SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

What is stopping you from speaking to her?

Are you afraid of being rejected?

Her affair wasn’t a rejection of you. Her affair was to feel alive again intellectually, attention-wise, and NOT a mother of young children.

I don’t think you have thought about this. Your wife’s AP is a morpher—he was having multiple affairs. Do you think he woman he was fucking thought...”Oh I want to talk about politics and then fuck in my mini van”. NOPE. This man had the ability to be whatever he needed in order to screw a woman. This was a game and one he was well versed in. He knew exactly what he was doing. If your wife loved fashion. He would have talked about fashion with her.

Your wife was fooled. It’s apparent she is a really bad judge of character. Why was she fooled so easily. I can promise you in this social circle the other Mommies talked about what a douche this guy was....so why was your wife fooled?

I don’t think you see this side of it. You are a straight-up. What you see is what you get. When all the BTWG posted on your thread about straight Fing your wife. You said No Way. This is my wife.

Even after all that has happened. You respect your wife sexually. All you are asking for is love while being physical with your wife

I want to know what would happen if on her schedule. You turned her around or got beside her and touched her tenderly saying... you deserve more than this. I love you. You need more than this.

There is an assumption here that she doesn’t want you. Maybe she is assuming you don’t want her and this is what she deserved for being a fool.

You aren’t a pretender. It makes perfect sense that you aren’t happy with this. This isn’t what you want. You want to have love while having sex.

Your wife needs to understand you want what is real. Does she want what is real?

The word rugsweeping has been used alot.

Rugsweeping is not to blame for the affair.

Rugsweeping is not to blame for the duty sex.

Rugsweeping is not to blame for the way she's treating you and the state of your marriage.

You can put all the excuses in a hat, pick one then tailor it to suit your needs.

You are "stuck" because you allow yourself this inertia, this limbo. This goes on as long as you allow it. Two adults playing games and not coming together to fix the situation.

Two people have to participate in rebuilding this marriage. If one person doesn't want to or is not trying, you can't put it on the mc, a lawyer, her mom, her friends, her cat.

It's on her as a consequence then it's on you how you want to be treated.

FenderG. I’ve got a Mexican Strat. Jimmy Hendrix White. Great for Skynyrd.

The agony you’re feeling isn’t going away. It’ll get worse and fester until you pop. Handwriting’s on your wall Bro.

You have no idea how close your Ww is to mine. But mine is not quite as civically minded as yours. Now the sex part. Her lack of being in the moment life’s out missionary locked.

When she shared herself with OM-and I want you to think NeruoChemistry here, she short circuited the bond you both had. Exchanging fluids with OM CHANGED HER! She has a bond with OM now. Your chemistry link was severed from hers. She’s left the (sexual) builds.

Don’t look for a return. I watched my wife undergo this change and it was dramatically fast in her transition before leaving me for her AP.

GOOD LUCK. You’re prime candidate for a revenge affair. Don’t go there no matter what the temptation. You have a hard road ahead, or a very celibate life.

((((FenderGuy))))

Your story is just sad. I see in your profile you say she is attempting R and you are there for the kids. I see that you are very much there for the kids, but I don't see her even attempting to fake that she is attempting R very well. If she is still being defensive when you try to discuss your needs, then there is still something going on: it may only be that her guilt&shame is what is keeping her from being more willing to meet you part way in your need for more intimacy.

She sounds like she needs an infusion of gratitude mixed with reality-check.

You deserve so much more . . .

She had a breakdown recently, and I helped talk her through it. She talked about how much she loves me, great man, blah blah blah. I thought that maybe this is a turning point. Nah! Back to the same shit the next day.

That's because the "breakdown" was emotional manipulation. She doesn't want anything to change because most of her life is fine right know. Your sex life sucks but her's is OK so she's fine with it.

She's flipping the script to maintain control. You're a KISA and problem solver. She's created a problem related to the your relationship and her white knight rides in to solve it. Therefore, the problems in your relationship are solved. This takes away your control and your ability to express your own problems with the relationship.

But it really does't does it. You have every right to express your needs.

Actually, you have an obligation to express them. In your mind, your relationship sucks. Therefore, in reality, your relationship really does suck. That means, wonder of wonders, her relationship sucks too, she just has no idea.