SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I would think it's less a "dupe for money" thing than what my WH experienced--a stupid OW who convinced herself that they were star-crossed lovers kept apart 'lo those many years by Fate and distance. And she thought the A represented a long-awaited reunion. Never mind neither of them had probably had ten thoughts about the other in the intervening 2 decades; the power of delusion is astounding.

"Our" OW wouldn't dupe for $$, but she did want WH. (Never mind she was married; crazy know no bounds.)

My point is that many a faux pregnancy has been created to cause relationships to end and WSs to be roped in.

She needs to be disabused of this notion. If you have not already, next time she texts or calls, let her know that all communication will now go through your attorney and hers. That may put an abrupt end to the charade. But if she is pregnant, it will give all--including the innocent baby---necessary protection.

Lots of good luck and positive thoughts to you.

Solus

sto

My feeling deep down is that it is not a money grab. What you described is EXACTLY what happened between me and OW. I made the mistake of telling her how much of a crush I had on her in HS. The crush isn't really there anymore.......but somehow we slept together :(.

We were both deluded. I really am disappointed in myself. Depression has been creeping up on me. My BGF is the best r.ship i've ever been in and it is about to go up in flames.

I have cut all contact with OW.

Thank you so much for the positive thoughts.

Onward

I agree with others here - something about this doesn't sit right. First, the fact that you called the doctor's office and were patched right through to the doctor? If you actually did speak to a doctor that quickly, please let us know this doctor's name. I have to wait a couple of hours just to get a nurse to call me back. There is nothing saying that OW doesn't have a friend working in this office that would be more than happy to go along with saying 'Congrats' to you on the phone.

Second - telling you a woman is pregnant. This isn't your wife, and even if it was, the privacy laws here are fairly strict. Giving you a large piece of information, such as a pregnancy, over the phone is very surprising.

Ok so all contact with OW has been cut. Though she agreed I can feel the tension as she asked about the costs for her next OB/GYN visit and vitamins (we agreed to share).

Don't pay this woman a dime directly. All payments (if this is in fact a real pregnancy) should go from you to the physician's office. Absolutely NO funds directly to OW.

Per this thread, OW had her first OB visit at 10.5 weeks, and she's now 11 weeks. How long ago did she inform you that she may be pregnant? Or did she wait until after this appointment to tell you? Most women (don't want to say everyone, but imo, everyone) do a home pregnancy test first before even making a Dr appt. Did she tell you about this, or did she wait until after the Dr appt to even mention this.

If you don't mind, can you please be specific regarding the discussion about you calling the DR office? For example, did it go like this:

OW: I'm pregnant, 10.5 weeks. I just had my first DR appt

YOU: Is it mine?

OW: Yes. I'm keeping it.

YOU: ???

OW: I would like you to pay for half of the costs during the pregnancy for Dr appts, vitamins, etc.

YOU: OK. What is the name of the Dr?

OW: Dr. X. Here is her phone number if you have any questions.

How this happened is important honestly.

Waiting until nearly 3 months along to tell you is VERY suspicious. Before telling you she was pregnant, what did OW do that leads you to believe that this might be a play for you? Were you in contact the entire 10.5 weeks, or was it a ONS, you didn't speak again until she let you know she was pregnant, etc?

I know your focus in on your BGF, but before telling GF that there is a child on the way, I would be certain that there is in fact a child on the way, and that it is in fact yours.

You also mentioned you saw 'pictures'. I assume you saw ultrasound pictures. At 11 weeks, there would be pictures available. Generally, there is other information on the pictures - dates, times, etc. What information was on the images you saw? In what form did you see them? Online sign in to patient account? Forwarded via email?

painfulpast

An office attendant pick up the phone at 1st. I had called initially to set her appointment. After about a 5 min wait the doctor came on the phone and asked who I was. She confirmed the pregnancy but said she couldn't give any more details. All you said about OW having a friend could well possibly be true. I was surprised the doc actually spoke to me (I'm guessing OW told the doc we are in a r.ship and might have informed her that I would call).

In terms of payment, that was the plan all along (to pay the doc directly).I was informed of her pregnancy pretty early on. As I've said we have been texting daily, with a phone call every other week or so.

I was told about the results of the home test, then told about the initial visit to her GP and also the HCG confirmation (all verbal). So I was pretty much in the 'loop' from the beginning. Honestly, I was waiting for better confirmation before I started to take this serious....but here we are. BGF now has to know about this :(

Nah she didn't wait until 3 months, I've been pretty much aware of whats going on (verbally).

I had asked for ultrasound pics....but haven't gotten them yet. The recent pics (text msg) were just of her and a very small stomach.

Without concrete proof (since the home test) I really didn't want to take this issue serious. I was kinda hoping that this would just go away on its own (considering my lack of proof etc).

Her story has however remained while we were in contact. She is preg, we would remain a friends, and co-parent. BGF would have to make a decision to stay with me or leave.

Any other questions I am happy to answer.

You all have been amazing.

She is preg, we would remain a friends, and co-parent. BGF would have to make a decision to stay with me or leave.

I'm sorry . . . this is a really optimistic view of the situation (assuming BGF decides to stay). There's no way she'll be ok with you guys remaining friends. And how will you coparent when you're in different countries?

I'm sorry to say, I don't think the full impact of this situation has hit you yet.

As I've said we have been texting daily, with a phone call every other week or so.

This is a lot of contact.

I'm guessing OW told the doc we are in a r.ship and might have informed her that I would call)

Gently . . . from the outside, this DOES sound like a relationship. What do you think the chances are that the OW is hoping that you three (you, her and the baby) will become one big happy family eventually? What do you think her motives are for encouraging you to tell the girlfriend?

An office attendant pick up the phone at 1st. I had called initially to set her appointment. After about a 5 min wait the doctor came on the phone and asked who I was. She confirmed the pregnancy but said she couldn't give any more details. All you said about OW having a friend could well possibly be true. I was surprised the doc actually spoke to me (I'm guessing OW told the doc we are in a r.ship and might have informed her that I would call).

Sorry - I was hoping for really specific info. So you called and said you wanted to make an appointment for someone that isn't your wife?. Did you ask to speak to the doctor? Did they just get the doctor for you without you asking? Did the doctor ask you any questions to confirm who you were? Did OW tell you she'd already told the doctor that it was fine to give you information?

Sorry, but to make sense of this, it needs to be very, very specific.

And why on earth would OW want YOU to call and make her appt, unless it was just a set up to begin with? People make their own Dr appts to make sure it fits their personal schedule.

An office attendant pick up the phone at 1st. I had called initially to set her appointment. After about a 5 min wait the doctor came on the phone and asked who I was.

This sounds so very wrong to me.

I have yet to hear of a doctor in the US that gets on the phone to ask "Who are you". That's what they pay receptionists/office staff to do.

Also, most doctors book patient appointments so close together that there's no time to pause and chat on the phone.

This whole thing sounds very odd.

Oh...and why were YOU booking her appointment from overseas? That also sounds very odd. This sounds like it was the "innocent" setup to get you to speak to her "doctor".

Has she had an ultrasound?

Painfulpast and I seem to be sharing the same line of thinking (but you were quicker on hitting submit, hehehe).

Gabybaby, I think we can both see that none of this is adding up.

An OB/GYN jumping on the phone with a stranger saying congratulations? What is this, Mayberry? lol!

"And how will you coparent when you're in different countries?" All kinda options were discussed. I dont even know why I went along with the convos. But yea, it happened and we are/were friends.

So yea, if I am being honest, it was a rship. Even though I made it clear (and it was accepted) that I would not be leaving BGF, and that I have only a slight romantic attraction to OW, despite her possible pregnancy, the fact the we communicated so much says otherwise.

She does seem to want us "three" being together and in a family; from my end that will never happen though. I'm thinkin she wants me to tell BGF because it is possible that I will then be a single man?

I having crazy doubts about telling BGF ANYTHING now.

There's not a person--male or female--on the planet who cannot make his/her abdomen look like s/he's pregnant.

Try it.

Most of us do not show at 11 weeks. Many of us DO have transvaginal ultrasounds at first antepartum visit (around 8-10 weeks) to establish dates, and are given images of the scan. Most of us do not have any HCG information, other than the one confirmation of elevation that confirms pregnancy. (For most of us, this would be limited to the symbol that appears on a home pregnancy test.) HCG levels are usually not tracked unless there has been prior pregnancy loss, and pregnancy is planned---so that the pregnancy progress can be monitored. HCG is not routinely monitored.

This just sounds hinky to me. I am an RN. I also have a husband for whom I must often call to get info from hospitals and doctors. Every once in a blue moon, I can get someone on the line who knows me, recognizes my voice, and is willing to speak with me. But more often than not, I have to provide a designated password and/or provide at least two pieces of identifying information (last four of SSN--his or mine, depending on facility-- address, phone number, etc. to get ANY information.

Throw in my experience as a woman who's seen an OB/GYN for....oh, 30 years or so---these doctors are busy. Their schedules are up in the air, and their office hours are always rushed because deliveries happen when they happen, thrusting the office into perpetual catch-up mode. I have never, ever, EVER had my doctor come on the line, or even gotten call-back from an OB during office hours. At most, I've gotten a call-back from the nurse. My doctor, who is wonderful and responsive, does callbacks at the end of the day.

Incidentally, even when I call for myself, I'm required to provide the last 4 digits of my SSN and verify address and phone number. Health care providers tend to ask for more than one bit of identifying information before talking with patients and/or family members. (And they only talk with others for whom they've been given written consent to do so.) And those individuals have to verify identity, as well. (I had to ask for 2 pieces of identifying information, in addition to full name. This might be address, last 4 of SSN, driver's license #, a password established by the patient---it varied.)

It's not that hard (or far-fetched, in the OW world) to pull a Vandelay Industries thing. (You know, the fictional company George Costanza created on Seinfeld; he had Jerry pose as an employee and answer the phone, "Vandelay Industries...")

Your head must be spinning. I hope you soon find yourself in a liveable situation in which you can make peace and have loving relationships with the people who matter to you.

ETA: I did not realize you had not yet told BGF--I guess I thought that talking to a lawyer was a decision you reached together. It would be a good idea to involve her in these decisions that have the potential to impact her for the rest of her life. You and OW have not been trustworthy, but don't make the mistake of assuming BGF cannot be trusted to make the best decision for herself, when she's in possession of the truth. Every day you do not tell her adds untold damage.

[This message edited by solus sto at 11:27 AM, August 22nd (Friday)]

painfulpast

Yes I was surprised when the doctor actually came on even though I didn't ask to speak to her(an Indian Lady, her practice came up in multiple online searches. Based on what she said it sounds like she was expecting my call.

I think she was using me setting up the appointment as some kinda confirmation/proof that this is real. As I said I played along, but no money was going to be sent.

I am not sure if an ultrasound was done, but she did say there was a heartbeat. She said she hadn't requested copies of anything (smh).

Dammit I really hope this is an attempted dupe.

Painfulpast

It seems the doc was expecting my call. I had asked her for proof of pregnancy the week before and she was 'offended'. Bringing me into the setting of the next appointment was an effort to fix that....

Who was offended--OW or the doctor?

Sorry, OW was offended

Yes I was surprised when the doctor actually came on even though I didn't ask to speak to her

This is almost laughable. So you call and say "Hi, I'd like an appointment for so-and-so" and BAM - the doctor is on the phone? Sure, that happens all the time.

I'm not saying it's impossible, but there are better odds of hitting powerball. Unless this doctor is OW's best friend, she's not going to instruct her staff to get her immediately if a male calls looking to set an appointment for a patient.

(an Indian Lady, her practice came up in multiple online searches. Based on what she said it sounds like she was expecting my call.

Just because her practice exists doesn't mean you were speaking with the doctor.

I think she was using me setting up the appointment as some kinda confirmation/proof that this is real. As I said I played along, but no money was going to be sent.

Setting up an appointment does NOT mean she's really pregnant.

In your shoes, I would absolutely demand not only proof of a pregnancy, but also proof of paternity before spending one more minute on this. The entire thing sounds just so far fetched and abnormal.

At 11 weeks, she wouldn't be showing. As Solus stated, anyone can make their stomach protrude a little. An 11 week old fetus is about the size of a lime. What exactly would be showing?

In many states here in the US, you can sue someone for the 'intentional infliction of emotional distress' and yes, lying to someone, telling them you are pregnant with their child when you are not, would qualify.

I don't think you're dealing with a pregnant woman. I think you're dealing with a bunny boiler.

I strongly recommend letting her know that you must have proof of the pregnancy before continuing any further discussions regarding this issue. If she acts offended again, calmly apologize for offending her, but there are legal and insurance issues that need to be addressed, and without hard proof your hands are tied. Remain calm no matter what the reaction.

Once you've done this, have no further discussions until solid, actual proof is provided. If she does not provide proof and also does not stop contacting you, I would state, calmly once again, that proof of a pregnancy is a very normal request. At this point, I would also, calmly, state that if she will not provide you the required validation, you are considering the matter closed and see no need for further contact. If she continues, calmly let her know that the intentional infliction of emotional distress is grounds for legal action, and if she persists you will have no alternative but to seek a legal remedy.

Always allow her toe opportunity to provide legitimate proof, but do not engage at all without it. Do NOT sign anything, do NOT claim any legal responsibility, simply put, do NOT engage. If she is lying about this pregnancy, she is most likely more than slightly unstable mentally.

So allow the opportunity to provide proof, but until such proof is provided, ending all contact is probably your absolute best bet.

Regarding your BGF, honesty is the best policy. If OW actually is pregnant, BGF needs to know. If OW is lying about being pregnant, she will most likely tell BGF about your relationship. Either way, BGF will almost certainly discover this, and it's best that she hear it from you imo.

You're in a very difficult situation, but right now you still have some control over how it unfolds for BGF. Soon enough, OW will possibly take that option away from you. As painful as this news may be for BGF, it could be made 10 times worse if it's conveyed to her by OW, particularly if OW is not getting what she wants - which is a family with you.

I second everything everyone is telling you. I've had 3 children and they were all enormous with the last one weighing almost 11 pounds. I didn't start to show until I was at least 16 weeks pregnant and with the last one, I didn't even know I was pregnant until the 5th month. If she sent you a picture of her stomach at 11 weeks, she already had a stomach. My mother, who was about 100 pounds, didn't start to show with me until she was almost 6 months pregnant. I weighed almost 8 pounds.

I realize some women do start to show earlier but it's pretty rare. And the whole doctor story is just bullshit. HIPAA laws in the U.S. are so strict, I doubt any doctor would chance giving out information over the phone. Even admitting someone is a patient is confidential. Even if this was a legitimate doctor, how did she know that you really were who YOU said you were just because you said so? She would have required more verification that you provided. Hell, the confidentiality laws in the U.S. mean that I can't even get a credit card company or cell phone company that lists me as an authorized user on my husband's account to tell me anything. HIPAA laws are stricter than that. This woman is playing you.

And like Solus said, you still need to tell your girlfriend because if this chick is desperate enough to fake a pregnancy, she's desperate enough to blow up your whole world. If you have a social media account, I'd lock it down now because I wouldn't be surprised if she suddenly starts trying to befriend all your friends and family.

Just because her practice exists doesn't mean you were speaking with the doctor.

I'm going out on a limb here and suggesting OW bestie works here. Hence you calling to make the appt. So the bestie could intercept the call, put you on hold for 5 minutes, then have the bestie take the call.

Sure, this Dr exists. But remember, OB/GYN office are ALSO for people who are not pregnant. Woman go to the GYN annually.

Serious. This stinks to the high heavens.

No matter what your BGF must hear the truth from you asap. Don't let the OW be the one who tells her.

If this pregnancy is not real then you've got an OW with mental issues.