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The kids go through their own form of cognitive dissonance when parents divorce. They don’t understand and try to fill in the blanks so it makes sense. Your daughter is begging you to fill in the blanks....kind of like Joseph’s letter. She has a puzzle to complete but no one is showing her the top to the box that lets her know what it’s supposed to look like and there’s pieces missing...so she’s left to put it all together without having any facts to go on.

You know your XWW doesn’t need to be the one to be honest with your DD. I’m sure she’d appreciate it from anyone right now...

[This message edited by SI Staff at 5:49 PM, September 11th (Wednesday)]

Well...I'm sure she will feel all of those consequences when you walk out of your apartment one day with a better woman on your arm passing her by with nary a wave.

Kids aren't stupid. Hiding issues from them just increases their anxiety.

You are waiting for your wayward wife to tell them?

That's never gonna happen.

Tell them in a sanitized version.

My WH never really wanted to tell our eight children (ages 3-18) either. But kids are dealing with the breakup of a family too, and they deserve to know why things are happening. When I finally told my kids about why we we were separated and that we would be divorcing, the younger ones were relieved to know what was going on. They were glad I was no longer trying to hide things from them. In turn, they began to open up to me even more. They want the truth, not everything hidden from them (in age appropriate ways of course).

Thank you for all the responses. I will tell them, but not kustvyet. They are dealing with too much. My youngest is a huge challenge as she struggles with ADHD and what I think might be the beginnings of mental illness. And to top it off, I'm not even sure she is mine. That screws me up.

On a brighter note, among all of the challenges that literally make me want to end it all, my eldest daughter huged me and told me i was her hero. I cannot even explain how that made me feel.one small victory!

Take that small victory and run with it. Keep showing them that you are there for them at any time. You will support them in times of trouble. Guide them through different times. Rejoice with them in happy times. Keep being their rock that they can depend upon. It starts with being g upfront and truthful with them. Giving them boundaries and consequences as all kids need. And being consistent with them.

As for the child you think is yours, please put that out of your mind. Your their father. You are showering them with love. Your helping them grow as you see fit. They see you as dad. Look upnto you for guidance and love. Give them what they deserve.

So here is an update. The possession date is two weeks away and my STBXWW has only just begun packing. I've been packing for a year and I'm stressed. I can't imagine how she feels. She is stressed and depressed though. After 28 years together, I can read it on her face.

Her world is coming to an end, at least the old one. The new one, her affair fantasy world, crumbled to dust and so she is left with nothing. My kids are starting to feel comfortable here, although my youngest had a meltdown yesterday. We had to give away her goldfish and she was devastated. The fish was irrelevant as she never spent time with it or even cleaned the tank, but it was the last symbolic vestige of her old life. She said that we had taken everything from her, her house, her family, her life, and now her fish. My XWW just stood there ashen face and listened. We were together packing the house... I cannot imagine being her. I thank God I'm not her. To have caused so much pain and devastation for something of no value whatsoever, and then to reconcile what you have done with the damage around you must be maddening.

My therapist asked me who I would rather be, me or my WW? Hands down, me. I could not live with myself having done what she did.

So moving forward.

Less than a week from possession date and I will be free of the stress of sharing a house with my STBXWW. the kids arecsettlng into a routine in the new apartment and co actually hung a few picture to make it more livable. Fights are less and we are starting to spend more time talking. Next week we start rebuilding. Very excited.

The STBXWW is looking like shit from The stress of moving. She has left everything for the last minute as is normal, but this time, She has no husband to bail her out. Who knew actions had consequences?

Just left the house and STBXWW is packing feverishly because the moving truck is coming tomorrow. I heard that little gem from her elderly mother that is helping her back. She is nowhere near ready. LMFAO. Normally, this is where i would jump in and make things happen... actually, I would have jumped in months ago. She really has no idea how to live like a grownup. I am so glad I took out a loan for rent so that I could move a month earlier. At least the kids have a home now.

Hello,you are doing just fine. But,I must tell you something. Right now,your kids see their world falling apart and they dont know why. You should realy tell them as soon as posible,so they can make some sence out of it. If your youngest is starting to have a mental illness,you should do the DNA test,and if you are not her biological father then you will need a medical history of her real father and his familly,so you can give that to her doctor. That is wery important.

[This message edited by DjDjani at 1:45 AM, September 29th (Sunday)]

She has left everything for the last minute as is normal, but this time, She has no husband to bail her out. Who knew actions had consequences?

*******

I can’t figure out how to quote because I’m lame😂

But exact situation here! We moved and I was gone, and am very busy with school, so LLCAH has had to do it. It’s a disaster, because golly, looks like I did it all before, who knew? I am blithely walking around piles and going out to study. It’s his house, I’m. Going to an apartment Oct 1, I do t care about any of this shit. Not my circus, not my monkeys, oh and I guess if you can pay people for sex you can pay them to clean up.

I’m so glad it’s going better, it will be a long road for us both but we will get there.

Well, it is finished....The house is gone, my STBXWW is on a vacation, and I am in my crowded apartment with moving boxes everywhere. But its mine. Right now, I am having a cup of coffee in a mug I bought myself. There us one word emblazoned on it "peace". Its what I want right now. Now to begin rebuilding. Deep breath.

I hope you have peace.

It is strange how wayward's I know in real life cannot see the outcome of their actions.

Take it moment by moment.

Your kids are fortunate to have a father like you.

Yup. Another update. Its Friday and I haven't done anything socially on a weekend in over 6 months. So I told my kids that I needed a night out. They agreed. Problem is, what to do. My STBXWW is out of town, so no chance of seeing her. But I feel stupid going to my old favourite bar on my own. And the there is the chance of seeing the POSOM there too. I could go to a pub for a drink, but then I would just sit at a bar alone...I can do that at home and cheaper. It's hard when everyone I know is married. My last act of desperation is downloading a meeting app for my phone. Turns out some guy I've never met is having a birthday at a pub, hired a band, and invited people. Do I go? Or I could just sit on the couch and watch another movie...yup, super fun...

I hope you went! I do Meet-ups and they are pretty fun. Interesting people, new and different things to do. I like to go to a bar and eat at the bar— gets me out, watch some sports and just enjoy learning to do things by myself.

So I bailed on going out. Instead, i went to a pub right after work abdcsatvunderva gazebo smoking cigars and drinking whiskey. Spent a couple hours in deep conversation. Loved it. Went home to my kids and hung out. All in all, a good evening. Next weekend is Thanksgiving, so I have something to look forward to.ill try again soon.