Wow! I feel like I’m reading my own story in all these comments... about 2 and a half years here and Everything you folks are saying are my feelings almost to a T!! Anyhow; Same here, I did come on here as it was happening, but I think I was in such a blurr, that I didn’t get the message... I do remember though sending my "wife" a link to this site to one of the posts I had read to try to make her understand... I don’t think she ever came... anyhow, I won’t post too long on this one since a big part of my story has already been told, but just wanted to chime and provide support I suppose... This shit is hard... You make a decision at the time during a fragile F’ed up frame of mind and as you work through it, the reality sets in once you have your head straight... anyhow; I’ve been on the "just found out section" since last week cause I had a eureka moment and it did feel like I just found out... if you want the full story, you can check out "2 year’s + feels like I just found out" ... or something like that... I’ll also leave this copy paste from earlier today on another similar thread... Anyhow; I’m not sure if I feel better or worst that these feelings are real and likely won’t get much better, but I’m glad I read these none the less!! Cheers gentlemen... and ladies...
That’s kinda where I’m at now... Like I’ve hit a wall and simply just can’t continue on this route...
Fact is, I feel like I’ve done all of the hard work in changing for her to be happy... I feel like I supported her more through her heartbreak when she left him, through the shame she felt about herself and all that stuff... I forgave her I comforted her .... Sure, she apologized and so on, but I’m realizing that "OUR" recovery has been focused 90% on "HER"... to make sure she was ok...
I feel stupid just writing those words down... We’ve pretty much never talked about how I felt... not at the time, and I especially not now... I have more and more bad days and it’s getting harder and harder to hide it from her...
The few times that I let it out and try to explain that it’s because of it even just allude to it, the flashes is what I call them, she kinda gets defensive and makes it about her... Saying stuff like "are ever gonna forget" and so on...
At that point, I try to defuse the situation and avoid going into it to not hurt her with words as I’d explain my true feelings... she knows though; that’s the weird part... I’ve worded my feelings out before pretty plainly...
Anyhow, I’m kinda turning the corner on this whole thing... still kinda thinking R may come, but it’ll come on my terms... I’m gonna be me; do what I want; watch what I wanna watch... If she doesn’t like that, she probably still has AP’s # and can go that route...
At the time, though it took me 2-3 months, I did get to the point where at felt free, and loved it... was working out rocking to music and so on... But then she wanted to come back and I took her back on the premise that things would be different... anyway; point is that I know the feeling of being alone and I liked it after getting over the hump...
So there’s my rant!! All that said, I’m gonna have a Tuesday night beer tonight! (Which I’m not usually "allowed") ... The rebel is coming out!! Cheers!!
