Update:
Last I posted, I forwarded all information I had regarding the OM to his in-laws. I know, at some point they confronted him with the evidence.
Last summer, the two of us were invited to CA for a wedding. We live on the east coast. My MIL, opted to pay for her plane ticket and other expenses, but excluded me. Someone, needed to watch the kids.
In the wake of her affair, two months discovery day, while attending our son and daughter's combined birthdays my MIL was discussing this trip. When we left, I said to her, "I just found your relationship with all of the ugliness. You're seriously not going, are you?" At that point, it was a struggle to go more than 4-6 hours without hearing, or seeing her. I couldn't imagine not seeing or hearing from her for a week. It was much to soon and fresh at the time and it brought the grief so easily out of me. At first, she hesitated, we argued for about an hour, not very long and she said, "Okay, I won't go."
Honestly, I banished the thought from my mind. I never considered it again. I was in the pre Discovery Day mind set of simply believing my wife at face value, "You say you aren't going, well okay, you aren't going."
March, turned to April. I asked her to be transparent with me. I asked her to be honest with me about what she was doing with the OM. I knew, early on in our relationship 15 years ago, she was very conversational about past relationships. I didn't have to dig, or pry for the details surrounding their relationship. However when it came to the OM, it was always very brief...or yes or no. Mostly, lots, and lots of no's... In fact, I can only think of one or two yeses compared to the abundance of no-s.
Her tablet was broken for over a year, and we got the money to fix it. When it came back from the manufacturer she synched it with her email and other accounts. In April we went to my MIL for Easter. We were having brunch with her mom, and some of her distant relatives. She wanted to show her mother some pictures and turned on the tablet. Our kids, were eager to play games on the tablet and ran behind us and were standing directly behind me as if they were carnivores stalking live prey as they wanted to be the first to play games.
As my wife scrolled pictures to find the certain image she wanted her mom to see, out of the corner of my eye, I saw very, graphic images. Though, I found a few pictures on New Years Eve..(These were taken during the affair. I discovered them about a month after D-Day)...these new images were far more graphic. She jumped up and ran out of the dinning room. I followed after her with this, "WTH?" I asked you to please tell me everything you did. This way, it would've prepared me for the shock and awe moment seeing you in these images. You were dressed in provactive, lingerie and you have refused over the years to wear them for me. She told me she didn't tell me about them because she never sent them. She was very self-conscious about her body image in the pictures. I could tell by the time stamps that after the more graphic images, there were no more pictures taken. For whatever reason they were auto saved. I guess, I don't know if pics are just auto saved on Gmail or if they are auto saved if you transmit them to social media or emails. It was important to me to believe she never sent the full frontal nudity pics out. I wanted to hold onto as much as possible that was for my eyes only. Perhaps I am wrong? Perhaps this is another lie? I mean, if you take a pic, but don't send it, is the pic automatically backed up or do you have to send it. If I take a picture with my camera phone of my dog scratching himself but never send it, would Gmail, just save the pic already? Or, would I have to post the pic on social media, or emal it to someone?
I picked myself up off the ground. She told me that was all and we moved on. IN April, I went back to work, of sorts. I am a car salesman by trade and GM is falling apart due to the many recalls and it killed business. I struggled to keep my head in the game. I was hurting very badly inside and the depression was and is severe. But, I managed to commute 1,500 miles every two weeks for work (We live in a rural city and the economy is very bad here. There are only 4 car lots and none of them were hiring so I had to drive 80 miles one way to work, but it felt good to be providing once more and working to put the parts back inside of myself)
I remained, optimistic we can overcome this. I had my bouts of jealousy, doubts she is lying to me because it doesn't feel natural..the story of how the truth is to her... but I am tired of busted families. I grew up in one, and my first marriage went the way of infidelity.
A few weeks ago, I saw the writing on the wall. I had a good July, I sold 7 units and made some coin. In August, hero-to-zero. I sold, 1 unit. You can't keep your job performing like that. I knew, I would need to find a new store, and I just didn't care for GM. One afternoon, shortly before my birthday on Aug. 21 I was texting her about cutting my losses and leaving the GM store and find perhaps an import, good fuel mileage, and affordable car..blah blah...normal, everyday banter.
She replies, "You can take a week off and rest while I am gone to CA."
I paused, "What? You told me you weren't going to go?!? You told me you would tell your mom, 6 months ago, you weren't going to go?!?" "WTH am I supposed to do with the kids?!? We don't know anyone in this crummy city except 1, 18 year old kid who doesn't drive and is only fit to watch the kids while we go out to dinner for a couple of hours or maybe 1 or 2 days during summer vacation. She isn't fit for the task... I am not going to be away over 80 miles away in a city where we have no family, and no friends, and you in CA and the kids by themselves. Someone, we know, or family need to have immediate access in the case of an emergency. It takes me 90 minutes to get back to the city. (We are planning on moving at the beginning of the new year back home and out of this city I moved to last summer for work that never materialized)
No answer, other than, "Sorry"
She hid this from me. She had every intention on going. Her desire, is a very reasonable one. I know she is going with her sister and mother. Her father passed away very suddenly in 07 and she misses him. That's the problem with affairs... the husband, that loves her wants this for her. But, this fractured, wounded OMG WTH did you do, side of me wants her home with the kids and me.
I am deeply worried she thought this was a good idea to keep this from me. I am worried, she can sleep and look at me in the eyes living like this. All she says is she's sorry. She on a few occasions attempted to call her mom and cancel. Once her mom got pissed at her because she is out $450 for a plane ticket. But, I told her to not bother. I was like, "What's the point?" I shouldn't have to brow beat you to do the right thing, be honest, transparent with me or live up to the things you say you're going to do. I asked you to be honest, you haven't. I asked you to have no further contact with the OM, and you didn't.
She was planning on making child care aggaingments without my knowledge. She says she is going to go to counseling once we get settled back home and she can have a long term relationship with the counselor. I've asked her to have an accountability partner, someone that's a friend to the marriage, someone that would maintain her confidence, and someone wise, she respects. We agreed on a pastor friend's wife we've known for about 6 years. Over the couple of weeks before the trip, when I asked her if she made contact she hadn't. Out of the blue, my friend's wife, just touched base with her through F.b. (The pastor and his wife are aware of what happened up until the end of Dec. This other stuff, they are unaware of. I sent my friend an email this morning because I am home alone with no one to talk to for the next week. The kids go to school and I am home alone. I will clean house, write on my book, and watch some television, walk the dog and get some air).
I guess, I am just writing, to vent. I know the answer to my question without asking. My heart aches. She isn't sorry. She isn't empathetic and remains in denial. She doesn't seem committed and only pays lip service to it when the lifting is needed, like deny herself a trip. Admit to what she was doing, when no one was looking, remain accountable to myself and people who genuinely love her and would give her honest advice.
