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Stevesn ( member #58312) posted at 9:18 PM on Saturday, November 11th, 2017
Btw. A salute to you on Veterans Day !
fBBF. Just before proposing, broke it off after her 2nd confirmed PA in 2 yrs. 9 mo later I met the wonderful woman I have spent the next 30 years with.
redbaron007 ( member #50144) posted at 9:27 PM on Saturday, November 11th, 2017
My friend,
I can already see you've started picking yourself up and on the path to recovery. Bravo! You are still young at 30. There are plenty, and I mean PLENTY of beautiful, talented, smart women out there who DO NOT cheat, under ANY circumstances, you know, people just like you and me who will never cheat. So eat and drink well, exercise, play sports or cultivate hobbies, get yourself on a firm financial footing and you'll be just fine. You have done everything you could have to salvage your marriage, but it failed because your wife gave up, so do not blame yourself for it. There is nothing to gain by hanging on to the past. Look forward to a bright future, you will meet someone who will love you and respect you and you'll have a great life.
Me: BS (44)
She: WS (41)
One son (6)
DDay: May 2015 (OBS told me)
Divorced, Zero regrets, sound sleep, son doing great!
A FOG is just a weather phenomenon. An Affair Fog is a clever excuse invented by WS's to explain their continued bad behavior.
Sharkman ( member #56818) posted at 10:01 PM on Saturday, November 11th, 2017
She basically started cheating the instant she enters the workplace. This isn’t some love of a life she found. This is some opportunistic self-centered loser who latched onto the first creep to give her attention.
You are better than she is. Always remember that.
Ithasfeels (original poster member #60985) posted at 11:09 PM on Saturday, November 11th, 2017
Thank you all. Tt does make me feel better knowing I have SI for support. Feeling a little down tonight, but nothing major! I'm going out tonight with some people from the new job to a casino so that should lift me back up. I will update as time goes on.
Marz ( member #60895) posted at 11:57 PM on Saturday, November 11th, 2017
No contact and keeping yourself occupied will get you where you need to be the fastest.
Now that you've come out of the shocked stage and denial of who she is. This will start to turn in your favor.
You'll never have to see her again. And there is nothing there to see.
Nice work !!!!! Don't regress.
SorrowfulMoon ( member #59925) posted at 1:31 AM on Sunday, November 12th, 2017
I still think deep down you still are romanticising your past and current relationship with the hope she may come back to you.
You are making progress though. Just don't forget she has told you who she really is over a long period of time. Please believe her. She is a cold-hearted cheating individual who has only ever really loved one person and that is herself.
The 180 is to develop yourself for a future life without her in it; not to show her that you can live without her. A subtle but important difference.
Ithasfeels (original poster member #60985) posted at 1:55 AM on Sunday, November 12th, 2017
.
[This message edited by Ithasfeels at 7:56 PM, November 11th (Saturday)]
Ithasfeels (original poster member #60985) posted at 5:13 AM on Sunday, November 12th, 2017
I wont deny it Sorrow, you are right. Tonight at the casino a really pretty girl was flirting with me and we kissed (I had a lot to drink), she wanted to do more but I couldn't... not while I'm still married. I had to leave. She was very attractive, I just couldn't. I need to go through with this 180 and get the D
[This message edited by Ithasfeels at 11:14 PM, November 11th (Saturday)]
Stevesn ( member #58312) posted at 5:38 AM on Sunday, November 12th, 2017
Hang in there. There will be plenty of girls to kiss and more after the D.
Be true to yourself. Focus on the D.
It’s ok to be with and meet new friends, but don’t get ahead of yourself.
Stick to the 180 and only talk D to the ExWW. Talking about other women you are meeting will only come off as needy to her.
[This message edited by Stevesn at 11:40 PM, November 11th (Saturday)]
fBBF. Just before proposing, broke it off after her 2nd confirmed PA in 2 yrs. 9 mo later I met the wonderful woman I have spent the next 30 years with.
Marz ( member #60895) posted at 5:56 AM on Sunday, November 12th, 2017
What you can't see yet is your wayward wife is a very typical cheater. Nothing special about her at all. They are a dime a dozen.
I have 3 friends who went through the struggle but after they were amazed at how much better they had it in their next relationship.
And they all swear a hard 180 was the best thing they could've done. They all three struggled just like you upfront so get there!!!!
[This message edited by Marz at 11:56 PM, November 11th (Saturday)]
Sharkman ( member #56818) posted at 10:51 AM on Sunday, November 12th, 2017
Good job flirting and then walking away man. It’s validating knowing that you are an in-demand commodity.
Look at this very mathematically. If given the option, emotions removed, shouldn’t you strive to pick the most optimal spouse for you? Why pick one that cheats and treats you like dirt?
If that sounds good then we just need to work on your emotions. Trust me, you’re much closer to ‘modifying’ those then you may feel at the moment. You have come very very far in a few short weeks.
Remember, above all. No Contact.
TimelessLoss ( member #55295) posted at 12:20 PM on Sunday, November 12th, 2017
The 180 is to develop yourself for a future life without her in it; not to show her that you can live without her
SorrowfulMoon nailed it.
"You've got to learn to leave the table when love is no longer being served"
Ithasfeels (original poster member #60985) posted at 4:47 PM on Monday, November 13th, 2017
Short update:
Still sticking with the 180. Having a consultation with a very highly rated divorce lawyer in my area tomorrow to talk about my options and have her served while she's at work. She has still not responded to my email
Tigersrule77 ( member #47339) posted at 8:19 PM on Monday, November 13th, 2017
I also thought your message was well written. You are "moving on" and that came across.
Good move talking to the lawyer. You can keep his work to a minimum, but you want to make sure that what you are doing is correct so you need a legal expert to review it. Otherwise a judge can throw it out later and it will cost more or take longer.
Keep up the good work.
Sharkman ( member #56818) posted at 8:36 PM on Monday, November 13th, 2017
Once you have the consultation with the divorce lawyer EVERYTHING needs to go through him or her. No more texting, no more sending e-mails.
This is when we throw your healing into overdrive. You're way too good for dealing with this shit for any longer than you have to.
goalong ( member #57352) posted at 10:44 PM on Monday, November 13th, 2017
Still sticking with the 180. Having a consultation with a very highly rated divorce lawyer in my area tomorrow to talk about my options and have her served while she's at work. She has still not responded to my email
Send a neutral email asking what her response is. I am wondering whether you should wait befpre lawyering to check if she agreed to all you want
Sharkman ( member #56818) posted at 11:59 AM on Tuesday, November 14th, 2017
Make sure you read arb’s thread (particularly his most recent few posts) as well. He’s a man in the midst of this who is managing to post and act like a veteran.
http://www.survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=610517&AP=361
Ithasfeels (original poster member #60985) posted at 7:29 PM on Tuesday, November 14th, 2017
Update
Hired a lawyer and filed for D today. Paid the retainer, etc. etc. All systems GO moving forward, still sticking strong to my 180. I feel a nice sense of peace of mind at the moment, but know I still have a lot of hard work and tough days ahead of me. She should get served in about a week or so, at her work, by a uniformed police officer (I specially requested it for maximum embarrassment...I'm petty ok?)
[This message edited by Ithasfeels at 1:30 PM, November 14th (Tuesday)]
SorrowfulMoon ( member #59925) posted at 9:33 PM on Tuesday, November 14th, 2017
Make sure you read arb’s thread (particularly his most recent few posts) as well. He’s a man in the midst of this who is managing to post and act like a veteran.
Sharkman is right. Arb's situation is one of the worst examples of emotional abuse by a wife that I have read. She deliberately and with malice aforethought disrespected and abused him, taking up with a boyfriend in front of arb's nose and showing not a jot of concern about the horrible impact it was having on her husband.
She denied a physical affair but even if that were true, which everyone doubts, the way she treated her husband was pre-planned, manipulative and just plain cruel.
He eventually did the 180, adopted NC and found a great IC after one horrible one and a terrible MC.
He is showing great strength of character and making excellent progress. You can do the same. I have no doubt both his wife and your wife will live to regret what they did but it will be far too late by then.
[This message edited by SorrowfulMoon at 3:33 PM, November 14th (Tuesday)]
Ithasfeels (original poster member #60985) posted at 10:10 PM on Tuesday, November 14th, 2017
I did read Arb's thread, sounds a lot like what my WW is doing. She never denied the affair, but she did do it all behind my back, never talked about it, humored R for one weekend then cheated again, then just tell me she didn't love me and loves OM and moved out a month ago on Thursday. So yes, I can relate. Fuck em
Can't wait until she gets served and I'm one step closer to being free
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