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The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 11:16 PM on Sunday, June 9th, 2019
You held out hope she was better than you thought. She proved she was as bad as you thought.
No contact is your new focus. Permanently.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
Pearlyo (original poster new member #70485) posted at 1:03 PM on Tuesday, June 11th, 2019
How does everyone honestly deal with NC and communicating about the kids?? I don’t see a good way to go about it? I thought about not passing info but afraid it will come back to hurt me in the long run. And I’m not referring to kids feelings being hurt or anything like that. I’m talking about real circumstances regarding school and events where the kids honestly want their mother to be part of? I thought about having the kids reach out but don’t want to put them in the middle of it. Seems childish for me to do that.
Gutpunch ( member #63088) posted at 1:58 PM on Tuesday, June 11th, 2019
You cannot go no contact when children are involved. However, you can only communicate when it involves the children. Do not engage in any relationship discussions. Always be cheerful and happy even if you have to fake it. Make her think she did you a favor.
The1stWife ( Guide #58832) posted at 2:09 PM on Tuesday, June 11th, 2019
No contact means you only discuss certain topics. Kids. Finances. Schedules. Logistics. Events for kids.
Not alimony. Not division of assets. Let the lawyers handle that.
If she wants to chat / ask “how are you?” You respond “Fine thanks”. You don’t ask how she is. You don’t ask where she has been.
You are polite in front of kids. Nothing more.
If she says bings to upset you - walk away. Do not respond. Nod your head but no words.
Survived two affairs and brink of Divorce. Happily reconciled. 12 years out from Dday. Reconciliation takes two committed people to be successful.
Pearlyo (original poster new member #70485) posted at 2:54 PM on Tuesday, June 11th, 2019
OK... that makes much more sense. I guess the answer was a bit more obvious than I made it out to be in my own head. Infidelity seems to bring out the worst with everyone. Thanks for the responses. Posting here does help a lot. Takes the feeling of isolation away.
k8la ( member #38408) posted at 4:06 PM on Tuesday, June 11th, 2019
Change the locks or add a deadbolt. That should help with NC as well as fewer triggers.
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