SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Lst night the kids saw something...

I was invited over to a friend's for a beer. Before I left, WW cornered me and aske dif I had a few minutes to sit with her. This is a result of the 180, she is definitely feeling lonely...so I went and sat with her and even took one of her feet to give her a foot rub like I used to do years ago when we were first married.

She said things like she can't be alone without me, that she needs me, etc, but that if we stay together in a real marriage, she'll always be unhappy. I told her that if she had said that to me when I proposed ("Yes, but I'll be unhappy for the rest of my life."), I'd have taken the ring back.

Once again, she asked to be understood. I told her that I understood her perfectly, that we wanted completely opposite things in a "marriage". She then complained that I ddin't have empathy for her, and I AGREED. It went downhill from there...she complained that I was territorial and said that I didn't own her body...I said something like "fine, give him as many BJs as you want," "i don't want to" "But you did. I'm going out."

I then left the room only to see our three kids standing there looking at me. I think they only heard the very end of the conversation, but after 6 weeks of hiding it, I think they now know something's wrong.

I went to my friend's, talked, vented a bit. She texted me while I was there..

"There's no place like home. There's no place like home." Dorothy Gail

I almost texted back..."If you only had a heart" , but, take note bigger, I didn't feed the drama.

She was still up when I came home, but it wasn't as icy.

[This message edited by Feb 8, 2011 at 4:49 AM, March 23rd (Wednesday)]

Expect the kids to have some questions. At weird times. Out of the blue.

Don't let her eat cake!!!!

She said this morning she would give up her friends to stay in the marriage...stay tuned.

Lawyer's at 4.

Her friends...as in the bike club? Or her FRIENDS, as in other men to have sex with???

Let us know how you make out at the Lawyer.

We are staying tuned...

Her friends...as in the bike club? Or her FRIENDS, as in other men to have sex with???

It's not exactly a club, it's a loose collection of guys who have are on a mass e-mail list of 20, but maybe a core group of less than 10, among which are both OM.

OM1 was one of the planners and organizers of our trip to the French Alps last summer, and so after spending 10 days riding, eating and drinking with him, I considered him more a friend than an acquaintance. OM2, just an acquaintance...

In her mind, she believes it is possible to just be friends, and she wants to keep going on group rides etc. I told her that even though OM2 freaked out and backed right off, it would only be a matter of time before they started thinking about it again if they were still in contact. I also told her that I would not demand that she stop riding with the group, but that I didn't see how I could cope in a marriage where she conitnued to do so, so it was really her CHOICE.

She knows now that I had access to her email for a couple of days (let that slip at MC), so she shouldn't have been surprised when I called her guppy this morning. "Out of my way guppy, I'm going to work." (it was the subject line in an Oct 1 email btwn her and OM1 - "Shark vs. Guppy" - he's definitely a shark. I forwarded dozens of e-mails while I had access, lots of evidence.

Interesting look on her face...she still won't admit to the ONS or brief fling with OM1...but it was at that point she said she would give up the friends...of course nothing said in the heat of the moment means all that much...

Just sent OM1 an email....

Fishy Analogies...

So, ****, i guess I'm the sucker?

(She had emailed him a warning a few days ago that I was suspicious of them)

I also have all the emails between them in a separate draft ready to send to OM2, called "You weren't her first choice"

I think I may be in the Anger stage right now.

She no longer wants to go on the South Carolina trip although she has paid, starting packing, bought trip insurance etc. She's terrified of 10 days away from me with no control over what I'm thinking or doing.

It'll be interesting what she tells the three guys if she backs out...she can't tell them the truth. (I can though)

I hope she does go, just for the entertainment you will get knowing how uncomfortable she will be after the truth comes out.

Keep at it-you are hanging in there very well.

Feb,

Keep your emotions in check, it’s very hard. She is still in the fog but starting to do damage control. You will know when she is working her head out of her ass when she stops with phrases like....

She then complained that I didn’t have empathy for her, and I AGREED. It went downhill from there...she complained that I was territorial and said that I didn't own her body.

Stay the course, focus on you and the kids. I am proud of the fact that you now are divorced of her behaviors, now watch them closely. Her behavior will tell you a dysfunctional story, an internal dance with the devil is about to commence when this is exposed for all to see. You will see all of her, the good, bad and ugly. Then you can decide if it is worth your energy to reach her way a bit. Hop on your bike and get a few miles in after the lawyer...

LHAP

[This message edited by lordhasaplan? at 7:03 AM, March 23rd (Wednesday)]

I'm glad you are getting angry because I was thinking about forming a posse to rescue you (OK joke).

Am I to understand that WW does not want to be alone, except when she is in some trashy motel with a married man? And you are supposed to be empathetic enough to go along with that? Because you are such best friends? This is her road to happiness? Because she is afraid if she doesn't do this she will be miserable for the rest of her life?

Will she expect you to cook dinner while she gushes on and on about her latest OM? Will she expect you to do her laundry? Maybe lend her the car keys as she heads out for her latest tryst?

Man, for the life of me, I don't see how this M can survive without intense mental health therapy for her. I honestly think she is in some kind of psychotic fugue. You may want to talk to your lawyer about civil commitment here.

As I said before, no sane woman who has the smallest particle of respect for her husband would seriously believe he would go for such a plan.

As for being territorial. Is that supposed to be an insult? Of course you are after so many years together! Isn't she? If not, why not? Oh yeah, the rules don't apply to her.

By the way, get a keylogger. That way you won't have to worry about hacking her email.

[This message edited by longsadstory1952 at 8:47 AM, March 23rd (Wednesday)]

I hope she does go, just for the entertainment you will get knowing how uncomfortable she will be after the truth comes out.

Keep at it-you are hanging in there very well.

I can't believe we have reached the point where I would enjoy doing that to the woman I've loved for over a decade. But that's where we are.

I was on her Facebook today...OBS is a "friend"..it's her birthday.

This is so interesting Feb, great work! I don't know if I want to see her go on the trip or not but I would pay cash money to watch her squirm in anticipation. A price well worth the admission.

I hope she does go, just for the entertainment you will get knowing how uncomfortable she will be after the truth comes out.

This is so interesting Feb, great work! I don't know if I want to see her go on the trip or not but I would pay cash money to watch her squirm in anticipation. A price well worth the admission.

I don't know if I want her to go or not either.

If she goes,

- it gives me time and space to think and act

- it reinforces her choosing friends over family, which I would document when discussing child custody

- I know she would spend a lot of time there worried about what I was up to (and rightfully so)

If she stays,

- the guys in the group will seriously wonder why

- she will at last have made a choice of family over friends

I'm just going to try to stay out of her way for the next 36 hours and let her decide for herself.

Bigger, any stock phrases to suggest..?

So far I have...

"I can handle things here"

"I know you'll miss the kids...I missed tham like crazy when we were in France."

"It's really up to you."

"The space will give us both time to think"

I also have all the emails between them in a separate draft ready to send to OM2, called "You weren't her first choice"

Don't be suprised if he already knows. He probably knows more than you do at this point about her other relationship.

Don't be suprised if he already knows. He probably knows more than you do at this point about her other relationship.

Yup!!!

Don't waste your time emailing these guys.....send the emails to their bs's!!!

Today's excuse...it's OBs's birthday

That, and I'm waiting till she leaves for South Carolina

I hope she does go, just for the entertainment you will get knowing how uncomfortable she will be after the truth comes out.

Keep at it-you are hanging in there very well.

I can't believe we have reached the point where I would enjoy doing that to the woman I've loved for over a decade. But that's where we are.

I was on her Facebook today...OBS is a "friend"..it's her birthday.

I know what you mean. I suppose there is a part of me that will always want my WS to feel just a bit of the pain, humiliation, and betrayal I've felt. Of course, I wouldn't ever act on it, but it is definitely entertaining.

In her mind, she believes it is possible to just be friends, and she wants to keep going on group rides etc.

Nope!!......If ya hang out in a barbershop long enough..sooner or later - you'll get a haircut...

It'll be interesting what she tells the three guys if she backs out...she can't tell them the truth.

You'll get better results if ya just notify their wives....

Bufffalo

She said things like she can't be alone without me, that she needs me, etc, but that if we stay together in a real marriage, she'll always be unhappy.

Did you tell her having a sham marriage, a "just friends" marriage would make you unhappy? ...and where is her empathy for you? Kick back to her that she is saying a real marriage is unacceptable to her. If you don't have a real marriage what is the point of staying together. The kids won't benefit from a situation like that and what would it teach them about marriage and commitment.

Her comments are all about "her" and her wants. She doesn't want to have sex with you, so what are you suppose do...go without the rest of your life, or be satisfied with your hand? for her it revolves around her, while she goes and makes herself happy with other guys and comes home to (in her mind) the perfect marriage with all the benefits for her and no sex freeing her from any responsibility to your marrage. Wow what a deal.

[This message edited by momentintime at 12:52 PM, March 23rd (Wednesday)]

It wasn't her birthday yesterday or tmrw. Today is not the other BS's birthday.

Both OM know that you know. Nice that your wife is helping them cover their asses and by extention her own. They have time and oppurtunity to prepare whatever bullshit story they want to protect themselves.

I keep wondering if you are protecting your wife from the fallout that will surely happen once the other BS's know.

You have given them plenty of time to prepare their defenses. I know you have proof but that is not a failsafe. Not in this mess.

It may be your choice to let the cheaters hang out together. But don't the other BS's have the right to make that decision for themselves?

Tell them.