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My XH liked porn. No big deal right?

My XH went to strip clubs with the boys. No big deal right?

Then my XH started seeing prostitutes, hooking up with strangers from craigslist & horneymatches.com. Finally, he got a GF (a few) in the different towns he did business in. This way he always had a bed to land in when he was out of town. Mind you, this was all going on during our 16 year marriage and I didn't find out anything till the GF blew his cover.

So according to MC, he could have continued to go to the clubs and continued watching porn, as long as he warded off all the "bad" behavior that resulted in those actions!

I guess it is reasonable if she was dealing with someone who "gets it". My XH is also in the same industry as yours. He never got it.

Have you considered a 2nd opinion or maybe seeing someone else individually?

[This message edited by LisaP at 7:36 PM, July 23rd (Monday)]

Here is a suggestion.

Before you go to the MC again, print out this question and all of the responses to show the MC. After reading, I would hope that the MC will change her mind on the subject. If not, I would seek another MC. GIving your H a golden ticket to revel in the sex trade environment, after having had an indiscretion there in the past, is incomprehensible to me.

As others have said, I'd find a new MC.

I'd also get yourself and IC, read "Boundaries in Marriage" (or just plain boundaries) by cloud and Townsend and deliver.

You need to have boundaries about what you will and will not tolerate in your marriage. It doesn't matter who else likes them or doesn't like them.

Boundaries are about keeping you emotionally, mentally, and physically healthy.

FWIW, my husband has poor boundaries with women (he's a recovering SA). His brother is still single, and it's very popular to do a bachelor party at a high end strip joint in Vegas. My husband can choose to attend, or not, when the time comes for my BIL to have his bachelor's party. My H is an adult. However, if he chooses to go, he knows that I won't tolerate the behavior.

I've been through hell and back once. I see no need to make the trip again and put myself through all that pain just for my husband who makes decisions that do not benefit our marriage.

I don't see strip clubs as safe for FWSes.

I was a road warrior manager for a large consultancy. Except for one time, I was far enough from the top of the totem pole to avoid taking clients to strip clubs. The one time I was the guy, I refused, and the client gave me a bad review because of it.

The clients I saw who wanted to go to strip clubs were real sleaze bags. If I were going to be on the spot to host, I'd find another job - not because I object to strip clubs, but becasue I just don't want to spend my time with sleaze bags like the ones I saw.

But I got my kicks from getting projects done, not from sales and massaging clients. If your H gets his kicks from sales and marketing, leaving his job would be a big loss for him, emotionally as well as financially.

So I think he may need to go to strip clubs. But he doesn't need to slip $ into g-strings. (Hell, he'd probably get more poinst with the sleaze bags if he gave them the $ so they could touch the stripper.) He doesn't need to get lap dances. He doesn't need to go to VIP rooms. All he has to do is pay.

So I think he may need to go to strip clubs. But he doesn't need to slip $ into g-strings. (Hell, he'd probably get more poinst with the sleaze bags if he gave them the $ so they could touch the stripper.) He doesn't need to get lap dances. He doesn't need to go to VIP rooms. All he has to do is pay.

He doesn't need to be married either.

I'm sorry but if my H needed to go to strip clubs for his job...he could find another job or another wife.

[This message edited by coastofsomewhere at 11:09 AM, July 24th (Tuesday)]