The advice here has been timely and spot on. The affair, went underground.
As I last posted, I was granted access to her facebook. This is where she spent her time, with the 3 individuals.
The first individual, has been in and out of my radar since 2007. He was a childhood friend, and stood in on my wedding after my brother missed. In March 2007, we buried her father. He was at the wedding. They had a childhood infatuation growing up that bubbled over into adulthood and they had a chance to have a relationship before I met her. In May 2007, he wrote her an email and said he loved her. I found this email by accident while paying bills... I went to her and she promised to not talk to him anymore.
In the fall of 2008, they reconnected on F.B. and she maintained a friendship with him through casual posts and an occasional messages. It was a year later, I discovered him and found the messages. Again, I asked her to keep him away...she said okay, and of course, a year later, he was there.... At that point, from what I know, she got rid of him.
During our "mock" seperation, in November, when she was telling everyone we were through. This individual was once more on her F.B. wall. This was man #1.
The second man, whom I was orginially concerned about...was in actuality the least of my concerns. This was a stalker friend of hers again from childhood. From the spring of 2012 until last month, he sent her routine messages. Rarely did she respond to them. I asked her to remove him, and she refused or gaslighted me and told me he was the least of our problems in life,(in hindsight, I didn't know what gaslighting was...I have since, become a student of the ploy). I was never really bothered by this person moreover at the behavior. I couldn't for the life of me understand why she kept him around (Again, love is blind..though we see...we can't see until it hits us in the face with a 2x4)..... When I finally got access to her facebook messages and pulled back the door to what was going on to a degree, all of her messages to him were marginally upsetting. She unfriended and blocked him without blinking an eye. She has shared with me, "he was getting on my nerves." If she met the guy on the street, I know she wouldn't have given him a second look.
The issue I have learned about man number two, it blinded me to the real problem, man number 3.
This individual was a summer fling when she was a teenager during a rather happy time in her life. A year later, she would become a teen mom and would have almost no support from family or friends and really struggled to do it on her own.
He is deployed overseas.
On the day of discovery, she sent him a message on F.B and told him have no more contact with her. She blocked him.
I saw the counselor. I updated here, I had access to her f.b..... I was advised here, "it will go underground..."
Over the month I would ask her, "Hey, soldier boy is a man...men like pictures...did you send any pictures of you?" "What was the nature of this? Did you have feelings?" "Are you in contact with him?"
The answers...No/no/no/no.
Yesterday, she left her phone behind by accident and well..what a day it was. Man number 1 called her 3 times alone. He even left a message, "Hey babe...I'm thinking of you."
Man number 3, the affair was indeed underground. She sent nude pictures of herself to him on her birthday. (no wonder, she didn't want to get a cake and celebrate it with the kids and I). He sent her a scathing email several days after he blocked her...upset she blocked him. She "owed" him an explanation apparently as I read that message. She frantically responded back to him over the course of several days... "Please don't be mad at me. I love you. He made me do it. Couldn't you tell...I am here for the kids..." blah blah. She even emailed him on Christmas Day after we opened presents with the kids....
All of these men, were online or phone. None of them live in the area. I have at this time, her phone. With it I have access to all of her emails, messages.everything. On Monday, I see the counselor.
Of course she says, this was her only affair. I don't consdier the other two an affair compared to this. These guys, simply helped her get close to that line.
I feel strong actually. Knowing, helps. I am not crazy. I knew, something was wrong. Thank You for telling me it would go underground, because it did.