is now worse than ANYONE I know. He’s mastered the phone tilt and hiding info in every way. If you’re like me, you’ll have to stop investigating for awhile so you can at least eat without feeling like you are going to puke. I will be thinking of you😢

I am so very sorry for you.

Your discovery is similar to mine. I remember that day - discovering his chat on a Words with Friends game. That was bad enough. Then, I found out there was more. Much more. Much, much more. I didn't find out the full extent of his infidelity until I did some research for the complaint. Then, I had more. I will never know it all.

What I do know is this - it's not about you. It's him. Remember that. Unless he says that and runs out to make drastic changes, he may not be sincere.

For the spouse who has multiple affairs, which it sounds like happened here, regular old counseling is not enough.

Get an individual counselor who will help you cut through his BS.

Our daughter was less than a year old. I was angry for awhile then felt like I simply dragged through every day.

You are not alone. You can do this.

Do you have kids?

If not, you should strongly consider leaving this man.

Not only is he a cheater - he is an "active cheater"

He's running around looking for women to hook up with and he has been doing it for years.

And he can lie straight to your face without batting an eyelash and he sleeps like a baby after doing it.

Consider a future with a good honest man.

With multiple women contact, I would assume there is much more I'm afraid. Multiple women indicate serial cheating/ sex addiction....I am so sorry.

Self care is most important right now. Be kind to your self. Drink water and sleep when you can.

It’s a big damn deal. Don’t do any preemptive minimizing on his behalf; trust me he will do plenty of that on his own.

Also don’t assume this is the extent of it. If it went on for any length of time an emotional attachment was formed. If an emotional attachment was formed, physical contact is just around the corner.

THIS.

And then I saw your update.

Damn. I'm so sorry. You'll get lots of good advice here UD.

I'm so sorry.

he is an "active cheater"

He's running around looking for women to hook up with and he has been doing it for years.

This ^^^^^

I agree that this might not be salvageable.

Snapchat didn't make him cheat. It's simply the tool he used to find OW. Had it not been Snapchat,it would have been Facebook, Craigslist, the cashier at the gas station,etc,etc.

[This message edited by HellFire at 7:36 AM, December 10th (Tuesday)]

I appreciate everyone’s replies. The first initial ones are what inspired me to dig more and how I learned the truth.

To clarify, my OP was not the truth. It wasn’t even a half truth, more like 1/4 truth. He never actually talked to the other girls, they were Instagram personas. He only would chat with the one girl he had the affair with.

I found out about her by downloading his deleted friends data, adding the girls, and then the actual woman he was cheating with sent a snap, saying “why add me after 3 years” and so I pretended to be him and learned they had a sexual relationship. Basically she was saying “you would only F me in the morning before work, you never took me on a real date” and so on and so on.

It’s hard to believe anything that comes out of his mouth now, and I still feel like my body literally cannot take this pain I’m enduring. Is it normal to wish I had never known? Our marriage got so much better in the past 2 years, and then this completely crushed that. Sometimes breathing even hurts. He’s willing to do whatever so he says, but like I said it’s hard to believe him. I mostly hate him right now, even though I still love him. He’s who I always turned to for comfort and now he’s the one who has crushed my entire soul. I feel so lost, so hurt, so mad, and so on and so on. Please tell me this gets easier

I am so sorry you’re here. Welcome to the club no one wants to be apart of. This is a safe place.

Now I will tell you it does get easier with time. Time doesn’t heal all wounds though they just fester less.

Whether you decided to D or R there are several new rules he’ll need to follow and shouldn’t argue them with you.

Complete transparency. You have access to everything, counseling and he needs to show you he’s worthy of your gift of reconciliation. Both parties need to be 100% committed for a real R to happen.

Again, I’m sorry you found yourself here. (Hugs)