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Sorry seethelight, not trying to make light of your post.

I understand that feeling of knowing there is more but just not being able to find the proof.

We always want so badly to believe their stories.

Hugs

[This message edited by EvenKeel at 3:39 PM, June 25th (Wednesday)]

....went grocery shopping with my girls yesterday. I wisked them through the produce section!!!! Am appalled that bananas are on on display "naked"...and in the middle of the produce section!!!!! Would it kill them to provide paper bags instead of the clear ones?!?!? Oh, the humanity!!!!

Thanks a lot SI.....like I need MORE things to process and protect our girls from!?!?!?

I, too, am sorry for what sparked this thread but am grateful for some humor mixed in with this. Good to see around the pain sometimes.....

yes, I know its healthy to process the pain...but its kinda cool to peek around it to see that the whole world isnt pain.

God is with us all.

[This message edited by blakesteele at 7:27 AM, June 25th (Wednesday)]

Sigh. This is embarrassing to admit, but I did once

I'll raise my hand too. And more than once for masturbation purposes. Two very specific circumstances. First on long solo car trips. After hours alone with my thoughts, I can get aroused daydreaming so I pick up a rubber in the gas station bathroom and use it in the car. It's a fantasy of mine...sex in the car. The other times it was just as a "change up" doing it for no other reason than a different sensation. As with anything, this is my experience only. And it sounds like I'm in the vast minority.

Last time i did though was when I was 28 or so. My sex drive has gone down since then and I don't get randomly aroused much anymore.

As for the lap dance? I can't say I have but I would think if a dude didn't want to get any pre-seminal fluid on his drawers, he might.

None of this discounts the fact that your man is lying, but there is at least one guy (me) who has done it and was nowhere close to cheating, nor was I a SA. Having said that, if my FWW had found a condom, I imagine she would have a very difficult time believing my excuse.

I should also note that if I bought a condom it would be spur of the moment thing and I'd use it soon. Never bought a multi-pack and kept them in the glove box.

My husband claimed the same thing. I actually found them a year or so before the A and he said that. So when I found them again post-A it made me very suspicious, but I remembered that explanation and thought maybe??? I have tried so many ways to get my husband to admit to a PA, but I just do not think it happened. The condoms he had were not lubricated making me think maybe he is being truthful. IDK.

Selfish husband, lost samurai, Mind Monkey and Jendo.

Thanks for your input. Your input was different and food for thought.

Jendo:

The condoms I found were also the non-lubricated kind.

It's just that after being blindsided and duped by a LTA, it's difficult to believe anything he says.

And, that is one of the very sad consequences of an affair.

STill, this thread did introduce some much needed comic relief into the entire situation.

MY husband said that after the affair was outed he felt like a buffoon and fool and a caricature of himself. There was some gossip about it in the town, albeit not provable and he said the gossip made him feel embarrassed.

So who knows. Maybe his explanation is just gooney enough to be true.

[This message edited by seethelight at 9:37 AM, June 25th (Wednesday)]

Nope never heard of this. This could get real expensive!!

Hope I am not too late to the party

Maybe some people do that but in my mind wearing a raincoat to the beach on a sunny day to play in the water makes absolutely no sense to me.

Just saying.

the non-lubricated kind

it's been a while since I bought condoms so someone correct me if I am wrong but I am pretty sure the non-lubricated condoms are the cheapest.

If your WH purchased condoms and does not use them with you then he IS using them with someone else or was intending to use them with someone else and it fell through. Either way it's a Godzilla sized red flag. If it was indeed innocent then he would have purchased the condoms in front of you or told you about them. They wouldn't be hidden.

[This message edited by 7yrsflushed at 9:44 AM, June 25th (Wednesday)]

..'some guys might.'.. then again some guys use them for party balloons!

..or they can fill them with drugs and stick them...???? well, you know

..i'll bet guys can come up with a thousand uses for a condom..

..secure a radiator hose in a '57 Chevy..

..mans' imagination IS amazing..

smy

Nope never heard of this. This could get real expensive!!

Herewego62:

Well, the sad thing is that my husband never really had a very high sex drive. I think in the early years I was more interested in sex than he was.

So, I don't think he needed to masturbate too often.

Even when we dated, he had a low sex drive. I did not care because she seemed like such an honest loyal sort of guy, and those were the qualities that were important to me.

Truly, if he had erectile dysfunction and couldn't do it at all, I would have remained faithful because sex is not the major factor in a marriage, in my mind.

Well, what do you know, it must be in the cheater handbook as my ex used this same excuse when I found a condom in his car that wasn't our normal kind.

Even if he WAS giving himself a quickie on the way to work, why wouldn't he just use the kind we already had tons of?!?

Lying bastard..

But I posed this question to my gay best friend yesterday, so here's your "male" response: He said he's done it before in the car, and that dudes who like lube might use a condom to make it slippery.. But usually when they want lube, it's to use on another person, not themselves..

I totally agree with LS. If you never caught him doing this before, it's a lie.

And yeah, small consolation, but if he's been getting back-room lap dances, maybe I'll be glad he brought a condom to protect himself, which men should be wearing for handy j's and oral sex too if they don't want to bring home an STI..

Butterfly:

I am inclined to think his excuse is a possibility but the a higher probability is that it was a lie, given his affair.

I have only been anonymously alerted to one affair, but my gut tells me their were more, or at the very least he was going to strip clubs and doing inappropriate things, during our entire marriage.

He often claimed to have to work late, but there was no increase in his salary that would suggest overtime pay. So???????

^^^ Count me as another naive wife who believed his "overtime" excuse without ever looking at the actual number of hours on his paychecks..

I guess they didn't reimburse him for fucking his coworker in the moving vans in the parking lot.

And I was oh so lucky because "OWhore can't get pregnant," so he said they didn't really "need" condoms. Those pieces of shit are lucky my tests have been coming back clean.