SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

The one thing that stands out the most and I can't get out of my head is just how he kept saying over and over again how sweet and nice she was to him. Oh, and that he didn't care about the money.

Funny how quickly things have changed once he realized he was really losing EVERYTHING.

That being said even though he's fighting me on the money, OW is still the light of his life.

"I don't remember" (I don't want to tell you.

I just had to copy all these to carry around with me - for laughs as well as reminders of what I am hearing. I'm past the crying gasping stage and have graduated to the my way or the highway stage. Life is too short to be miserable and put up with his shit. even after 41 years - I'm not dead yet!!!

Me: (getting my phone out of my purse during the confrontation)

WS (STBX): What are you doing?

Me: I'm going to call the OW's son

WS (STBX): Don't do that. That would be a huge embarrassment!!

(really? even more embarrassing than finding out that your husband is cheating on you?)

Me: May I please see your phone?

WS (STBX): My phone? Why?

Me: I want to look at the text messages and emails you've sent lately.

WS (STBX): No. That would be a Huge invasion of privacy.

(that's the point where I got up and told him we were done.)

"I'll do EVERYTHING I can to make it right"-(translation.."F*CK!!! I can't believe I got caught")

"I SWEAR on my mother's grave and my childrens lives that I DID NOT SLEEP WITH HER"-(translation.."We didn't sleep, stupid, we were f*cking the entire time")

"I'm SOOOOOOO SORRRRYYYYY!!!!"--(translation..."that I got caught")

[This message edited by KLinNoCA at 5:16 PM, January 22nd (Thursday)]

Was thinking of this thread last night in reference to what WS said. He broke off with OW and was telling me how a girl at Hooters gave him her number to call him. He looked at me and said "I threw the number away because that's wrong to call other women when your with someone else"

But it's okay to do it if your married just not dating OW

how about this one from my H when i first found out..

"i think we both may contributed to what happened.."

trans. there is no way i am going to take all the blame!

"leave her alone, she doesnt matter to us anymore..."

trans. her feelings still mean more to me than yours.

"i wont do it again but we have been friends since high school so i cant give up the friendship..."

trans. please can i keep her, i want to f*** her some more..

must say tho, he has changed his tunequite a bit over the past year and a half...i hope

Wish I didn't have anything to add here, but here goes...

"It wasn't real, it was an escape, a fantasy"

trans: And what you are feeling isn't real either, so if you buy this, I can escape the consequences of my actions

"I did not have a real affair, we did not have real sex"

trans: My penis didn't enter her vagina, only my tongue

"You did not accept me for who I really am"

trans: My ego and perception are incapable of doing anything but distorting truth

"I don't even remember writing that"

trans: Deny, deny, til the day I die

"It was all her pursuing me"

trans: I am not responsible for my actions

"It was all but over"

trans: If you hadn't busted us, I'd still be bangin' her

H had arranged for whore/neighbor to look after our house for a couple of days while we were gone. So he calls her up in front of me and says, "Oh, are you ready for me to come over to get you and walk you over to my house to show you around."

Trans: Since my stupid wife seems to be buying this lame ass excuse, can I come over for 10 minutes and get a quick blow job before I leave for 2 days.

bump

This may be a repeat, but I would like to hear feedback:

The way she looked at me with so much love, although nothing was flowing from me to her, I couldn't bear to hurt her.

Translation - I didn't think she would find out

I never told her I loved her, I told you I love you, I do love you.

Translation - I didn't think you would find out

I feel like my brain is in a hurricane right now, I can't talk to you about the future.

translation - I haven't figured out a good way to keep lying to you yet.

Of all that excuses I have received from my WH the best is this one:

"She threatened to hurt you and our daughter if I broke it off with her."

Translation ~ I haven't hurt you enough so now I am going to insult your intelligence.

How about:

Don't call her husband, they have really been working on their marriage and he's a really mean guy so I don't know what he might be capable of.

Translation: I care more about her than I care about you and besides once he finds out...he might come and kick my ass.

And the truly humiliating and sad thing is that I cared more about my WH and really did fear he might come and hurt him so didn't call. I did end up calling him 3 weeks later when I found out WH and homewrecker had broken NC and guess what? Not such a bad guy at all. Very hurt by his wife and in a lot of pain. I SO wish I had blown the covers off of them when I had the chance the 1st time. Would have prevented the considerable pain I am experiencing because of the 2nd betrayal.

Here are a couple of my favorites:

It felt so good to have someone appreciate the attention I give.

Translation: This bitch doesn't care that I don't do housework, sleep all I want, and watch while I'm being taken care of.

I had to keep emailing her - she threatened to blow up the affair, tell you everything! I had to send the message that I loved her but couldn't be with her.

Translation: Even though I came home after our seperation, I wanted to keep fucking her.

I didn't go through all of the posts, but if your trying to R this thread is terrifying. I know actions speak louder than words, but is there anything they could say to help you trust again? Or is it totally based on true actions and much time?? EX For the waywards to say I love you, I'm so sorry, please forgive me is a total waste of time? I mean, what if they Mean it?? How will I ever know?? I'm so very depressed.

[This message edited by Broken52009 at 8:37 PM, August 25th (Tuesday)]

WH - "I wouldn't be here if I didn't love you."

Translation: I love this life because I get to have my cake and eat it to.

My thoughts: It's your f**n lie, tell it any f**n way you want to.

I didn't go through all of the posts, but if your trying to R this thread is terrifying. I know actions speak louder than words, but is there anything they could say to help you trust again? Or is it totally based on true actions and much time?? EX For the waywards to say I love you, I'm so sorry, please forgive me is a total waste of time? I mean, what if they Mean it?? How will I ever know?? I'm so very depressed.

I know it isn't what you want to hear, but even the best words are only "icing on the cake." The cake part is always and has to be actions. You can get a good idea of how serious a WS is about R from words, but without action it's no different from a WS who is currently in an A telling you "we're just friends."

The standad reply I get a lot lately is...

"u r a psycho" (with 12 year old texting language and all...)

Translation: You just said something that sounds remotely like something sane and true, but it cannot register in my tiny, foggy, alien brain!

I tried to make our marriage work. You should have known there was a problem.

Translation: I am too lazy and passive/aggressive to actually work on our relationship, so I just started boinking the tramp in our minivan to make myself feel better... which is ALL YOUR FAULT!

Translation #2: (This one is actually NOT a translation, but what he followed that up with.)... I know I never SAID I was unhappy, and woulnd't agree to get help or got to counseling... but you should have made it better! (Seriously...)

[This message edited by NeedingGodsHelp at 9:51 PM, August 25th (Tuesday)]

ooh... I've got another one...

This one goes down in the "What planet have their brains shipped off to" chapter...

Me: I am praying for you. I still believe that somewhere inside is the great man and father I used to know.

WS: stop sending me ur hate mail!

Chapter 99: Justifications and Rationalisations

Me; How can you accept that she called your 16year old daughter and told her that she (ow) was pregnant.

Him: She was just trying to get hold of me. She was missing me"