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Leia230: Your number one priority today is to see that your children are protected. That means seeing a lawyer asap and filing for support for your children. All of your husband's professions of love and remorse are irrelevant to your need to do that today.

Right now you are focused on having him end his relationship with his affair partner and worried about their future content. That's completely understandable. Your focus right now though, has to be to avoid having this unborn child take priority over yours financially. See a lawyer right now. Consulting a lawyer is not a sign that our marriage is over, it's a declaration that you will put your children above everything else.

Reading the responses in this thread has me disgusted by ALL adults involved in cases like this including the desperate BS.

You’re keeping your dog but not all that comes with the dirt he did. It’s so desperate and toxic.

You’re now complicit playing this keep away game.

Don’t try to rationalize it either.

Yuck.

[This message edited by WonderingMind at 9:46 AM, March 22nd (Sunday)]

Wondering Mind—-I am assuming you are speaking from a place of personal experience with this certain type of situation? The purpose of these forums are to be helpful and supportive. I’m not sure you are aware of this—-having few posts.

My husband may have an affair baby. But from pictures I’ve seen he doesn’t look a thing like my H, either of our kids or ANY baby pictures. And my H’s genes are STRONG. Both of my kids are duplicates of him. My daughter looks like a spitting image of my MIL. Scary right?!

Her dates also don’t line up. Her estimated date of conception put my H back in the states for over a week.

She lives in another country that is not apart of The Hague Agreement so when he said I want no part of this child’s life there was literally nothing she could do. She has been in contact with my MiL and has said she wants nothing, nothing to do with my H, me, our kids or anything. She wants nothing from us.

Before. Was another story. She was constantly messaging him. She tried to blackmail him and me. She just wanted to stay relevant and when we didn’t give her that she went away.

Get an attorney and let all communications go through him/her. Get a paternity test when it’s born go from there. Have the attorney send a NC letter also.

Then work on what you and your WS want. Use your time wisely before this train wreck is back in your life in 6 months.

If he decides to be apart of the child’s life and pay CS. That’s his decision. If he chooses to give up all his rights and sign his rights over, that’s his decision too.

I made it clear that I will not be apart of the child’s life, he was on his own. He made the decision on his own to stay NC.

[This message edited by Walkingthewire at 1:34 PM, March 24th (Tuesday)]

My husband’s affair child looks like my oldest son when he was younger. I can hardly look at young pictures of my son without triggering. Hate this man.

I know all too well the devastation of finding this out. Like you, the other woman sent pics and such and as always there trying to guilt him with something. He too wanted to stay. She went through it alone aside from phone communications, so it was said. I took what the cheater said with a grain of salt. She was happy as can be knowing she was carrying his child. He..I guess had a change of heart and started being kinder toward the end of everything. He wasn’t at the birth but spent time afterwards. I’m told by a friend he seemed to be delighted by the little one. He would go back and forth between worrying about her feelings and making sure her emotions don’t harm the baby, to doubts of it not being his. I think it was all for show and what he thought would work to win me.

6 weeks later, after marveling at this baby test showed differently. I’m hoping the same for you. It was too late for us as... The thought of sharing him in that way with another would be too much. Babies and all their firsts tend to bring people back to their comforts and easily back into each other arms. All the emotions about the child seem to breed commonality and feelings toward each other. Feelings that may have died seem to resurface due to the love of the child. It was too much to imagine. I pray you heal from the hurt. Take care.

[This message edited by IWMWWCT1920 at 11:06 PM, March 27th (Friday)]

Hugs. I’m sorry you’ve found yourself here, but this place is the best place for you to be right now. First things first, FILE FOR CHILD SUPPORT ASAP. You will never forgive yourself for not putting your kids first by filing for CS before the POS OW does. Second, he needs to get a DNA test ASAP. Third, it is 100% okay for you to demand NO CONTACT between him & the child ( if it’s his). He DOES NOT need to be in the delivery room & DOES NOT need to visit her while in the hospital. He DOES NOT need to go to ANY appointment. HE DOES NOT need to give her any money nor buy anything (until paternity is confirmed & child support filed). He DOES NOT need to attend a baby shower. Your husband IS NOT her partner and has no obligation to be by her side during pregnancy and childbirth. She shouldn’t have allowed a married man to knock her up if she truly wanted the benefits that come with an involved partner. He also shouldn’t have knocked up a woman outside of his marriage if he wanted to play the role of supportive partner.

Stop playing the pick me dance & draw your line in the sand. If he wants the chance to attempt to salvage his marriage to you, no contact needs to start right now & continue until one of them dies. Your husband has put you in a terrible position. Just know that you are not obligated to stay with him. Good luck.

[This message edited by JpnHeartBreak at 2:28 PM, April 1st (Wednesday)]

Thank you everyone for the responses. All communication with her has ceased. I unfortunately, found out I myself am expecting which came from a complete surprise as multiple types of protection have been used but needless to say I am keeping my child. I informed him in which he responded with pure delight and he has proven she is completely blocked on his phone per our phone company and all social media as well. He informed a few coworkers of his excitement and word spread pretty quickly. She confronted him at work and he filed harassment against her. He showed me the paperwork. She finally realized her place and is mad because she knows he will be here for me and NOT her. Still working on our relationship. I have no trust yet but he's constantly informing me where he's at, whether work or on his way home especially in the quarantine. He accepted to completely stay away from her, including not being there for the child if it is his as long as I allow him to be there for our 3. Again, my walls are still standing. Just glad to see effort from his part.

This sounds like a good start, but stay vigilant. I would recommend getting "Not Just Friends" by Shirley Glass and "How to Help Your Spouse Heal From Your Affair" by Lindsay MacDonald. You can ask him to read them, but shouldn't push. If he's showing signs or remorse, he'll read them without you asking repeatedly and initiate the suggested changes on his own.

How has finding a lawyer gone? Now that you're going to have three, filing for child support for them is more important than ever, especially if the OW is now pissed off.

Good. I am glad he is showing you that he may one day be a trust worthy partner again.

Congratulations on your baby. I've always wanted a surprise pregnancy. Mine were planned and I had to have fertility treatment to have them both.

I really hope that you have all the happiness in the world and he continues to show you and prove to you that he can eventually be trusted again.