SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

this is mind blowing!!!!!

1. They may not be "his" one and only. Many have 4..5..6 pen pals. Many of them are for the "companionship" and the "money". Nothing is funnier than to watch these women take their "visiting" day...and even a few have collided when his "schedule" gets mixed up!

2. Of course he can say wonderful things that build her esteem, after all, he does have 24 hours with nothing better to do.

3. Those sweet words he writes may not be his own...for the trade of a candy bar, I see these letters mass produced to woooo.

4. The percentage of these relations do not survive after prison. If he gains his freedom, why will he need her?

5. Many times these women become the "mules" into the facility..drugs, cell phones,etc. She'll end up with a record, then won't be able to visit at all. She'll be pushed aside for the next "love of his life".

She needs immediate counseling! I hope she gets it before she ruins the rest of her life.

In no defense for her, but it's the most vunerable female population that fall for a convict!

dad5 - I'm really sorry man. You are NOT being too paranoid. Protect the kids.

I grew up in a prison town. When I was in HS, there was a woman who got into a situation similar to your WW's. She had a family. When the guy got out, she changed her mind about going off with him. He killed the family. I know you're taking this seriously. Don't stop.

Hang in there brother.

this is not uncommon! I see it daily!

it SO is. it's a special brand of crazy. i lost a friend in college because her artistic, beautiful, intelligent, seemingly confident self blew off her BF (a closer friend of mine) to "be" with an inmate. he later got out, couch crashed, and was a total bum. she kicked him out and he stole all her stuff. she bought some of it back from local pawn shops.

unfortunately, the "break-up" with felonhead didn't happen until i was long gone so i never knew if she finished her return to sanity. after she fell for him, she was just too messed up to hang out with and gave up all her friends for this "thing."

so strange. i've heard of it a few times. dad5, you have nothing to be ashamed of, just a lot to be shocked by.

there is some freedom from being open about the reason your marriage dissolved and that it wasn't your fault but your wife's trip to crazytown.

((((dad5))))

As the others have said, listen to the lawyers, D and strike while the iron is hot as far as custody goes! Protect your kids and yourself from the drama that will come out as a result of W's A..

If someday after D she gets out of the fog and is remorseful. you will know it.

She will be able to prove her remorse with actions. With true remorse she would be thrilled to reenter your life with slow steps...

With true remorse she would be willing to take on any small role in your life that you give her, because she would be happy to be in your life period. She would not beg or demand to be back in M, or want things done her way..

In other words if she ever becomes remorseful and uncrazy, and you decide to reunite with her after D, for the kids sake and yours, it would be a good idea not to ever reunite with her in any legal way !

Hugs (((dadof5)))

WTF

I can't believe this. And I know some crazy shit can happen.

I was a cps in ny

Oh my goodness (((Dof5)))

This is insanity at its worst. Can you have attorney write in visitation restrictions, barring the children from being in his presence? And also barring the grandparents or anyone else from handing the kids over to visit with inmate??

I agree, I have heard about inmates having multiple "pen pal" relationships going and then try to get whatever they can from those people. Your wife is idiotically thinking she can "fix" this monster.

It sounds like you have your head on straight, get as much as you possibly can in the D papers in order to limit her parading the kids in to see this creep. I am so so sorry. Your wife sounds like she is ready for the nut farm. Take care.

After you have the divorce I would suggest telling those she works for what she's doing. I highly doubt they look fondly on starting 'romantic' relations with the inmates. That makes the work they do look bad.

I work within the Department of Corrections, and hate to say -- this is not uncommon! I see it daily! Women who involve themselves with prisoners do not realize that..

1. They may not be "his" one and only. Many have 4..5..6 pen pals. Many of them are for the "companionship" and the "money". Nothing is funnier than to watch these women take their "visiting" day...and even a few have collided when his "schedule" gets mixed up!

2. Of course he can say wonderful things that build her esteem, after all, he does have 24 hours with nothing better to do.

3. Those sweet words he writes may not be his own...for the trade of a candy bar, I see these letters mass produced to woooo.

4. The percentage of these relations do not survive after prison. If he gains his freedom, why will he need her?

5. Many times these women become the "mules" into the facility..drugs, cell phones,etc. She'll end up with a record, then won't be able to visit at all. She'll be pushed aside for the next "love of his life".

She needs immediate counseling! I hope she gets it before she ruins the rest of her life.

In no defense for her, but it's the most vunerable female population that fall for a convict!

Criminal defense attorney here. What Cookie said is spot on. This guy is using her for her connetions and money. He may have others, at the same time or serially.

He will use her until the money is gone and then move on.

Protect your finances and your kids finances. Her type will give every last penny to this guy.

I have been hired by women to get their jailbird boyfriends out. The woman picks him up at the prison and once he no longer needs the ride and money from her, he goes back to his real sweetie. It's often a scam with the guy and his wife against the woman.

I've had these women come into my office crying, wondering what went wrong.

One woman hired me to to get more than one guy out. Both dumped her after being released. I finally told her that, while I appreciated her business, she needed to look for her future husband somewhere besides the prisons.

So sorry for you and your family.

Not only do you owe it to your kids to protect them now but you also owe it to them to safeguard their future as well. If this POS is threatening to get his hands on half of the equity of your home then he's messing with their future.

I'd talk to a lawyer about tying up your equity and assets for as long as possible. Your wife is not capable of thinking rationally at the moment and her actions now are going to have a big impact on your kids' future.

I'd dig my heels in if I were you.

Be strong!

[This message edited by Makeshift at 11:43 AM, January 12th (Thursday)]

(((dad5))) Infidelity is horrific enough without having a felon involved! I can't even imagine what you're going through. Hugs to you.

OK, here's a reality check:

I don't think a judge is going to allow you to restrict access to your WW or her parents. However, what you CAN do is specify, in no uncertain terms, that your children have no contact via phone, letter, e-mail, smoke signals, personal visits with any incarcerated or paroled person. Have your attorney write it up that way. You can't control what your WW does, but you CAN clamp down on the kids being involved with ANY of this. And this would cover their time with the g-rents also.

That being said, have the attorney write up the MSA and you present it to your WW. If she agrees and signs, file a non-contested divorce and divvy up the stuff and tell her goodbye. However, as others have said, you have a limited window here. Act quickly, but prudently. Make sure the attorney knows that YOU are their client (i.e. do NOT hire a mediation attorney--hire your OWN ATTORNEY).

Couple of stories for you that will help you stay resolved:

My ex's OW #3 "fell in love" with someone in prison. He got out, they started robbing houses for a living and selling the proceeds on eBay. They were both caught and he was re-encarcerated; she served time as well.

My ex's OW #4, which whom he lived for several years, had a brother who was a convicted felon. He had contact with my children (I was unaware that this was going on). I get a call from the Phoenix AZ police department that they have arrested this individual and he had a NOTEBOOK with MY identity (including SSN) AS WELL AS THAT OF MY CHILDREN! He is serving time on this felony charge now.

The point I'm making is that make the object of your concern the children and understand how the court works. It is not a crime for your WW to be sallying about prisons. She's an adult (not acting like one) and can make her own decisions. What you DO want to specify in NO UNCERTAIN TERMS is that your children have ZERO exposure to any incarcerated or paroled individuals your WW may take up with. This will very likely be granted by a judge; supervised visitation would likely NOT.

Talk to your attorney--this is a sucky situation, but if you act now, you can create a safety wall around your kids, which is going to be very, very necessary.

Hang in there.

Cat

I would Work on getting her to terminate parental rights. Problem over.

I would Work on getting her to terminate parental rights. Problem over.

It's not that simple. For a parent to terminate their parental rights is a HUGE deal, and it is typically done in situations where 1.) the child is very young and 2.) there is a person acting already in the place of the surrendering parent that wishes to adopt the child. The oldest child in this scenario is 16! There is NO way that a judge is going to terminate parental rights in this case. Whatever whacked out Kool-aid this woman is drinking, she is STILL their parent!

It really makes me angry to see people recommending this. Where the focus should be in this instance is to protect the children from contact with the WW's criminal love interest(s). Yes, she's wildly off her rocker, but she is still the childrens' mother.

Same thing with supervised visitation. It's tough to get, and it is generally ONLY awarded in instances where the individual involved is addicted or otherwise handicapped in terms of not making sane and/or safe decisions with regards to parenting (i.e. someone who is mentally ill, for example).

The BEST chance this man has to get what he wants is to not try and act in a way that would be seen as punitive to his STBX. He SHOULD be acting to protect the children from her criminal love interests, and I'm sure that his attorney can write language in the agreement that will safeguard this. That would be the most prudent way to handle it, and if such language IS written into the agreement and it is violated, she can be brought up on contempt charges and there may be a stronger case for limited or supervised visitation should that happen.

Cat

So sorry about your situation & pain!!!

I just wanted to say my X was very willing to agree to all I wanted. I was so caught off guard that I was literally handwritting it in a notebook and had him sign it on the spot.

My attorney gave the same advice as the other posters, that once he would talk to friends/etc, he would change his tune. So he drafted up my "scribble" note immediately and got him to sign it before anything else was done.

Attorney said this was really backwards but since he was onboard to get it legal.

Good thing I did....he started back-pedaling a month later but it was too late. He already signed an agreement with me for who got what.

What I am saying is - you do not have to file first. If she is willing to sign something, you can get that part done now and then proceed with your filings.

My attorney literally turned it around immediately....I faxed the notepaper....he wrote it up...I picked it from the office and meet X at the notary.

BEST-THING-I-DID!!!!

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 1:53 PM, January 12th (Thursday)]

Just checking in to see if you have moved forward on the divorce.

I would like to think that as a physician, we could cure all illnesses. But in this case, you wife has already driven off the cliff. And I know the sad part for you is there was nothing you could have done. She threw away her soul for this insanity. Not you.

But as Catwoman and many many others have said - USE IT TO YOUR ADVANTAGE. Get everything you can in terms of the divorce and custody and go NC with her asap. The less you see and talk to her, the better. You will only go crazy dealing with insanity.