SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I had no idea how my mental health had been damaged during my M, and then destroyed during false R. But now I do know. I wasn't healthy. That's one reason I fell so low. My marriage wasn't a good nurturing place for me. So much dysfunction that I never acknowledged ate away at me like acid. When I was finally forced out I was forced to go where I could get healthy, and make myself into the best person I can be.

**This above is what saved you, your doctor at that time saved your life. When a BS is in the midst of the craziness they cannot see outside of where they are standing at that moment, and they have lived with it for so long they do not know anything else. It was mental abuse you were living with, but since at the time you had no job and this was "your life" you obviously fight to keep it as it is the only thing you know. Not realizing that the very thing you are trying to hang onto is the thing that is killing you.

It forced you to accept change, I am in no way saying that taking away our life and your friends and your life style was fair at all, he was a horrible person and you did not deserve any of that at all. I am just saying that it forced you to get completely away from him and that world and it was the ONLY way you could have healed in hindsight.

And I totally understand not forgiving him, why should you? This was not an amicable divorce, this was evil and calculated to wipe you off the face of his earth. You survived his scorched earth tactic and quite frankly I would not forgive either, I think it is more a case of forgiving when you don't even have anger any more, you just don't think of him. That day will come for you and it will be something that will pass before you even realize it, he won't be a thought that takes up any more head space.

You lost everything, you had to move out of town, you had no where to go, no money and you slowly but surely, bit by bit picked yourself up off the ground and got your life back. Congratulations and kudos to you for making it thru, what a great story of human perseverance.

Thank you for sharing!! Keep moving forward. Your story is one of great inspiration!!

I had no idea how my mental health had been damaged during my M, and then destroyed during false R. But now I do know. I wasn't healthy. That's one reason I fell so low. My marriage wasn't a good nurturing place for me. So much dysfunction that I never acknowledged ate away at me like acid. When I was finally forced out I was forced to go where I could get healthy, and make myself into the best person I can be.

**This above is what saved you, your doctor at that time saved your life. When a BS is in the midst of the craziness they cannot see outside of where they are standing at that moment, and they have lived with it for so long they do not know anything else. It was mental abuse you were living with, but since at the time you had no job and this was "your life" you obviously fight to keep it as it is the only thing you know. Not realizing that the very thing you are trying to hang onto is the thing that is killing you.

thank you realitybites. You are absolutely correct that my doctor saved my life. This is one reason why I highly recommend people visit an IC for therapy and also an MD-psychiatrist for medication if they are having trouble managing their thoughts or emotions.

It was actually the MD that saved my life, and it wasn't the medication, it was the time I spent in his office talking about my situation and how I was having suicidal thoughts, how I couldn't stop crying, how I couldn't control my anger and was breaking dishes, windows, etc. I told my doctor about the time I took WH's laptop and threw it off the stairs onto the bricks below and then went and got the pick out of the garden shed and drove the pick through it over and over. I was insane with rage.

The way my doctor talked to me without judgment about suicidal thoughts and told me how most people who attempt suicide are unsuccessful and many are seriously harmed by their attempts, how the desire to stop the pain is the drive behind the thoughts, not the desire to no longer live at all.

Morgue, hospital, or jail.

Those three words saved my life. He made it clear that the medication he was prescribing wasn't going to save my life if I didn't get the hell out. There was no way to get sane to get healthy, to stabilize my thoughts or my emotions in the situation I was in. The medication could only help me if I first helped myself enough to get away from him.

He talked to me about "crazy making" and how emotional abuse can make it look like the victim is the crazy one, the one doing harm to the other. I sure was on that path of self-destruction, and WH was pushing me down it. My doctor called it for what it was and literally ordered me to leave. "I want you to get out. I want you to accept the disability papers. I want you to find a place to stay and go there immediately." Sorta like, "I want you to take 3 of these 100mg tablets"... only more effective.

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Awesome and inspiring thread. Bump

Bump it. I need to read this today!

bumping for TheRedBaron and others

I’m so glad I have read this , I can see how the anger in me could spiral out of control , its already becoming unhealthy .My concern for leaving my current home and renting a flat which I am seeing later today is I am about to walk away with @30k debt all in my name as the Ex’s name isn’t on this loan, so all my thoughts and decisions have been swayed towards recovering some of the debt. Who am I kidding he’s not going to pay a penny irrespective to If I stay or go , so reading this I need to think solely about my mental and physical well being thank you KK

Bump for all of us that need to survive infidelity

im glad u recovered i am where u were at ..my lowest point in my life so far .. what makes it hard for me is that i have 3 kids with my WS ... and it kills me inside knowing that another guy is with my kids more than me .. because i work and have no family to help me watch kids ... also it frustrates me and makes it harder that i cant just have no contact with my WS due to the kids .. which makes it harder for me knowing im connected to her for life ... or at least till the kids are grown .. Im seeking IC but i hope i can get free counseling because of my lack of income..

Bravo HBKK!!!

Great idea to share in JFO. This is a hard time of year, just after the holidays with the long winter ahead. Your story is an inspiration.

I felt horrible after DDay, and it took a while to feel better. SI helped me to see that X was taking no positive action towards R so I went to S quickly. Struggling in false R is the worst. It's such a shock to go from a long marriage to it being over. Bit by bit I created a new life and I'm pretty happy now. I have a lot more understanding and compassion for myself and others as a result of that ordeal.

Big hugs to all JFOs.

(((((((((JFOs))))))))) ((((((HBKK)))))))))

Bump for all the new members, as well as old ones!

bump for Lethealbegin

Bump for Saruman.

wow. What an amazing and wonderful post. heartbroken_kk, you are awesome. I don't think I've ever read anything more inspiring. I agree it should be pinned!

Thanks for bumping it, trivial.

I wish anyone who is despairing, who is dealing with the daily horror of betrayal would read this.