My BH and I did do a vow renewal but we were both on the same page about the expectations - I’m going to get very honest here so there may be some TMI.
There is a lot of things that changed post DDay - I do (or don’t do) many things that I once did in order for him to feel like I am a safe partner. These are not things that he specifically spelled out but more “respecting his wishes” from our conversations. In addition to doing all of the mental work that goes into recovery I also:
Stopped drinking and entered recovery - been in continuous recovery since 6/29/10. Drinking again is a dealbreaker.
No male friends (I do this one on my own - I have nothing in common with most men and don’t feel the need to).
I keep all websites, passcodes, logins, passwords, etc. in a book that I continually update. He never even looks at it anymore but it’s always there.
His face and fingerprint can open all of my electronics.
I do basic body grooming (shaving legs & pits) but don’t shave my ladybits unless he specifically asks me to. I do regular things like get manicures & pedicures but anything out of the ordinary I ask him if he’s ok with it - lately I’ve been getting eyelash extensions and he’s on the fence about them - he says I “ooze sex” so I’m waiting for his final word on them.
I don’t wear tight/revealing clothing and I don’t wear knee high boots because he thinks they look slutty.
I talk to him about things like changing any eating and/or gym habits - I tell him why if I start eating healthier or going to the gym more. Sometimes it’s because I’ve gained a few pounds and feel like crap and other times because I’m on a roll.
If I “dress up” for any reason and/or put on makeup I tell him why.
I explain new additions to any social media pages.
I mind my own business & tell him if anyone (men) try to talk to me.
I keep an updated calendar of appointments and events so he knows where I am.
The list can go on & on but I think you get my point. A vow renewal doesn’t erase the past - nor should it - but it can be a new starting point, if you know what I mean. At first, I did all these things to prove I’m a safe partner- now I do them out of habit because I am a safe partner. The triggers may always be there - nothing may ever take those away but that needs to be understood. A vow renewal should envelop who you both are now and what you BOTH want your relationship to be - without understanding it’s all just words. JMHO. 
Edited because autocorrect is a narcissistic ass that thinks it knows better than me!!
[This message edited by cptprkchp at 6:58 PM, November 5th (Tuesday)]
