SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

The crying? Sounds like he wanted to get you off the topic and onto feeling like you were in the wrong for upsetting him. I don't do tears in an argument, to me they usually are people trying to get out of the issue/topic of conversation.

The crying? A last ditch effort for you to believe him. He's a pulling his last card.

His being defensive is a BIG HUGE red flag.

..and really..unless he’s 5 years old – he’s knows exactly what he’s doing and he’s acting like a dummy. He’s acting like you’re the “mommy” and you’re supposed to tell him what’s wrong and what’s right. Believe me, he KNOWS. My 57 yr old husband tried the dummy act too – he had me doubting myself too.

I don’t care if the woman is 60 or 160 – no golf dates unless you’re included.

It blows me away when a former wayward seems surprised this could be an issue.

Umm, no way. Forget nine holes. If my FWW ever considered any alone time with another guy, she would not like my response. If she doesn't like that, she can file. I wish I made this rule after her first A.

The crying reminds me of an episode of some cold case show I just watched. Every time the police asked the suspect a question, he would cry hysterically and manage to avoid ever actually answering the question. The investigators called it "strategic crying."

Everything about this scenario appears strategic and planned. And your husband wouldn't be the first one to act incredulous that you could even have a suspicion and your "friend" wouldn't be the first "friend" to get a charge out of her secret "friendship" with said husband. I don't believe your gut would be screaming if there were nothing to worry about here.

The investigators called it "strategic crying."

Exactly. (I think Oscar Pistorius may have been trying the same strategy.)

Update:

So since Saturday and the big blow out I decided to lay low (or try) and just watch and check into things. As I mentioned earlier I have access to everything as far as computer, cell phone and bank accounts and I found nothing unusual except for the 6 texts back and forth from the day before. Otherwise nothing.

The next day was strange as he was trying to act like nothing happened, was hovering over me willing to do anything I wanted. I had to go into work for a couple of hours on Sunday and he kept calling me for small little things. He has not talked about it and is probably happy that I seem to not be talking about it. But he can see that this really threw everything out of kilter for us.

When I am on my own I imagine he is the smartest, stealthiest cake eating WS out there. His image at home however is of someone who wants to be here, who comes home early, who will do anything I ask, who seems truly sincere.

I then switch to thinking he is just stupid and truly did not think there was anything wrong with what he did. Except at the end of the day he lied to me, has not fully admitted he lied to me, sort of admitted to some although will not admit that it was planned. Keeps saying "they just decided" to play 9 holes that afternoon.

Quite honestly I have no clue what he did or if he even played golf, how would I know? I don't know what is true or not true. I do know he was outside that day as he came home with his face sunburned, so whatever he did it was outside. Could have been golf, could have gone to the beach for all I know.

So there is where the mind goes..... in all directions.

And I think it is the uncertainty that I would find most disturbing, ... and ultimately most destructive?

If I can't feel some baseline of trust when I am away then I don't have relationship, I have a job that I don't want (and would have to quit eventually for my own sanity).

I'm so sorry. I hope his future actions clarify things for you so you don't feeling endlessly off-balance and fearful and suspicious.

Sorry, but after the A, my husband is NOT allowed to have female friends, much less spend time with them alone. I don't care what he's doing, that would NOT be ok with me.