SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

T/J WARNING/APOLOGY

When Dday happened, I wanted to rip my husband apart with my bare hands. I wanted to chop his dick off and put it in the Vitamix blender.

Wow. You have my respect, StillLivin. That's some twisted/impressive verbiage right there!

A wedding gift. Nothing like a mysterious 3 ft by 4 ft gold framed painting of a dog turd delivered wrapped up in shiny paper to set the right tone of the marriage. If I was feeling real uppity i might even get his face painted right smack in the middle of the turn.

A wedding gift? Why on earth should a wife be punished for her husband's actions? Send the turd picture to the husbabd, sure, at his office. Buuuut that is stupid and petty.

Better - let the wife know he cheated woth ypur wife. No consequences for you because it is the truth. Hos wife will perhaps thank the sender of this info. She might think it happened so long ago he is a changed man. She might think she is different, he wouldnt cheat on her. Regardless, if, really, when he cheats, it wont be much of a shock.

But honestly, divorcing the wife seems best

Jimmy, we have D-days close together and I've been reading your posts all along.

Please, please....start a new life. You have been suffering and hanging onto pain for far too long. Leave and put this behind you. I'm a big proponent of R but this cheating was a deal breaker for you.

It has broken you and your mind is very unwell.

Get help and please, for your sake, move on.

Said with compassion, not judgement.

You've gotten a lot of good advice, Jimmy.

If I got paid for all the letters and emails I've written and not sent, I'd be a rich woman. That's my advice. Write it and reread it as many times as necessary, preferably accompanied by maniacal laughter. Then delete immediately and empty your trash.

Everybody here is right I'm sure - this isn't a healthy place you're in. But then, telling you your feelings are wrong isn't really going to help you get better. I think it's totally legitimate to feel this. Just please don't DO anything. Even a glitter bomb. POSOM is probably a narc and would like the attention.

Hope you find a good IC, buddy. You don't want to keep these feelings forever.

Jimmy,

You need serious help

There is something wrong with you. The OW man has nothing to do with your marriage. His current 20 year later wife has nothing to do with you.

You need help. Find it.

A wedding gift? Why on earth should a wife be punished for her husband's actions? Send the turd picture to the husbabd, sure, at his office. Buuuut that is stupid and petty.

Also it was a joke...

Also it was a joke..

I feel..not stupid at all. Sorry!

I spent a good 6 months planning many vile things against my ex. I would literally sot there and want his dick to fall off, then wonder if it would be worse for hin if his dick was still there but couldnt work.

I cannot believe i couldnt see the joke. Sigh.

But in all seriousness, if Jimmy is gonna be happy, divorce seems best.

I dont think he can hurt the other guy the way he, jimmy, was hurt. It will never be even

Hey llxc, I did too. Some of my revenge fantasies couldn't be put in writing lol.

Even now, if I were told I had 3 months left to live, well... I don't know what I would do.

As far as revenge helping Jimmy? No, it won't. Not like this anyway.

My wife and I are doing better all the time. I have had my issues with her and her part in the affair. You guys do not see or hear about the issues going on between the wife and I. I mainly post about POSOM. I hate his guts! I want, no, I will get even with him somehow. He stuck a knife in my back and twisted it. That shit does not fly with me. I guess from the feedback on this post that going after his wife is a bad idea. I will come up with something else! Piece of shit does not screw my wife and get away with it.

Notthevictim summed it up pretty good for me:

if I were told I had 3 months left to live, well... I don't know what I would do.

Jimmy, it sounds like the psychic wound you suffered is in control of you right now. This endless, obsessive need for retribution to shore up your ego is a symptom of something . . . I'm not a professional so I can't say what . . . that needs your attention. Consider this as pressing as organ failure. Please get the help that you need. Rage should not be your reason to live.

My wife and I are doing better all the time.

Maybe this is the problem. You and your wife should be doing worse while thoughts of the OM lessen. Because you cannot feel your full feelings about her, you obsess about OM.

She hurt you.

You have not accepted that yet because you don't want to.

Your codependence has you toxically ill and likely to end up incarcerated. If you do not get it under control, she will have a chance to get a boyfriend while you are locked up for 2 to 5 years. That's ok with you, right? Because that's where this is headed.

You are furious, absolutely furious, that you love and need your abuser. Your jealousy of him directly correlates to your value of your WW. When you get angrier at her and feel less of a need to keep her (unless she earns it), then your belief that he has or is or took something of value lessens. Your belief that your wife defines your self-esteem means that her picking someone else took your self-esteem and gave it to someone else. So of course you want to destroy the guy that stole your value.

Time to stop idolizing her and start idolizing yourself. She does not hold your value. Keeping her or having her does not define your worth. This is a case of having no self-esteem without having your wife. That worked well enough until now. You have got to get some self worth to balance your M so that what she did does not steal your entire self-esteem.

[This message edited by OwningItNow at 1:43 PM, January 12th (Sunday)]

I want, no, I will get even with him somehow. He stuck a knife in my back and twisted it.

There is nothing you can do to ‘get even’. He had sex with your wife. You can’t I ring that bell. Nothing that you do to him changes that. Your wife is the one that stuck the knife in your back and twisted it. She was a willing participant, not a victim.

Don’t end up incarcerated due to your wife’s choices.