SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

This is an awesome thread, unfortunately I have nothing to add........yet.

Thanks so much for the guffaws!

I found a note that ow had written to wh, thanking him for the book he had gotten her for her birthday. I told him her birthday was several months ago, and he should get her a new one, as she had probably finished coloring it in by now.

TA

@TooAloof - OMG!!

Not really a zinger but before WH knew that I knew, I told him my sister and brother in law were fighting (they always fight) because she discovered he listed a female coworker under a different name and that he had deleted texts and been flirty with the girl. My husband was like "he's so busted..he has to be cheating". i kept asking him questions like "the only reason he'd use a different contact name for her is if he's doing something wrong, right". He was like yes! He's totally hiding something! Then the color left his face...he realized I was talking about him but wasn't 100% sure. He started trying to back peddle. I got him so good!!!

I had two. One is very nasty but very deserved. My exWso, (shortly after finally admitting to the A that I damn well KNEW had happened, despite them trying to convince me I was mental) was arrested and charged for having a sexual relationship with a 13 year old when he was 30 years old. Of course, he lied, blame shifted, used all his clever, sociopathic, abusive tricks on me to make me too afraid of disagreeing with him.....obviously he went to jail and it took about ten seconds after he was sentenced for it all to hit me and all his nasty snares and traps he set for me and the kids to just disappear. When he called me from jail to once again tell me he would kill himself if I wouldn't be there for him on release, he also told me the affair had been my fault for being so naive, and I shouldn't have been so desperate to believe he was not a sex offender. I replied "you're right. Of course you are. I should have known from OW's scrawny, flat chested body and her mouthful of braces.....the pigtails in her hair and her obsession with jigsaw puzzles that you liked to do kids." That was nasty but deserved.

The other time, when he was TTing me and refusing to get an Sti check done, he said "no, I'm not having some random sticking some filthy thing into my private parts!" I said "it's such a shame your OW's don't have the same morals."

The OM kept testing my patience by trying to break NC with my WW. I emailed him directly (and CCed his wife) and told him that if he didn't stop trying to reach out to my wife I could recommend him a good dentist.

I also told him I thought he was a c%&$, but on second thoughts, that he lacked depth and warmth.

I've loved reading these and dream of the opportunity to use some of them.

Thanks for the giggles x

A couple weeks after I moved out of the cheater's house, I happened to see a cartoon on Facebook that was perfect!

I sent it to him via email.

It was a picture of a homely woman and the title said, "Congratulations on your downgrade - she's one HELL of a 5!"

Hee hee!

Had yet again another argument about the just found out-long ago affair yesterday.

It started with me saying that I could not believe after the first time she was able to come home to our daughter and me and not break down crying and begging forgiveness.

We continued along those lines and I added that it was probably also pretty easy for her to send me off to my graveyard shift at a pretty dangerous job in those days:

"Be careful, don't get killed. If you do, though, I've got a back up plan."

This was followed by about 3 hours of silence, then more tears.

I don't know if it was a zinger, but it certainly got wh attention.

"You underestimated me."

Then I told him I had contacted a lawyer.

there were many but several spring to mind:

1. he was talking about how poor widdle OW had a H that didn't appreciate her:

Him: He doesn't know what he has

Me: You're right. He should get tested so he can get the appropriate antibiotic

2. when he was (unsuccessfully ) trying to get me to drop the AA lawsuit:

Me: She (OW) doesn't have a leg to stand on-which is probably why she spends so much time on her back

3. After DD #1-he's a supervisor giving employee evaluations

Him: I hate when HR blocks someone's raise. They (employee) are penalized for something they weren't told was wrong and couldn't correct

Me: Yes-I know how they feel. I was tried and convicted in secret by you and OW. I wasn't told that anything was wrong and was fired after 25 years

A light seemed to go on-but alas, it must have been the glow from another dying brain cell

4. Him: She's a good and religious person

Me: and she never heard of the 10 commandments? Or did she take them for suggestions?

5. After I found out OW had hired a smarmy stupid lawyer:

Me: yes he has lots of courtroom experience-as a defendant! (sadly true)

[This message edited by trumanshow at 8:03 AM, December 28th (Saturday)]

"By. The. Way. I owe Shrek an apology."

He didn't dare say anything, just looked at me like an idiot.

So I continued,

"With the way she goes on and on about you being the best lover she EVER had, she apparently hasn't slept around anywhere near as much as I assumed she had!"

Fantastic - truly!!

I had filed for divorce and was waiting for the sheriff to serve her, but it seemed like she was never in one place very long. I sat at home with my son on new years, she was out all night partying. So when she came home at 6 am I called the sheriff, they came with papers an hour later. I went upstairs and woke her up.

"Something is wrong with your boyfriend."

"What are you talking about."

"Look, i dont know, there just some guy saying there was an accident or something."

She jumped out of bed and ran to the kitchen.

"What is this?"

"Ma'am im here to serve you divorce papers."

She turned and looked at me, "you lied to me!"

I just said, "happy new year"

^^^^^^^^^^^ ^^^^^^^^^^^^^

She turned and looked at me, "you lied to me!"

Many of these have made me lol, too many to list. Witty bunch of people here!

I don't think this is a zinger -- but it made WH scratch his head . . .

OW is an RN in the post-partum wing of a hospital. When I asked my WH if they used protection, he was honest and said no. I asked if he would get checked for STDs. He said, "I don't need to. She has to get tested for her job and she's clean." I stated: "The only reason she would need to get tested for STDs for her job is if she is fucking her patient's husbands."

He really thought she was tested for STDs to keep her job!!!!!!!!

He said one of his new coworkers looked like trailer trash, so I didn't need to worry. I said "have you seen the whores you fucked, cause I sure have, the bar is pretty low."

I'm sorry..did you have to get up off your knees to answer the phone?

Oh I WISH I had used this one! It would have been so appropriate!

Fortunately (for her), I have never met the OW.

However, I have had the chance to comment on her when WH has extolled her attributes.

Example 1

WH: She's dated athletes, actors and celebrities

Me: That just means she has f*cked a lot of guys.

Example 2

Me: Why did you keep losing your ring?

WH: OW thought it was a sign of disrespect to her that I wore my wedding ring when out with her, so I took it off. She did not want to be seen in public with a married man…she was worried about her reputation.

Me: Here's a hint: If you are worried about your reputation, don't date a married man.

Me: What do you think about that?

WH: It's a bit ironic, yes.

Example 3:

Me: What did OW say when you told her I knew about everything?

WH: She asked me why I told you. She was worried about her reputation.

Me: She sounds like a real humanitarian. She's not concerned about your life imploding, your kids' lives, your career or reputation. She is concerned only with how - if this gets out - this makes HER look. When she was asking you to move in with her, did she think no one would ever figure it out? "Hey WH, what happened to that person you were legally married to for 12 years? What happened to your kids?" Did she think you would never see your kids again? She did not think she - as the person you would be living with - would have to be a part of their lives or that they would not figure out what happened? She could just pick and choose what aspects of reality she wanted to deal with?

Example 4

(in marriage counselor's office soon after he confessed)

Me: She isn't pregnant is she? I'm not going to find a dead rabbit on the patio grill, am I?

WH: No, OW isn't "like that."

Me: How do you know she isn't pregnant?

WH: She would tell me.

Me: Yeah…she's a real honest one, isn't she? In a 2+ year relationship with a MM.

ETA:

Example 5

(as the fog was lifting and he was beginning to talk about some of the negative things about OW's character)

WH: She made fun of me for being a married man with kids living in the suburbs.

Me: Did she not know you were married?

WH: She knew from the beginning

Me: Then she's obviously an idiot. What does that say about her - making fun of someone she is dating, someone she CHOSE to be with in spite of the things she is mocking him for?

[This message edited by womaninflux at 11:41 AM, December 28th (Saturday)]

On previous divorce settlement...

Me: That's the f%#king you get for the f%#king you got...