SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

As I mentioned in a forgoing post, “I was the foster kid.” Alcohol destroyed my biological home. After my young, dumb and I don’t give a crap teen years I realized I was heading down the same path as them. I made the decision to not have any drugs or alcohol in my life.

I mean no offence to any that are here but I’m lmao. They have this thing of meeting others where they are at. I know where I’m at, what I want is to think, be challenged and grow. I want a little sandpaper in my life. Meeting me where I’m at is a waste of my time.

I'm going to be presumptuous with my response, t2g. None of this may fit and I may fall squarely in the category of blooming idiots. If so, just disregard.

I highly suspect your normal coping skills are not going to serve you well as you find your path through this whole process. They may get you through the day but that doesn't mean that they are going to move you forward. Yes, some things we can overcome...they actually push us forward (ie, biological family & drugs). But some things actually hold us in place until we see/acknowledge what we are to learn/how we are to grow. It's here that we see the things that we can see no other way - where we do our soul work.

Losing your brother as such is not just a loss - requiring the navigation of the acceptance process of grief turning to fond memories. Because of the nature of both the likely before issues and now the resulting after issues, there's now many more elements to the acceptance process - most of which are going to involve very conflicting emotions. Not just toward him but also toward yourself. This is not something that you just rise above. This is one of those things that holds you down.

You need a counselor.

This is a dark process.

A good counselor won't forge the path and encourage you to follow. A good counselor will simply hold your lantern - so that you can find your own way.

Please find one. This is too much to do alone. I, personally, don't think a support group is going to be a good fit for you just yet.

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I have no doubt that your brother was not all of any one thing so I can absolutely understand how confusing all of this has to be.

(((time2grow)))

yearsofpain25 -

Any thoughts about reaching out again?

After this experience, I have no intentions of looking again.

friends IRL.

I have some that I've been spending more time with. Yes, I am getting out more. Don’t always like it but I’m doing it.

truthsetmefree - Nice bait, I’ll bite this time.

I highly suspect your normal coping skills are not going to serve you well as you find your path through this whole process.

I’ll be finding some that I can learn to live without. Replacing them is when I need to look at others experience. What worked for them and what am I being led to do. I have run into this a few times over the years, just because I think it’s right doesn’t always mean it is nor is it always best. For me its a good idea to find someone with a similar experience and talk to them.

some things actually hold us in place until we see/acknowledge what we are to learn/how we are to grow. It's here that we see the things that we can see no other way - where we do our soul work.

When the pain is great enough, I become willing. In my willingness, I learn to accept. In my acceptance, I am humbled and have a better understanding of true love and unselfishness.

This is a dark process.

Yes it is.

I mean no offence to any that are here but I’m lmao. They have this thing of meeting others where they are at. I know where I’m at, what I want is to think, be challenged and grow. I want a little sandpaper in my life. Meeting me where I’m at is a waste of my time.

I understand. I switched ICs last year because mine wasn't challenging me enough. I needed a higher "grit" than she was giving me, and I ended up with diamond grit.

That said, I know counseling isn't for everyone. Not trying to push you to that if it isn't something you would do.

Seems like the peer support model (what I consider SI to be) is something you're more open to. There are online communities for survivors of suicide as well as in-person ones. Not pushing - just throwing it out there.

I am so sorry for your loss. ((((T2g)))))

This kind of loss is traumatic. Be kind to yourself.