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[This message edited by SI Staff at 9:23 PM, March 18th (Sunday)]

I’d like to tell the tale of how a friend found out. Her wh has been having extramarital affairs for who knows how long. She found out when he accidentally sexted their 15 year old daughter, thinking it was the Whore.

And I only even say any of it to put things into perspective. Can you imagine having to process that? My heart absolutely broke for all of them. It still does. Infidelity is most selfish thing a person can do.

I hopped onto a family 'shared' computer to empty a camera card and saw a FB message pop up from a mutual friend (his marathon training female buddy)...not thinking twice I clicked on it. Very quickly realised it was his account not mine and by then it was too late to unsee what I saw....his only saving grace was it appeared to be a breakup convo (him saying no more and her begging him not to cease the friendship). But it left little doubt that a PA had taken place over a period of months. I had NO idea. I had just put his distancing himself from us and his horrendous behaviour down to falling out of love with me and his life and his deteriorating mental health (apparently not the case). I'd never once suspected he would ever in a million years cheat and never once thought of snooping but so many things fell into place that had been odd about the previous 6 months.

The bottom fell out of my world that day. I couldn't confront him about it until that night as we were with family on a day trip to a big fair and he'd already left in the other car (Royal Melbourne Show for those in Aus). I have no idea how I wore my happy mask for the kids all day. They have great memories of that day and still talk about it. All I remember is escaping to cry in the loo at every opportunity I could. I felt sick and dizzy all day, petrified of going home, not knowing if this was the beginning of the end of our 20 year relationship and scared of what lay ahead and of the conversation we had to have.

Wouldn't wish this experience on anyone.

i found out by accident and was totally blindsided. my wife was displaying many classic affair behaviors but i was clueless. she had a password on her phone...had it for years. one day while she was alseep on the couch i decided to see if i could figure it out. i guessed it and began to snoop at her internet browsing history...i didnt even think to look at any text messages. i noticed that my wife had been watching some porn. not really a big deal to me but it was out of character for my wife. i thought about it for a few days and decided to bring it up to her and talk about it. told her that i knew her password and saw some things on her phone that we needed to talk about. well....i'm expecting to talk about one thing and she confesses to an affair. i couldn't have been more shocked. it actually turned me on a little that my wife was watching porn and i was looking forward to discussing. she thought i saw evidence of her affair....so the conversation went south immediately. probably the worst 30 minutes of my life.

My wife started growing farther and farther away from me. Everything I did was wrong. EVERYTHING... Finally I said... we need to talk... and she told me that she had come to the realization that there was more to life that what she was currently experiencing, and that she wanted a divorce.

Stupid me... I believed her.

She waffled 3 times between "I want a divorce" and "well, wait a minute" before finally saying that she wanted to take some time to work on our marriage.

I asked her if there was someone else.. she said NO... (Stupid me)

After about a month of making no progress I started to get suspicious... I dug into the phone records, and there it was, plain as day...

It turns out that you don't jump out of a plane without a parachute... who knew?

I couldn't hold my rage in... when she got home I lit into her. The only time in my life I have ever spoken to her that way...

Excuse me, waitress, Can I get a shit sandwich, with a side of cow chips.

H traveled extensively....I always suspected...saw all the red flags....but I wanted proof..

WEnt to a company bbq....OW walked up and tried to kiss my H three times, with me standing beside him...it took all of a couple seconds for me to have zero doubt...

SHes very educated, there were 50 ish coworkers, My H was top management, her boss, she was new hire.... who would do this? I thought at first, she was really dumb, then I realized they had been seeing each other awhile, and she was trying to make us split up...this was her plot...

IT went underground, as I laid low, and tried to gather evidence...I found nothing...but continued to see this behavior...they worked and traveled together often...I finally had her fired...but the damage was done...Once the trauma starts to settle, you start to see all those red flags, were true...and the gut feeling was spot on.

I was shocked at how ballsy she really was..very in control....to get what she wanted...I made sure, they were over, before I even contemplated what I was going to do...she would not win...at my expense.

[This message edited by cancuncrushed at 12:47 PM, March 19th (Monday)]

Went to unplug WW iPhone to plug mine in, noticed a text on screen that said "xoxoxoxoxoxoxo"

I knew her password and used it to check who it was from

It was like a bomb went off at my feet. She was talking about specific sex acts with the piece of shit she was cheating on me with. I was devastated. No idea, had no clue it was going on.

"For want of a second iPhone charger, the marriage was lost"

That was 2014 in the summer. We....okay I, have been in false R ever since.

In early stages of separating now but she keeps wanting to put it off.

Did I mention the affair never ended, she's been blowing him on demand for years and oh....she went to Vegas to bang another guy after we supposedly agreed to have "outside friends"

Yeah, she never fucking mentioned she already had one and I would NEVER do that until I was separated or divorced. I live in a state where legal separation doesn't exist

I'm getting a divorce this year. DILLY! DILLY!

My H seemed off after DS2 was born. He was having to work all the time and when he got home, he was exhausted and short-tempered and just sort of taciturn in general. I initially understood and tried to boost him - I knew a newborn was hard, and we already had a toddler, and he was working so much because this time around, my leave was unpaid.

The week before D-Day (when the PA actually began, I confirmed later) he had started to walk around everywhere with an earbud in - he said he was stressed and music helped him, (spoiler alert - it was so I wouldn't hear his text notifications going off incessantly - how stupid am I, huh?). I sat him down and asked him to level with me, what was happening - he said he wasn't happy, that he hadn't really wanted more kids and only did it to make me happy, and that he wasn't sure he wanted to stay with us.

I said well, we need to work through this, one way or the other. He agreed and we dropped it for that moment - it was a Sunday evening and we had to get the kids taken care of. Plus, I didn't really know what to say or do at that point.

At 1am, his phone started blowing up - I was up feeding the baby (yep) and he was sound asleep so I looked. Even then, I didn't suspect anything even CLOSE to an A. My brain just didn't go there. I looked because I was worried it was an emergency. I knew the name - a 'friend' of his, a woman. I woke him up and demanded to know why she was calling him like that in the middle of the night. He claimed he had no idea, she must be drunk.

11 missed calls, 2 texts, 1 call from her roommate and 1 topless pic later, it became pretty damn clear what was going on. I still strongly believe she did it on purpose.

Worst week of my entire life. And it's not like there was no competition for that top spot - but that week 'wins'.

[This message edited by beauchateaux at 1:02 PM, March 19th (Monday)]

That depends on which husband and which affair. Both former husbands were fvcked up in their own individual ways....

She was supposed to be at a girlfriend's house. I started getting email notifications that the email address on this account and that account were being changed to AP'sname@gmail.com. She was a tech idiot back then, didn't want am email address so she shared mine when she had to have one. Her AP had her changing her poc email address on all of her accounts to his email address. I still don't know why. I knew him...he was a co-worker of hers. I called her, told her I knew where she really was. She tried to act tough, i told her not to come home. She never tried, also never tried to get custody of our 2 daughters. I take that back, like after 2 months, 6 months, a year, year and a half she tried to come home bc AP was mean. Lol.

He used my computer and forgot to logout. I saw over 60 messages between him and his ex wife reminicing...and photos...and now I suspect he has been with her as he works overseas. Him - deny deny deny.

My husband got a text he lied that it was a telemarketer. I confronted him cause he had already deleted it within 30 seconds.

Then he confessed that is was a lady from work but the excuse was lame...totally didn't match up.

So I asked him to leave all messages on his phone.

a few days went by. they were deleted again. I said okay how about you send her one and we leave it on there now so I can see the conversation.

another week and gone again, He yelled and said he didn't know how to work his phone, funny ONLY her messages are missing.

One more try, and a few days later he said 'see I deleted all messages and only left the ones that matter' those were from me. Well wasn't he bright.

I said I have a program I can recover deleted texts, how about we run that?....wow did he get defensive. I Thought he would be over joyed as he was so adamant that nothing was going on. This would prove his innocence to me. He told me NO It was a private conversation between them, and none of my business and he would not share out of respect for her...that was the worst hearing how her respect meant more than being honest with me.

I hooked up Dr.Fone, and found the messages.

This coupled with how he told me many times how nice she was and how I would really like her, she was on his mind all of the time.

OBS saw a text from WH saying “I miss you” to AP, so he kept an eye on her phone until she left it unlocked and he took photos of the screen, stuff about how they wished they were together, things they wanted to do, he loved her, so on.

He texted back that he was going to tell me, WH saw this text and did a whole back and forth with AP about strategy that lasted most of the morning with them deciding to tell me nothing. So when OBS finally got in touch it took all day to get his side of the story. In the end there was no proof of a PA so they just denied all of it. I asked a thousand times whether there was any other thing I should know, did anything else happen, do I have all the information? Yes yes yes.

Turns out no, DDay 2 two months later, affair was a PA and still ongoing.

She was our secretary at the business that was run from our house. There were so many texts and phone calls between them that were all "work". My gut was screaming.

I came home one night, and wxh was scheduled to be out of town overnight delivering to our customers. He asked me if I could take the next day off work so that she could accompany him because she was interacting with these customers - it would be great for her to meet them.

I said that it was absolutely not appropriate and he then threw the remote control at me out of anger. That confirmed everything.

The next morning, I called her bh and informed him. He confronted her and she denied. I immediately fired her....

Here's a cute story about the firing. She asked wxh what time I would be home that day so that she could be gone before I arrive - I told him 5:00. I left work at 2, and caught her at my house. I took her out to the shop and told they guys to stop working and say goodbye to the whore because she was fucking the boss. A little public humiliation never hurt anyone.

Anyway...... We were in false R for 2 years when my spider senses started tingling again. Same whore. We have been divorced for almost 10 years and it's been fabulous.

Found a Fedex receipt for something that she had overnighted to him, it was a long distance A. Turned out to be a T-Shirt that matched one she had bought when we were on vacation so they could wear them on the same days.

It all fell apart for her from there.

For me it was dreams. I know that sounds crazy, but I kept having dreams that my WW was cheating on me. This happened so often that I began to wonder if my subconscious was trying to tell me something. I went to her workplace unannounced and her car was not in the parking lot. I then drove around the whole building and her car was nowhere to be found. Then I texted her and said I needed to get her debit card from her. She said it would be a while as she was in the middle of something. I asked where her car was and she said in the front parking lot, I said no it's not. Then she said oh it's at the other building, again, no it's not. I called her and she said well I actually had to run to another hospital but am on my way back but I could tell she wasn't driving. So then it changed to she was meeting someone to buy pain pills from them because she was hooked on them (lie). When we both got to the house I emptied her purse looking for pills and in the process found two letters she had written to one of her Ap's, shit went down hill from there.

1st time, she snatched her phone out of my hand while I was using it to take a picture of her and her parents. ding ding ding....major red flag! Too bad she was too drunk that night and wasn't very good at covering up her phone while she entered the passcode. I uncovered 22,000 text messages and 14,000 minutes.

2nd time was the case of the disappearing and reappearing vibrator. It's in the box in her closet, now it's in her purse, it's back in the box, it's in her purse ('ya know, TheBard, I can't cum without it'...yep, her words.)....then leaving her old, but still activated iphone behind when she was out with AP...powered it up, logged on to FB messenger and there it was, as it happened.

3rd time, a text message from a 'friend' she volunteered with that read 'I guess you weren't the person I thought you were. Are you going to make me come to your house and knock on your door. All I wanted to do was kiss you.'

Oh but 'TheBard, I put an end to that. He crossed the line and I stopped it'...um, no you didn't.

4th time, a google alert I set up a long time ago with our last name popped up. Apparently there is a website that you can out a homewrecker...someone posted a scenario that never lined up with anything I knew about, but guess who was to blame for posting it....yep, you got it.

There are more...I'm sure of it.

I walked in on them kissing in our bathroom. There had been a weird nagging feeling for months (and my suspected timeline was right) but I thought no we’ve known her for decades. But there I stood and my whole world fell before me. All I could say to WH was “How could you?”. The fact I had to catch him is one of the big, BIG reasons I worry if a R is really possible, despite our efforts. He claims he was working to end it, but I can’t ever believe that.

My wife loves football, and she likes the Red Zone because you don't have to miss out on the scoring plays. Red Zone goes off the air at about 4:45pm, after the last afternoon game on Sundays. When they go off the air, some cheezy elevator music comes on. It drives me nuts.

Wife had run out for a quick trip to the grocery store for a few items we needed. I went into the living room to change channels because the "cheezy music" was driving me crazy. I sat down with the remote to find something else to watch, and her laptop was sitting there, open, on the coffee table. It was open to Facebook, and she was chatting with her ex. I had known they were FB friends, because she had been sharing the gossipy mess that whole family is, so I thought I would see what the latest stupid stunt or fight or episode of dysfunction was.

Instead, I found myself reading "I love yous" and "I miss yous." I scrolled back as far as I could and began reading. There was talk of skin, and one line that will forever be etched in my brain: "It was nice to kiss your mouth again." I had just finished reading the entirety when she walked in with the groceries. I swear my blood pressure must have hit the roof. I wish now I had thought to copy and e-mail the entire chat to myself, but instead, in my devastated state, I carried the open laptop to the kitchen, shoved in it front of her, and asked "What's this?"

It was a night of lies, cruelty and the beginnings of gaslighting, TT and months of pain. It was the night my life changed forever. Part of me died that night.

[This message edited by OneInTheSame at 1:06 AM, March 21st (Wednesday)]

I found out about A #1 when my WW had to tell me she was pregnant. She had just moved with our 2 young children to join me out of state where I had been for 3 months starting a new job. (a job and move that was her idea) That A was carried out in our home, around my 2 children. She claims he had told her he had a vasectomy. She claims that she informed him she was pregnant and he then claimed to have had his sperm count rechecked and was negative. She now says she suspected he was lying but she never said that to me, all I knew was that he said he had a vasectomy and he said his sperm count was negative, the only thing she told me was that she thought the timing was off for it to be mine, that's it. She had an abortion. I was left to think that child was most likely mine for the next 25 years and that I had agreed to abort my own child because the situation was so screwed up I didn't know what else to do. It was in fact his, she hasn't even told me how or when she found that out for sure. (if any of that is really true, and I have my doubts)

DDay #2 was 25 years later. I went to open Facebook on the Ipad she used. It was logged into her account and it opened to messages. There was a message to her HS boyfriend saying not to text her until she said it was OK because I was getting all her messages. (I was getting her Imessages for a few days right after I got a new Iphone and connected it to our joint Icloud account but not his because he didn't have an Iphone) That night I went through her phone while she was asleep. I discovered not only that she had been having a nearly 8 year long EA with him but I also discovered that she had been in a PA for 2 years with the OM from 25 years back, as well as discovering that she had a second PA with him a year after the first. I figured all that out after discovering about 175 emails that she choose to archive verses delete.

Nearly 27 years of cheating, multiple A's and honestly she has not revealed more than a few minor details other than what I learned as fact or saw enough to suspect from those emails. I cannot believe there isn't a lot more to the truth but she'll take that to her grave.

[This message edited by JimmyB at 7:49 AM, March 21st (Wednesday)]